


Jigsaw

by Rainy_Summer



Series: love is complicated (if you allow it to be ) [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationship, Angst, Cheating, Communication Failure, Eventual Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Relationship tags are all endgames, Temporary one sided MarkHyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:29:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 75,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25418485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainy_Summer/pseuds/Rainy_Summer
Summary: "How… how are we going to break up with our boyfriends? "Break up? But Jaemin never wanted to break up with Renjun! He couldn't be separated from his boyfriend. He loved him so much, and just the thought of breaking up with him was physically difficult for Jaemin.He shook his head profusely. "I… I can't do that. I love him. "Mark looked flustered and confused. "But I thought— ""I like you, but I love him, too. So much. I can't leave him. ""But you said you wanted to date me? " Mark was even more confused than he already was."I want to, but… I misread the signs, " he admitted. "I thought we are thinking about the same thing. ""Which is? ""To have more than one relationship, " he quietly whispered. He wasn't sure about it anymore, especially after Mark's suggestion. "I thought we could date each other without giving up on our boyfriends. I love my boyfriend, and you love yours, too. You love your boyfriend, too, right, Mark? "
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin, Mark Lee/Na Jaemin
Series: love is complicated (if you allow it to be ) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720489
Comments: 458
Kudos: 486





	1. Pink Sweater

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set before Teddy Bear and A Piece of Cake. As I can't write their getting together history, fhis turned into a chaptered fic instead. 
> 
> Jeno will not be in this fic because everything happened a year before he joined. 
> 
> Warning: angstier than the other fics in the series. 
> 
> Another warning: not proofread.
> 
> I'm also planning to change things up a little bit. POV will change every chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ADDITIONAL TAG: Because I didn't think it was necessary. Be wary of the tags. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't read this fic, especially if you'll only argue with me about it. We don't need to waste each other's time because of it. Please. It's FRUSTRATING.

"Are you feeling sick, Jaemin? "

Jaemin looked up from the pot he was stirring to meet his boyfriend's worried gaze. 

Renjun, the said boyfriend, had his paintbrush raised midway as he looked pass his canvass to stare at Jaemin, eyebrows knotting together as he squinted at his boyfriend. 

"No, " Jaemin replied immediately, before resuming his work. "Why would you even think so? "

"Well, I just assumed you're feeling cold. You're wearing a sweater even though it's hot outside. Are you sure you aren't feeling sick? "

At this point, Renjun already abandoned whatever it was that he was painting, as he walk towards Jaemin's direction, presumably to check on him. 

Jaemin bit his lips guiltily. He didn't really want to worry Renjun about anything. He wasn't feeling sick. Maybe he was, but not in the same way that Renjun was thinking. 

Renjun's hand raised to feel his forehead before the said boyfriend gave out a sigh. "You are a bit warm, " he said matter-of-factly before turning down the stove. 

Jaemin pouted. "I wasn't done yet, " he complained, while looking at the undercooked meat on the hot pot he was making. "At least let me finish cooking you favorite. "

Renjun sighed before shaking his head. He then pulled Jaemin by the hand to lead his boyfriend back to his room. "I'll finish it. Then we can enjoy it together once you're feeling better. For now, rest. "

Jaemin pouted, but nevertheless just allowed his boyfriend to push him back to his room and down to his bed. 

"Do you need me to get you more blankets? " Renjun said after tucking him under one already, still assuming that he was feeling cold despite the warm weather. Jaemin stared lovingly at his boyfriend who was fussing over him. While most of the time, Renjun was a little aloof, that people sometimes had this impression that he didn't really care about Jaemin at all, Jaemin knew that that was definitely far from the truth. Renjun loved and cared for him more than anyone in this world. In fact, he could even claim that he was the only person in the world that Renjun cared about, and that wouldn't be far from the truth. 

And Jaemin loved him, too. He just had to remind himself of that. Not that he needed to, because he could never forget how much he loved Renjun. He just needed to remind himself that he's only supposed to love Renjun. No one else. 

"Jaemin? " 

He must have spaced out, because as soon as he blinked his eyes, Renjun's face was already close to his, his soft palms caressing Jaemin's cheeks. "Ate you okay? "

Jaemin bit his cheeks. He nodded despite him wanting to say that, no, he wasn't okay. He just didn't know how to explain why he wasn't okay, especially since he wasn't supposed to feel that way. 

Renjun sighed. He probably knew that Jaemin was lying. They've been together for two years, for them to be familiar when one of them was lying or keeping a secret from the other. 

And Jaemin was currently hiding a big secret to Renjun. 

"I'll just clean up outside. I'll be back. "

Jaemin let out a the breath he was holding in at the very moment that the door to his room closed behind Renjun. He kicked the blanket away. 

He wasn't cold at all. In fact, he was already overheating, but he refused to take off the pink sweater that he was wearing, especially since he was wearing it for the purpose of reminding him about how much Renjun loved him. 

The sweater was special, because this was made by Renjun himself. The first pink item on his closet because his family refused to allow him to have one, because the color was too feminine and he was a man. 

This was made with Renjun's love knitted with the thread, to comfort him, to warm him, and to embrace him for who he really was. 

So, yes, it was hot outside, and he was to probably risking heatstroke by wearing it, but maybe that's what he really wanted. To overheat and combust. Maybe, after that, he would forget about the confusing emotion he was feeling. 

For another person. 

Jaemin hugged his knees. He wanted to scream. Everything was just confusing and frustrating to him. He didn't plan for all of this to happen. He didn't plan to meet another person who would make his heart beat fast for the same reasons as it would to Renjun. He didn't plan to fall in love with another person, so why did it have to happen? 

He loved Renjun. So much. So much that he didn't stop feeling in love with him despite harboring feelings to another person. And that's weird, right? He must really be a freak like what his family said, and he just unlocked the level of freak that even Renjun would find difficult to accept. 

Renjun would hate him if ever he found out, so he should just keep all of this feeling bottled up, with hopes of forgetting about all of it soon. But he was feeling guilty. Somehow, he felt like he was doing something wrong by keeping it a secret. 

It felt like he was cheating. 

He was definitely cheating! 

Everytime he would meet with the other guy and let attraction, mutual attraction flow through their veins without him walking away, he was cheating. He was cheating, and his boyfriend didn't deserve it! 

Renjun would be hurt if he found out. Jaemin knew that. But even thought he knew, something about that person made avoiding him really difficult for Jaemin. That was the right thing to do, right? To avoid him since he's already in a relationship. 

But it was like Jaemin never really wanted to. Like he wanted to keep them both. 

He was selfish! He's a bad person! 

Why couldn't he just be contented with Renjun, be loyal to him and not harbor feeling toward anyone else but him? 

Why was he so selfish? 

Why was he so fucking weird? 

He flinch as he felt a palm patting his head gently, surprised by the sudden action. Renjun muttered a soft apology before the bed dipped beside him. 

Jaemin didn't even noticed Renjun coming back in. How pathetic? He even allowed Renjun to see him that way. 

He felt something cold being pressed on his arm, he looked up to see what it was before giving Renjun a confused look. 

"I don't eat on my bed, " he pointed out as he stared at the bowl of ice cream Renjun was offering him. 

"I'll help you wash the sheet, " Renjun promised. "I figured I need to help you cool down if you're not willing to let go of the sweater. "

Jaemin blushed as he stared at Renjun's amused smile. He knew. 

He knew that something was off with him, and Jaemin was just counting the time until Renjun found out about everything. He took the bowl of ice cream from Renjun's hand. His favorite flavor. His favorite brand. Renjun was really the perfect boyfriend and Jaemin was being stupid for being attracted to a different person. 

"You know you don't need to wear the sweater just to feel that I'm with you, right? " Renjun told him without looking at him. "I'm always with you. You know that, right? "

Jaemin felt like choking up, the ice cream he was eating felt so difficult to swallow. 

"You can tell me about everything. You can tell me about that person you're thinking about."

The bowl of ice cream fell from his hand and landed on the pure white sheet, as white as his own face as he listened to Renjun. 

He knew. 

~☆~

Jaemin wondered how Renjun could stay calm about everything, pulling him back to the living room away from the mess he made, where the said boyfriend cuddled him as he cried out until he finally calmed down, or at least calm enough to confess about everything. 

About how he met Mark Lee, a sophomore Business Administration student during one even that Jaemin's department decided to participate in. 

About how attracted he was with Mark at first sight. 

About how he thought it was just an attraction until he realized that it wasn't just like that. 

About how his feelings with Mark felt similar with how he was feeling about Renjun. 

About how he didn't mean to feel that way, but he just couldn't help it. 

He liked Mark. Maybe even more than he was willing to admit. 

And it was unfair. 

He only met Mark two months ago and he was compromising two years of relationship with Renjun. 

He was being dumb, once again. 

What bothered him about the whole situation was that Renjun didn't even scream at him. He didn't even act angry. He just held on to him until he finished his confession and began crying once again like the pathetic excuse of a person he was. 

Renjun only left his side once he was sure that Jaemin was okay, and only did so to clean up Jaemin's bed. 

Why? Jaemin didn't know. Renjun should be walking away from him after what he heard and not cleaning after him. 

He really didn't deserve him. 

Once Renjun was done, he sat down once again beside Jaemin and pull him lie down with his head on his lap. Renjun wasn't one for skinship but he always make exception for whenever Jaemin needed to be comforted. 

But Jaemin shouldn't be getting comforts from him. At this point, Renjun should probably start hitting him. He did wrong. He'd always get hit whenever he was wrong, so why wasn't Renjun hitting him like he deserved? Why was Renjun rewarding him with cuddles? 

"Feeling better? "

Jaemin bit his lips before nodding. While he wasn't okay, he felt a little better after confessing about everything. 

"Why aren't you angry? "

Renjun wasn't giving him the reaction he deserved. It was confusing him. 

"Should I be? " Renjun asked, and Jaemin wondered if he was baiting him. He figured, he wasn't. Renjun was straight-forward. He wouldn't beat around the bush. If he's angry or upset, he wouldn't have a problem telling Jaemin that. Hence, Jaemin was confused. Why wasn't Renjun angry? 

"What could being angry even do? Especially in this situation. Although I do have a question if you don't mind. "

Jaemin gulped nervously, only for him to relax as Renjun's hand massaged his head. He nodded. 

"You said you like him. But I feel like you're feeling more than that. Do you… Do you feel like you love me less because of him? "

"No! " He quickly exclaimed. "I don't! I still love you the same! I'm sure of that! "

Jaemin hoped that Renjun would believe him especially since he wasn't just saying it to appease him. He was telling the truth! 

Renjun hummed. "I thought so. "

Jaemin looked up to him in surprise. 

"If you love me less, I would have felt it. But I didn't. At least it's good to know that you still love me. Do you even think about the possibility of dating him? "

Jaemin sat up immediately to hug his boyfriend. "No! " he immediately denied. "I would never think about dating him! I'm dating you and I will never break up with you for him. You know I love you so much, Renjun! You mean everything to me! I'll forget about him, I promise! "

Renjun let out a strangled groan as he slightly tried to push Jaemin away. "I can't breathe, Jaemin. "

Jaemin reluctantly pulled away. "Please, don't break up with me. I will forget about him, I promise! "

Renjun sighed. He placed his arms on Jaemin's shoulder. "Listen. I promise you, I don't have any plan of breaking up with you, unless you want us to. But you said it yourself. You don't. So I'll ask you again. Do you even think about what it would be like to date him? To hold hands with him? To kiss him? "

Jaemin felt shame creeping up to him. "I will not answer that. "

He already felt guilty even before admitting that he indeed fantasized about those things. It was sick and he felt like throwing up everytime he would think about that. 

"I'm not breaking up with you, " Renjun repeated once again. "But, do you even think about being couple with Mark? Be honest. It's really important. "

"Why would it even matter? It's not like I could date you both! The only way I could date him is if I break up with you, and I would never do that."

Renjun sighed once again. His hands moved up from Jaemin's shoulder to his cheeks. "What if I told you that you can date both of us. At the same time? "

~☆~

It's official— Jaemin attained a new level of crazy. 

The moment he started pondering on the idea of dating two person at the same time, Jaemin couldn't help but feel repulsive about himself. 

It's cheating. It had to be cheating even if Renjun said it wouldn't be if the proper consent and communication was provided. How Renjun would be willing to allow Jaemin to have another boyfriend, he still found hard to understand. Relationships were supposed to be between two person, and not three. 

The two of them had stayed up all night during that day, going through forums about those kinds of relationship online. Renjun said he didn't need any advice from anybody, because he already knew enough to ever need anyone's opinion. But Jaemin was different. He needed validation that what he was feeling wasn't wrong. Renjun said it wasn't, but Jaemin was sure it was. 

He was surprised to know that there were a lot of people who were feeling the same way as him, falling in love with two, or even more, people at the same time. 

They said it wasn't wrong. That it was just the society who decided to fit relationships in a box even those that box wasn't a one size fits all. And somehow, it made sense. 

After all, Jaemin grew up feeling that he was wrong for being attracted to the same gender, only for Renjun and some other people to tell him that it wasn't. Because love knew no gender. Maybe love knew no number as well? 

One person even said that love is like a jigsaw puzzle. One person could fit next to you in different ways than another. One puzzle piece couldn't fit the space meant for another piece. 

Mark couldn't fit the space that was meant only for Renjun, hence Jaemin didn't even think about being apart from his boyfriend to settle with someone new. Likewise, while he was very much in love with Renjun, he couldn't seem to forget about Mark and want him. 

Maybe it was really possible. But before he could even get ahead of himself and start imagining about the prospect, Renjun asked him another question. "Does he know about me? "

How could Jaemin even forget about that? 

He was so busy thinking about how Renjun would feel that he didn't realize he's probably leading Mark on without him knowing that Jaemin was already in a relationship. 

His mother was right. He's really stupid! 

If Mark knew then probably, he wouldn't anymore be interested in Jaemin. He would probably stay away for his own good. Jaemin was really a bad person for not letting him know and enjoying his company. How could he be that cruel! 

He had to set things straight between the two of them. He had to tell Mark about Renjun. He had to be honest. 

And then…

And then he could confess about how he was feeling. 

Should he, really? 

Renjun told him it was his call and it was all for him to decide. After all, it was completely normal to be afraid of confessing something that the society deemed wrong. Because while Jaemin wasn't wrong to feel that way, the society deemed everything unusual to them as wrong. 

Jaemin wasn't sure what to do so he opted not to be in contact with Mark for a week, ignoring his messages and his invitation to eat lunch together. 

But a week was long enough for Jaemin to realize that he couldn't ignore him forever. Not only was it rude to avoid him without proper conversation. He also missed him. Maybe a little to much that he had managed to convince himself that it would be worth it to try his luck. 

And there he was, nervously sipping on his Iced Americano, waiting inside the coffee shop for Mark to arrive. Jaemin was actually surprised that Mark had agreed about this meet up, considering that Jaemin basically ghosted him for a week. 

There were only three ways these meeting could end up. One, Mark would berate Jaemin for leading him on without telling him that Jaemin was, in fact, already taken, and Jaemin wouldn't even have the opportunity to tell him that he's interested in dating Mark, too. Two, Mark would laugh it off, they would be awkward but with enough luck, Mark would allow them to at least remain friends. Three, Mark would agree to give the two of them a chance without pressuring him to give up on Renjun. 

The third one, Jaemin was quite sure the least likely to happen. 

Reading the experiences of other people online made him feel certain that convincing Mark about it wouldn't be easy, and he would be lucky if Mark wouldn't send him a disgusted glare. 

Jaemin was nervous. He was a little regretful that he didn't take up Renjun's offer of accompanying him. Renjun, although he didn't say it out loud, was obviously nervous and worried for him about this meeting, especially since this could get ugly. Although Mark didn't seem to be that kind of person based on how Jaemin knew him. 

But then again, he thought that taking Renjun with him would even be more overwhelming (than it already was) to Mark. It's one thing to tell him about his boyfriend. It's another to suddenly present him without a warning. He just had to do it alone. 

Jaemin almost choked on his coffee once the door of the cafe opened. Mark entered and suddenly a romantic song was playing inside Jaemin's ear. Mark swept his jet black hair off of his face as he scanned the room looking for Jaemin. Jaemin's heart skipped a beat when Mark's eyes finally landed on him. He gave him a small wave. 

"Hi, " Mark greeted as he sat next to Jaemin. "I haven't heard from you in so long. "

Jaemin bit the straw before replying. "Sorry. I… I had a lot of things to sort out. "

It wasn't a lie at all. 

Mark nodded. "Ah, yeah. It happens, I guess. "

They stayed silent for a while. Somehow, what used to be an easy going conversation between them seemed to have disappeared. Back then, there was no idle moment between the two of them, because they could talk about almost anything. Sports, music, dance? They had a lot in common. It was just so easy for them to get along. To get along until they started falling into each other's charms. 

It had to be mutual. Jaemin was dumb at times, but he wasn't dense. He noticed when the way Mark stared at him finally changed, almost at the same moment that Jaemin started looking at him differently. 

The playful slaps was suddenly sending jolts of electricity to their nerves, and the accidental, or not so accidental hand brushing, was suddenly making them flustered. They were attracted to one another. Jaemin let it all happen without being completely honest with Mark. 

They stayed silent. Until Jaemin had enough of the suffocating silence. 

"I have something really important to tell you. "

Jaemin was surprised to hear both of them saying the same thing at the same time. A sign? Was it good or bad? Should he continue, or not? 

"Can I go first? " Mark asked, his eyes almost pleading. If Jaemin would look closely, then he could see that Mark was as nervous as him.

He wanted to insist on going first, but at the same moment, he was starting to second guess if saying that he like Mark would be a good idea. Maybe saying he was taken would be good enough. Sure, he would be that asshole who lead people on, but at least he wouldn't be the slut who wanted to have two people at the same time. He wasn't sure what to say and how to say it at all, so he figured that listening to Mark first, would buy him some time. He nodded. 

Mark nervously took a deep breath. "Okay, " Mark said, presumably to himself. "Okay, this might sound weird, and I might come off as an asshole to you for not saying this earlier. I want you to know that if ever in the end, you find yourself being disgusted with me, I will understand. "

Funny that Mark said that when it was exactly what Jaemin had in mind as well. 

"Jaemin, I'm not sure if it's only me, but I… I like you. I really do, obviously not just as a friend. "

Jaemin wasn't surprised. He had already seen this confession coming. He wished he could have spoken first. It would probably hurt Mark more to know that Jaemin already had a boyfriend. 

He tried to interrupt but Mark didn't let him. 

"Listen, " Mark proceeded. "I like you. And this past couple of weeks, I… I don't know how to say this but I… I kind of have this impression that you like me back? "

Mark was staring intently at him as if to seek validation. Jaemin desperately tried not to react.

"I don't know if I am correct, but I really feel like we have a special connection. That there's something going on between the two of us without us even acknowledging it. Honestly, I like it. I like it that way and I might have enjoyed it too much. 

"Too much that I don't even realize that I'm doing something wrong already. "

Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows. He was definitely curious. 

"When you started avoiding me, I finally had the time to reflect and think about my actions. I realized that by enjoying this, whatever it is between the two of us, I'm being selfish. I'm being unfair to two person at the same time. 

"I really like you, Jaemin. I really do. I never felt this way with anyone before. From the very moment I saw you, I knew you'll be someone special. But I haven't been honest with you, and I'm sorry. I… Jaemin, I have a boyfriend. "

Jaemin felt as if cold water was suddenly poured on him. He wasn't sure if fate was playing on him. 

To say that he was surprised would be an understatement. He never expected this to happen. 

He was also, somehow, quite relieved, and it made him feel less guilty about keeping the same secret. Somehow confessing seemed to be a lot easier before. 

"I also have a boyfriend, " he blurted out without giving it much thought, causing Mark to look at him in surprise. 

"What? "

Jaemin nodded at him. "And you are right. I like you, too. "

Mark looked lost. "Wow. " he shook his head in disbelief. "Wow. I never expected this. Wow. I thought that by the end of my speech, you'll slap me and call me asshole, but wow. I… I don't know what to say. I honestly thought this would be the end of everything. "

Jaemin couldn't help but agree. Somehow, their similar situation was giving him hope and courage. He started being bold by reaching out to Mark's hand, causing the latter to look at him confusedly. 

"You said you like me and I told you that I like you, too. Would you, perhaps… like us to begin dating each other? "

Jaemin almost immediately regretted it the moment he saw how horrified Mark looked. Did he misread the sign? Did he miss something? Was he being a little too fast? 

The horrified look on Mark's face melted into a dilemma that immediately made Jaemin nervous. 

Mark squeezed his eyes shut. He took a deep breath before opening his eyes again. Only when he opened his mouth that Jaemin realized that they weren't on the same page. 

"How… how are we going to break up with our boyfriends? "

Break up? But Jaemin never wanted to break up with Renjun! He couldn't be separated from his boyfriend. He loved him so much, and just the thought of breaking up with him was physically difficult for Jaemin. 

He shook his head profusely. "I… I can't do that. I love him. "

Mark looked flustered and confused. "But I thought— "

"I like you, but I love him, too. So much. I can't leave him. "

"But you said you wanted to date me? " Mark was even more confused than he already was. 

"I want to, but… I misread the signs, " he admitted. "I thought we are thinking about the same thing. "

"Which is? " 

"To have more than one relationship, " he quietly whispered. He wasn't sure about it anymore, especially after Mark's suggestion. "I thought we could date each other without giving up on our boyfriends. I love my boyfriend, and you love yours, too. You love your boyfriend, too, right, Mark? "

Mark stayed as he stared at Jaemin like he head grown two heads. 

Jaemin sighed. 

"Do you think we could give it a try? "


	2. Paper Crane

Mark thought that everything would be over that day, that he would say goodbye to Jaemin and that they would stop seeing each other. That Mark wouldn't anymore feel the guilt that was weighing him down by time he had to go home and meet his boyfriend. 

He was wrong. 

Mark liked to think that he wasn't a bad person. It wasn't like he planned for all of this to happen. He didn't plan to meet Jaemin the first time and he didn't plan to fall in love with him faster than the subway train. He didn't plan to have feelings for someone who wasn't his boyfriend, and yet, here he was. 

Mark never really knew it was possible. For him to fall in love, that is. After years of dating in high school, and the long list of exes that Mark felt no more than a simple attraction, he thought he wasn't capable of falling in love. If he knew, then he wouldn't probably allow himself to enter his current situation. 

But then there's Jaemin, whom Mark met in an event where both their departments were participating. The moment that Mark laid his eyes on him as he walk on that hallway with his skin glowing like an angel and his hair the mesmerizing color of the cherry blossoms in full bloom, Mark felt his heartbeat racing like it never did before. He should have known better that Jaemin would be someone really special. 

He thought it was just an attraction. Jaemin was pretty, he was sweet. He was like a magnet pulling Mark close. 

He should have stayed away, right? He should have created a distance, right? That was the rightest thing to do for someone like him who's already in a relationship. But what was right didn't feel right to him at all. No one ever made him feel the same way as Jaemin, so it was hard for Mark to avoid him. 

But he wasn't a bad person. He wasn't doing anything wrong, right? He was just meeting Jaemin, and they were just enjoying each other's company like friends do. They weren't kissing. They weren't doing couple things. It should be fine, right? 

Even if the way that they look at each other screamed more than friends. Even if the slight brushing of their hands as they walk side by side sent jolts of electricity to Mark's body. They weren't doing anything wrong, right? 

Even if some people already had an impression that they're dating. 

"I didn't know you and Donghyuck already broke up? "

Mark remembered a former neighbor asking him, and back then he didn't know how to react. He wasn't dating Jaemin. He was just spending time with him. Mark remembered staying quiet. It wasn't like he was cheating, even if the disgusted look on that former neighbor's face said otherwise. 

So he continued what he had been doing without thinking too much about it. It wasn't like it was a difficult thing to do. With Jaemin, everything and everyone else was just so easy to forget. All that Mark could think about was him, Jaemin and the mutual feelings that they're sharing between them that they both refused to acknowledge. 

And then Jaemin just disappeared. Out of nowhere, he just stopped sending Mark messages, and he just stopped returning Mark's call. It was during that time that the magical barrier shielding Mark away from seeing everything else suddenly disappeared. It was during that time that Mark was able to reflect on what he had been doing. 

Of what he had been doing wrong. 

Because he was wrong to continuously seek Jaemin's company despite him being in a relationship already, especially since he knew that Jaemin wasn't just a friend to him. He was wrong for keeping Jaemin a secret from his boyfriend and he was wrong for not being honest with Jaemin about his relationship status. He was cheating on his boyfriend and was leading Jaemin on without letting the other know what he was getting into. 

It was at that moment that he knew he had to stop. 

But not without a last goodbye. Or so Mark thought. 

A week. Jaemin decided to contact him again after a week and they decided to meet up. This was the day that Mark promised to end everything. To tell Jaemin about his boyfriend, apologize, and then move on. He could go back to his boyfriend, and forget the thing between him and Jaemin ever happened. Donghyuck didn't need to know. He would get hurt, and the last thing that Donghyuck needed was to be hurt, especially by Mark. Yes, Mark should have known better before, but he already fucked up. He would much rather pretend it didn't happen. 

When a person you're in a mutual understanding with suddenly announced that he wasn't completely honest with you because he was in a relationship of two years already, the most predictable reaction was to run away with a disgusted look and never look back. Sometimes, not before a slap on the cheek. That was how Mark envisioned Jaemin's reaction would be. 

But that was far from how Jaemin actually reacted. 

Jaemin looked at him in surprise, then in confusion before blurting out that he, too, was in a relationship. 

Mark didn't know how to feel about it. One, they were both leading each other on while keeping their boyfriends a secret, and two, there were two people out there whom they were cheating on. 

Mark wondered if he should feel relieved because he wasn't the only one or if he should feel more remorseful because the situation was worse that he thought. He was the other man as much as he made Jaemin the other man. 

With that knowledge, it was only right for them to finally say goodbye to each other and stop whatever it was that they were doing. 

That was what Mark initially planned anyway. To say goodbye to Jaemin and return to Donghyuck and forget it ever happened. 

But Jaemin had other plans. Instead of saying goodbye, he asked Mark if he wanted to date him. 

And the magic was back. All of a sudden, all that Mark could ever think about was Jaemin and him. It was easy to be selfish! He liked Jaemin and Jaemin like him back. Why couldn't they be together instead, right? It was easy to forget about everything, about everyone, including Donghyuck and Jaemin's boyfriend. 

"How… how are we going to break up with our boyfriends? "

Mark didn't know why but Jaemin's reaction made him feel like he asked the wrong question. That was what they should do, right? They should break up with them and be together. 

Except, that that wasn't what Jaemin had in mind. 

Because Jaemin was in love with his boyfriend. 

And it made Mark confused because he thought Jaemin loved him. 

Jaemin loved them both. Mark thought it was impossible. Jaemin insisted it was because that's exactly how he was feeling. 

The more that they talk about it, the more that it made sense. The more that it made sense, the more that Mark was enticed by the idea. 

Why wouldn't he? 

He'd be able to date Jaemin without losing Donghyuck. It was a win-win situation for him. 

It wouldn't be cheating and Donghyuck would know. 

The only problem was how to make Donghyuck agree. 

Mark was a little surprise when Jaemin told him that his own boyfriend already knew and that he was okay with Jaemin possibly dating Mark. But that gave him hope that Donghyuck would agree to it, too. 

"Call me when you talked to him? "

Mark nodded as he sent Jaemin off with the taxi, wondering how to talk to Donghyuck about it without hurting him in any possible way. 

Mark wondered if it was even possible. Mark wondered if Donghyuck would be as accepting as Renjun's boyfriend. 

Maybe he would. He's Donghyuck, after all, and he's nothing but understanding when it came to Mark. 

He had to understand. Mark was really hoping he would, especially since Mark was already looking forward to being with Jaemin without being guilty. He could finally hold Jaemin's hand, caress his cheeks and kiss him without remorse. He could be with the first person he fell in love with. 

~☆~

Today was the day. 

It had been three days already that Mark was postponing this conversation and he felt like he had waited enough. He had wasted enough time when he could have already talk to Donghyuck about it. 

In his defense, it wasn't an easy thing to do and Donghyuck wasn't making it easier. 

Especially since Donghyuck was more affectionate that usual. 

For some reasons, Donghyuck, despite him having difficulty in adjusting in college life, was spoiling him so much. Breakfast in bed. Pack lunch. Massage. Late night cuddles. Donghyuck had been sweeter than he was before, and it was making it hard for Mark to tell him about Jaemin. 

Because looking at Jaemin made him forget, but looking at Donghyuck made him feel guilty and afraid. 

Guilty for falling in love with a person who wasn't him. 

Afraid of losing the person he had for more than half of his life. 

Being with Jaemin made him feel hopeful that that everything would most likely turn out alright, but being with Donghyuck made him realize, and remember the other possible scenario where Donghyuck would walk out of his life. 

Permanently. 

And that was something that Mark didn't know i he could handle. 

He was stupid to even think about breaking up with Donghyuck in the first place. He was stupid to not realize what doing that could entail. 

He would lose the only person who stuck to him and never left his side. 

He wouldn't even want to be friends with Mark even if that was how they started anyway. Even if that was how they should have been if Mark had not been stupid. 

He never loved Donghyuck, at least not that way. He loved him more than just a friend. He loved him like a family. 

But Donghyuck on the other hand loved him even though he never said anything about it at all. He just watched in silence as Mark dated people in the past, silently enduring while staying on Mark's side. 

Mark never thought that he would be able to fall in love with anyone, but he should have known that he was to young then to even decide. But that was what he thought when he decided to ask Donghyuck out on his last year in high school. 

He thought it was the right thing to do. After all, he knew how Donghyuck felt for him. He figured, if he wouldn't be able to fall in love with anyone, then he should date Donghyuck instead and make him happy because most of the time, Mark found himself being happy because of him. Besides, people around them already thought that him and Donghyuck made a perfect fit, especially since they're always together. And Mark had to agree. He didn't even feel awkward kissing and hugging Donghyuck. He was Donghyuck after all. 

Mark wouldn't fall in love with anyone else. He had been so sure, so him and Donghyuck already made a lot of plans in their future together. That included moving in together once Donghyuck entered the same university as him. 

This year was supposed to be the start for the two of them to begin making their plans come true. 

Then Jaemin came. Mark fell deep. He couldn't get out anymore. 

He felt so selfish, but what could he do? With Jaemin opening the door to the possibility of them being together, Mark couldn't help but want nothing else other than that. 

He wanted to be with Jaemin without losing Donghyuck. Mark didn't want to settle with anything other than that. 

Mark was going to talk to him. 

And maybe, everything would be alright. 

~☆~

Donghyuck's room was still far from being organized, with a few boxes still scattered around the room. They were still yet to get the shelves that Mark promised to pick up with him. It slipped Mark's mind like many other things. 

What caught his eyes the most amidst the scattered boxes in the room was the huge jars of paper crane that were so familiar to Mark. 

Donghyuck looked up from where he was rummaging inside one of the boxes while sitting on the floor, in nothing but a pair of old sweatpants and t-shirt that was most likely taken from Mark's own closet. He sent Mark a nostalgic smile before pointing at the jars as if Mark hadn't seen them yet. 

"Remember that, hyung? "

How could Mark not when he and Donghyuck spent sleepover nights folding paper cranes until they made a hundred just so Mark could make a wish. 

A wish for him to have a family who would never leave him behind. 

Because young Mark had a hard time coping with his parents separating, and with them not wanting to do anything with him other than to provide for his monetary needs while leaving him in the care of his maternal grandmother. 

He was surprised that Donghyuck was able to keep it when it had been more than ten years since they made them. But then again, this was Donghyuck, and everything he did with Mark was worth treasuring. 

Weird how Donghyuck had helped him fold those paper cranes and ended up making his wish come true. 

No, his parents didn't get back together, and they still believe that child support was enough for him, but at least, Donghyuck and by extension, his family, had also become Mark's own. 

Even at the moment, Mark was still wondering why Donghyuck even put up with him during those times. Young him who didn't want anything to do with anyone else because he was mad about everything. He didn't know why, but he was thankful for him. It was all because of Donghyuck that Mark was who he was at the moment. He wasn't anymore the angry child who hated everything, all because Donghyuck never made him feel alone. 

Whenever he thought about it, he couldn't help but ask. Why couldn't he have fallen for Donghyuck instead? It could have been easier that way. 

But that wasn't the case. Instead, he met another person to fall in love with. And now, Mark wanted to be with that person badly. So bad that it was physically painful to think otherwise.

"I was thinking, maybe we could display them outside along with these photos? We haven't spent time decorating ever since we moved here. What do you think? "

The photos that Donghyuck was referring to was the one he keeping in the photobook, photos that were taken from when they were young and the best of friends until when they started dating. A beautiful reminder of how they had been as they continue to go through with their future plans together. 

If only Mark didn't want to change their plans. 

"I'm thinking about decorating on Saturday because I'm free. Do you have something to do on that day? "

Mark continued to ignore his boyfriend as he contemplated on the right words to say. He had to do it right, or else he would blow up his chance. But is there even a right word to say in terms of telling your boyfriend that you found someone else to fall in lirve with? 

"Then maybe after decorating, we could go out. We haven't done that yet since I moved here. What do you think? "

Mark was thinking about forgetting about it at once. He couldn't do it. He couldn't hurt Donghyuck with the truth. 

But what about Mark? Mark wanted to be happy, too, and he would be happy to be with Jaemin. It wasn't like he was going to forget about Donghyuck once Jaemin entered his life, right? Donghyuck would be Donghyuck and Jaemin would be Jaemin. It wasn't like Mark was going to replace him with Jaemin. Donghyuck was important to him. He would always be. But so was Jaemin. Wasn't Mark allowed to think about his own happiness, too? 

"Mark-hyuuuung. "

Mark sighed. His eyes turned back to the paper cranes that Donghyuck made with him. 

He was reminded of how Donghyuck was to him. About how considerate he was of Mark's feelings. He would always put Mark first. Maybe he would understand? 

If Donghyuck would know how important Jaemin was to him, then Maybe he would understand. Donghyuck always did anyway. 

He could do it. He could ask Donghyuck about it. 

By the time that Mark decided to look back at Donghyuck, his boyfriend was also staring back at him with curiosity. 

"What— "

Donghyuck paused. Something about meeting Mark's eyes made him suddenly look afraid of Mark. Mark wondered, did he know something? 

"I… I think I forgot to do something, I need to go. Bye. "

At this point it was pretty obvious to Mark that Donghyuck was purposely avoiding the conversation. He probably knew something. How, why and up to what extent, Mark wasn't sure. What he was sure about was that he wouldn't have the same courage to initiate the talk once again. It was now or never. 

Donghyuck never made it past the room. Mark caught him by the hand before he could even leave. 

"I have something important to tell you. "

"Hyung, can't it wait? I really have something important that I have to do. "

Donghyuck tried to laugh. It sounded fake. Even the way that his eyes shook as he avoided Mark's own was giving it all away. He was a bad liar. He always had been. He just wanted to run away. 

"It can't wait. "

Donghyuck swallowed hard. He tried to laugh it off once again but all he was able to let out was a choke out sound. Mark wasn't telling him anything yet, but he was already hurting him. Could Mark really be this cruel? 

Mark gently pulled him by the hand, this time, Donghyuck didn't put up a fight. He laughed bitterly as Mark motioned for him to sit down on the bed next to him. 

"So, " Donghyuck coughed to clear out his voice. "Is this the time when you would tell me that you found someone else? "

He knew all along. Maybe, Mark should have expected this. After all, this was Donghyuck. He knew Mark more than anyone else. 

"Yes, " he answered honestly. 

He expected Donghyuck to scream. To be angry. But he just stayed silent. 

"Well, go ahead and tell me and let's get this over with. "


	3. Old Sneakers

Donghyuck never imagined that there would come a time when he would find himself going solo during breaks. He was a social butterfly as people used to describe him. He was easy to be friends with, and he had learned through experience that his charms could melt even the most aloof person he ever met. 

And yet, here he was, eating lunch alone in one of the vacant rooms because he was avoiding his friends. 

If they even still wanted to be friends with someone like him. After all, no one would like to befriend a dumb person like him. 

Dumb Donghyuck who was openly allowing his boyfriend to cheat on him. But was it even cheating if he gave his consent? 

It all started when Hina pulled him to the side after class and allowed everyone to leave until it was only the two of them. Hina came from the same town as him and Mark. She knew their story, from when Mark and him were still friends, to when Donghyuck started pinning for him, up to their so called happy ending when Mark finally asked him out. 

She was Donghyuck's friend. And as a true friend, it was only natural for her to look out for him and inform him whenever she felt like he was being treated unfairly. And she fully believed he was. 

"I know it's not my place to say this, but I thought you might need to know. So, I was hanging out with Ko Eun earlier and I think I saw Mark with someone else. Pink hair, tall guy with a nice smile? "

Donghyuck wished she didn't describe how he looked like. Donghyuck already avoided seeing him in any from, whether in person or in photo. He just didn't want to know what the person who made Mark fell in love looked like. 

"I know him. "

Donghyuck wished he didn't say anything. He should have brushed it off as nothing and ended the conversation there. 

"Okay, so you know him. But do you also know that they're acting… I don't know how to say this. I might come of as accusing your boyfriend, but, they're really close. Like intimate close. "

It was enough for Donghyuck's stomach to start churning. But then again, he should have expected that to happen. But he could live without knowing how they act with one another. 

"I think Mark's cheating on you. "

Donghyuck had wanted to laugh, but doing that would have made him look crazier that he already was. 

"He's not cheating. I know about him and Na Jaemin. "

Donghyuck remembered the bewildered look clearly. The disbelief. The pity. Hina had tried consoling him but he didn't think he deserved it. 

He brought it upon himself. He agreed to this. 

Before he knew it, their other friends were bombarding him with messages and asking him about how he was, giving him unsolicited advice and telling him to break up with Mark because he didn't deserve to be treated like that. 

He shot them all down by telling them to mind their own business. 

So now, most of them were thinking that Donghyuck was hating on them instead because he's in denial. But that wasn't the case. He didn't hate them at all. He appreciated the concerns, but Donghyuck could live without them reminding him how pathetic he was on a day to day basis. 

He knew how pathetic he was. 

Who in their right mind would stay after their boyfriend admitted to falling in love with a different person? 

Who in their right mind would be okay with their boyfriend dating another person? 

In all honestly, he wasn't okay. But what could he do if he was that pathetic person who couldn't let go of his first and only love even if the said love didn't even love him back? 

Mark never really loved him. At least not that way. He knew that from the very moment that Mark first asked him out. 

Was it out of pity? Donghyuck had been pinning for him long before Mark had began his dating streak that ended on a three week average. Maybe that was the reason why Mark decided to give them a try. That and the fact that the people around them often made comment that they matched well together. 

It never really mattered to him what the reason was. The point was, Mark decided to date him. Donghyuck had initially thought that he would end up like Mark's previous relationships, but then they reached the first month, the second, the third, the first year, the second… Donghyuck felt that he was special. 

Sure, Mark never loved him the same way, but maybe what Mark was giving him was the extent of what he could give to anyone. While Donghyuck certainly loved him more, at least he was still Mark's top priority. He was okay with that. He could deal with that. 

Not even distance ever broke them apart. When Mark moved out of town to attend the university, Donghyuck would travel on a bus on a Friday night just to spend the weekends with him. They made it work and Donghyuck thought things would get even better once they finally moved in together. 

But he was wrong about everything, mostly about his belief that what Mark was giving him was the extent of what he could give. 

He was pathetic. He was dumb. But he wasn't dense. 

He wasn't blind to not notice the changes. 

Everything was okay when Mark and him first moved in together in a small two-bedroom apartment that Mark found near the university, just like how they planned. Mark was the same Mark whom Donghyuck remembered from before. 

The changes began not long after the beginning of the semester, when Mark began acting strange. Most of his free time, he was out without Donghyuck knowing what he was doing. It wasn't like Mark needed to inform him about everything, but he couldn't help but feel that Mark was trying to ignore his existence. 

But then again, he figured Mark was just busy. Donghyuck was busy, too. University was difficult. Very far from what high school was. Maybe Mark was doing some important stuff that he couldn't share his free time with him. 

Things like that continued for a month, and another one. Mark was busy. He was tired. He didn't have the time nor the interest to even cuddle with Donghyuck on the bed. But that was fine, right? 

Lies. The lies he told himself so he could sleep peacefully at night. But there's only so much lies he could tell himself before he began throwing them all up. 

There was definitely someone new. 

Someone who made Mark smile just by reading his text. Someone whom Mark had to leave just to answer his calls. Someone who made Mark look like the happiest person in the world everytime he came home after what Donghyuck presumed to be their date. 

Someone who wasn't him. 

Donghyuck wondered if this person even knew about him or if Mark was keeping him a secret. He wondered if he knew and was feeling guilty about it.

But then again, was it that person's fault? Was it his fault that Mark found something about him that he couldn't see on Donghyuck?

What was even wrong about him anyway? 

There had to be one! 

Maybe he wasn't doing enough. 

So, he tried to be better. He became sweeter, more caring, just the usual Donghyuck but multiplied by two. Maybe if Mark noticed the changes, then he would second guess his feeling for Donghyuck and that other person. 

But in the end, he failed. 

Mark still confirmed that he fell in love with somebody else. 

He thought it would be over. That Mark would dump him. He didn't realized that Mark would consider keeping him around. 

So what was he supposed to do? 

It was so easy for his friends to judge him for agreeing to be "manipulated" in this situation. It wasn't like Mark forced him to stay. He decided to. There was no other option. It wasn't like he could force Mark to choose between him and the other guy. It was obvious. Mark wouldn't pick him. Mark didn't love Donghyuck but Mark love this Na Whoever Jaemin He Was. 

He just couldn't let Mark go that easily. So maybe he was a masochist, but if he never meet this Na Jaemin, then he could pretend he never existed. 

Except, it was a difficult task, especially since after their conversation, Mark seemed to be under the impression that he'd be okay having Jaemin at home. 

Donghyuck couldn't count the times when he had to stay inside a convenience store until they closed because he was afraid to go home. Because the unfamiliar pair of shoes by the door frightened him. 

Since then, Donghyuck didn't even feel comfortable staying home even during his free time. He feared having to witness an interaction he would rather live without knowing about. 

He was really pathetic. 

He couldn't even feel comfortable inside his own home. 

Donghyuck kept his lunch-box. He didn't feel hungry anymore. Everything to him tasted bland nowadays. Maybe he just sucked at cooking? According to Mark, Jaemin was a culinary student. Maybe that's one more reason why Mark loved him. 

Donghyuck felt his phone vibrating. He immediately took it out to check who it was. 

A notification. The afternoon class was cancelled. Another free time that Donghyuck didn't know where to spend. The library, perhaps? No. The library was too quiet. He shouldn't be in a quiet place because silence made him think more. The cafeteria? No. There were far too many people. Some of whom would probably recognize him and ask questions. 

The phone vibrated again. It was a message from Mark, asking him what time he would be back. 

Donghyuck wondered if he was asking because Mark cared, or if he was asking because he was feeling guilty. Whatever. At least, Mark was still thinking about him. He should be thankful for that. 

"I can't make it to dinner. Sorry. Terror prof has been giving us too much stuff to do :("

Lie. Lying came handy in this kind of situation. Awkward? Lie. Uncomfortable? Lie. There's always a lie that could save him from every situation. 

"Ok"

"Call me if there's a problem. "

"Take care. "

There wasn't a problem. Donghyuck was taking care of himself and his heart just fine. 

Donghyuck stood up from the chair and decided to begin his quest in searching for the right place to be.

His feet began to ache as he walked. He glanced down at his feet. 

Pathetic. 

Why did he even wear these old pair of sneakers, anyway? They no longer fit him and they could see their place in the garbage can with how tattered they looked. It was his fault. 

Him, and his never ending reluctance of letting memories go. 

It shouldn't have surprised him when the soles open just as he was about to leave the building, causing some bystanders to laugh. 

Stupid shoes. 

Stupid Donghyuck. 

"Those seems to be in need of a replacement already. "

He heard someone saying. 

Donghyuck cursed himself and whoever nosy person it was who decided that Donghyuck's shoes were his business. 

"Too bad, " Donghyuck replied back. "Some things aren't worth replacing. "

Especially if they were holding so much memories.

The person snorted. "What is it with you weird humans, putting so much emotions in one object? That's just a way of inviting evil spirit to possess them, don't you think? "

Donghyuck glared up at him, only to see another student like him. Donghyuck stood up to face the other student who was centimeters shorter than him. 

"What's your size, I think I have a spare one. "

Donghyuck quirked an eyebrow. "Is it even normal for people to be offering their shoes to a stranger? "

The other student shrugged. "Is that person even a stranger if his boyfriend is dating my boyfriend? Hi. I'm Huang Renjun. "

~☆~

Donghyuck almost didn't recognize the name at first, but then, the things that Renjun said before his name sort of gave it away. 

Huang Renjun, the boyfriend of his boyfriend's new boyfriend. 

As Donghyuck sat across him in the cafe outside the university, Donghyuck couldn't help buf think about what went wrong. 

Huang Renjun fit the definition of a flower boy. With his lilac colored hair and his small and pretty face, Donghyuck couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with him. 

What was so wrong about him that his boyfriend, Na Jaemin decided to find someone new in the form of Donghyuck's boyfriend. 

Perhaps, Na Jaemin preferred someone taller? Someone with a darker hair color? 

Or maybe it wasn't physical. Maybe it was something more. 

Donghyuck didn't know what he was he was hoping for when he accepted Renjun's invitation to join him during his free period. Why he even decided to connect with a person that would most definitely remind him about the very person he was trying to ignore. 

"Is this the point when we are going to team up to split two people up? "

Renjun snorted at his question before sipping his fruit flavored juice. 

"Humans are really weird creature. Doing drastic measures because they feel unsure of themselves. I don't feel the need to break them up anyway. "

Donghyuck wondered where he was getting his confidence from especially in this situation. He was speaking to Donghyuck as if it's just him who was replaced with another guy. 

"So what do you want from me? I am certain you just didn't randomly approach me to lend me your shoes. Thank you again, by the way. "

Renjun finished his drink. "Your welcome. And good point. At least I know that you're a smart one. "

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. 

"So what do you want? "

Renjun looked straight at him for a long time. He took a deep breath before opening his mouth. 

"I don't want Jaemin to be hurt. "

Donghyuck shut his eyes close. He moved his hand away from the hot chocolate drink he ordered in fear of throwing it on Renjun's face. 

"Are you insinuating that I am capable of hurting your boyfriend? Because if that's what you're trying to say, you better check yourself. It's the other way around. "

The audacity? Donghyuck had been trying to bottle everything inside. He wasn't even confronting anyone even though he was hurting so much because of their situation. And yet, here he was, being accused of hurting someone. The very person who was hurting Donghyuck just by his mere existence. 

"Jaemin doesn't want to hurt anyone. "

Donghyuck balled up his fist. "If that's the case, then he wouldn't be dating my boyfriend. "

"Your boyfriend is dating Jaemin as well, remember? "

Donghyuck sighed angrily. Of course he knew. How could he even forget about that? But it was just so easy to blame someone he didn't know rather than to hate the person he was in love with. It was wrong, but it was easier that way. 

"What do you want from me? " he asked once again. 

"I don't want Jaemin to get hurt. "

Donghyuck sighed once again. "I don't plan to. Is that it? "

It wasn't like Donghyuck was even planning to hurt him in any form. Mark loved Jaemin. Hurting him would be like hurting Mark as well. It would be a stupid move, especially since Donghyuck was sure which side Mark was going to pick.

"You still don't get it, do you? " Renjun asked while resting his chin on his palm. "Because I think you already created an image of who Jaemin is inside your head even before meeting him. I don't want Jaemin to get hurt, and he could get hurt by hurting another person. I'm talking about you. Jaemin doesn't want to hurt you. "

Donghyuck just stared at him in stupor. "So you came to me to check if I'm okay because your beloved boyfriend is feeling guilty while thinking about me? Okay. Then go ahead and tell him I'm okay. For his peace of mind. "

Renjun stared at him for long while before speaking once again. "Are you, though? "

Donghyuck laughed sarcastically. "Yes! I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be? I mean, my boyfriend just confessed to me that he fell in love with someone else and now he's dating that someone. Sure! I'm okay. Are you? "

How and why Renjun was staying calm in this situation, Donghyuck couldn't understand. 

"I am, " Renjun replied. "I am most definitely okay with everything. "

Donghyuck tried to see signs of lies in his statement and was confused to find nothing. How in the world could anyone be fine with this situation when it's all fucked up! 

"Jaemin loves me, " Renjun said confidently. "I know that he love me, and him falling in love with Mark would never change that. "

It didn't make sense. Not at all. How could Renjun be confident about it while Donghyuck was already on the verge of breaking down because of jealousy? 

Renjun stared at him with knotted eyebrows as if in deep thought. Donghyuck wondered why when between the two of them, he and not Renjun was the one who was acting more naturally in response to the situation. 

"Did you and Mark even talk about this? I doubt you did, otherwise, you wouldn't feel this… insecure. "

Donghyuck laughed bitterly. As if there was any word that could make him feel at ease about the relationship. 

"Jaemin is not replacing you, " Renjun tried again. "Mark told you that didn't he? "

Donghyuck sighed. He didn't. And quite frankly, they didn't get to talk about it much. Just listening as Mark told him how he fell in love with Jaemin was already painful for him. So painful, that when Mark opened the opportunity for them to still be together, he just blindly grabbed it without giving it much thought. 

Because he was desperate. 

He was so pathetic. 

"Now I really think we all need to talk. "

Donghyuck's eyes snapped at him. "We don't. I don't care how you're dealing with this, but I'll deal with it my own way. You do you. Thank you for the shoes by the way. I'll just leave it back home for your boyfriend to return to you. "


	4. Snow Globe

Renjun sighed as he watched over Donghyuck's retreating form and confirmed his hunch. This wasn't going to be easy as Jaemin thought it would be. 

Normally, Renjun wouldn't bother with other people's business and wouldn't concern himself with other people's emotions. It was just not his thing. After all, the only human he cared about was Jaemin. 

Lee Donghyuck, however, could potentially hurt Jaemin without him even realizing it, and that's something Renjun couldn't just watch from afar. 

He had to do something. 

Renjun rested his chin on his palm. At least, Donghyuck didn't seem like the bad person Renjun thought he would be. If he wanted to count their blessing, at least that made situation a little less complicated. 

But it's still complicated. 

When Jaemin finally confirmed what he had been suspecting all along, that he indeed fell for another person, Renjun thought that that was the extent of complication. 

Admittedly, at first, he thought Jaemin was going to leave him for the other person, Mark Lee. Admittedly, he was initially hurt by the thought, but then again, if Jaemin didn't love him anymore, then there's no use in staying with him anymore. That's like forcing a puzzle piece in a space not even cut out for it. He didn't really get why other people do that, forcing themselves on people's lives when they're clearly not wanted. 

Pathetic humans. 

It turned out, however, that Jaemin didn't feel that way. He still loved Renjun, no less than before, even though he fell in love with Mark. And it just made so much sense to him. 

It was that easy. 

After all, he prided himself to have above average thinking capability. 

That and the fact that he had seen this type of relationship before. Personally. It made everything easier for him to understand and accept. 

The first thing that he did was to assure Jaemin that no, he wasn't wrong for feeling that way with another man, although he wished Jaemin could have talk to him about it as soon as he started feeling that way, so that they could have prepared more. 

But it wasn't like blaming him could do anything good in the situation. 

They had talked about it that day, with Renjun assuring him that it's okay to feel that way, and that if Jaemin ever wanted to pursue a relationship with Mark, there wouldn't be a problem at all. 

That's assuming that Mark Lee wouldn't mind Renjun's existence in Jaemin's life. 

That's assuming that Mark Lee was, well, single. 

When Jaemin returned home after meeting with Mark, to deliver the news that Mark would think about it, and that he would talk it out with his boyfriend, it seemed to Renjun that his alien friends were sending their signals to him from outer space. 

This was not going to be easy. 

Not even when Mark called Jaemin to inform him that he talked to his boyfriend and that the said boyfriend agreed. 

Without a fuss. 

It was too good to be true. 

He didn't want to be pessimist about it or anything, but, didn't humans usually react violently to these kinds of things? Per human standard, this was something difficult to understand because they're naturally dumb. 

So, how? 

But then again, he pushed that thought away. Whatever made Jaemin happy, he guessed. 

Until Jaemin told him that he hadn't met Mark's boyfriend yet. 

Ever. 

Which was odd, because, Jaemin had been over at their place a lot of times before. 

Renjun himself already met Mark before. He wanted to. He had to make sure that Jaemin was in good hands and not dating a douche bag. He believed it's necessary for them to meet, and to gauge their reaction if they're really prepared in what they're getting into. 

Mark didn't seem like a douche bag at first glance. And he didn't seem like a possessive person who would try to keep Jaemin to himself. At least, he seemed like a decent human being. 

He thought it would be nice for Jaemin and Mark's boyfriend, Donghyuck to meet each other, too, and too assure themselves that they weren't a threat to each other. 

Because they weren't. 

Renjun was confident that Mark wasn't a threat to him. Jaemin still loved him and Mark could never change that. That's got to be the case for Jaemin and Donghyuck, too. Which was why he couldn't understand. 

Why was Donghyuck purposely avoiding Jaemin? 

He agreed to this, didn't he? So it made Renjun wonder. If he agreed to this, why did it seem as if he's not comfortable with the situation. 

There had to be something wrong about this situation and Renjun had to find that one out before it could potentially harm Jaemin. 

Hence he decided to meet Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck didn't look like a bad person at all. In fact, he didn't seem like the selfish and green with envy kind of monster that Renjun pictured him out to be. 

Instead, he looked like a wounded prey trying to run away from everything. 

He was feeling insecure, that Renjun immediately jumped into a conclusion that he didn't even agree wholeheartedly to this relationship, which was bad, considering that consent and communication was needed to make this work. 

Donghyuck was obviously hurting. He wasn't comfortable in this situation at all that Renjun wondered what Mark had been doing all along. After all, wasn't it his job to reassure Donghyuck? He was starting to doubt if Mark was really a douche bag or not. 

No one should be hurt in this relationship. Not even Donghyuck. The last thing that Renjun needed was to see Jaemin blaming himself for someone else's pain. 

Again. 

Renjun sighed as he got up from his chair. He had to take a close look at the situation before things could get worse. 

~☆~

"Surprise, Injunnie! "

Renjun flinched a little at sound of party poppers and immediately grimaced at the mess it created on the living room. He would certainly not help clean things up. 

He immediately gave his boyfriend an inquisitive look, asking him what the occasion was. He wasn't a bad boyfriend. Renjun was sure that he remembered a lot of important dates, so he was sure that they had none during May. 

Renjun stared at the food on the coffee table before giving Jaemin an accusing look. 

"Did you skip your afternoon classes to prepare all of these? "

"No? " Jaemin tilted his head to the side. Renjun rolled his eyes. "Fine. I might have skipped my morning classes as well. "

Renjun groaned. 

"But Injunnie, they're only going to show some power point presentation. Nothing practical. I could easily get my hands on them so just let me love you, please! "

Renjun could only shake his head. Admittedly, it was hard to be angry at Jaemin. Besides, it wasn't like he had the right to be angry. It's Jaemin's decision after all. He wasn't Jaemin's mother. But not like the said mother was any better. Still, he would very much prefer if Jaemin wouldn't be extreme in trying to show Renjun his appreciation, such as potentially pissing his professors off. 

"So, " Renjun sat next to his boyfriend who who instantly beamed at him. "What's the occasion? "

"Can't I just pamper my boyfriend from time to time? "

Renjun quirked an eyebrow. "Don't you think a simple dinner would be enough? You really don't need to prepare an entire menu? "

Jaemin huffed. "I rarely even pamper you anymore. You deserve all of these. "

Renjun rolled his eyes. "I wake up to a different breakfast everyday, and a pack lunch already prepared and you're telling me I am not pampered enough? Well I am not. I'm already spoiled, Nana. "

Jaemin crossed his arms. "But I haven't been spending much time with you nowadays. Especially since I've been hanging out with Mark a lot more. "

So that was the problem. How could Renjun not have thought about that? He was starting to think that he's going dumb. Must be the result of being surrounded by dumb humans. 

"If you're thinking that I am upset that you're spending time with Mark, I am not. It's something that I know will definitely happen. But if it makes you feel better, you do know that I have no issue speaking my mind, right? I'll tell you if I'm feeling neglected. "

Jaemin sighed in relief. "I guess I might be over thinking, " he said before giving Renjun a serving of rice. "I'm over thinking that I tend to forget that I have to most understanding boyfriend in the world. Where did I even found you again? "

"In the hallway during third grade. You broke my snow globe. You were crying because you thought I'll hit you. I'm stuck with you since then. "

They both smiled at the memory. 

Renjun could still remember it clearly. Renjun was holding a snow globe with his hands as he walked back towards his classroom. The said snow globe was a price he got from his teacher for winning a spelling contest. All of a sudden, a rushing child bumped into him, causing him to fall down and let go of the snow globe which immediately fell to the ground with a crash. It was broken into pieces, but at least no one got hurt. 

Which was why it bothered him so much when the said kid started crying. 

"For the record, you look scary back then. I mean, you're always glaring at everyone. Even the teachers at times. I really thought that you're going to hit me. "

Renjun rolled his eyes. "It was just a stupid snow globe anyway. "

Renjun never really cared about stupid things and never put so much value in them. It was just a snow globe. He still won the spelling bee, with or without the snow globe. 

But what Renjun couldn't understand back then was why he didn't just walk away from the scene. Normally, Renjun would just roll his eyes at the pathetic human in front of him. But he had stayed. Something about the crying child in front of him made him curious to the point where he couldn't just leave him behind. So he had stayed until that child finally calmed down before falling asleep on him. Right in the middle of the hallway. 

"I'm not sure if I should say this but, I'm actually glad that I broke your snow globe that day. "

Renjun snorted. But still smiled to himself. He wouldn't admit it, but he actually agreed. 

Jaemin was stuck to his side since that day. Jaemin, the only kid in that the weird kid who talked about aliens befriended. 

Thinking about it, it's ironic how they met because of a broken snow globe only for Renjun, year after, to want to keep Jaemin inside that globe and shield him from the world because he's one fragile and special snowflakes. 

One who would always get hurt. 

From that moment on, Jaemin was his to protect and take care of. Especially since Jaemin really, badly, needed them so much. 

Or maybe because Renjun was the first to realize that they were more than just friends. 

Jaemin might have realized that, too, earlier than when he first acknowledged it. It's just that it had been hard for Jaemin to accept his feeling when the society, and his family was forcing him to go against who he really was. 

Again, pathetic human beings. 

But that was in the past. Jaemin was long past being in denial. But it was still Renjun's duty to make sure that Jaemin wouldn't go back to that same stage where he would start second guessing if there was something wrong with him. 

"Injunnie. " Renjun looked up from his bowl of rice to look at Jaemin as he felt the other's hand on his leg. "You know how much I love and appreciate you, right? And you know that that would never change. I will love you forever and ever and there's no one out there who could replace your role in my life. "

Renjun set the bowl of rice down on the table. His hand reached out to touch his boyfriend's cheeks. Jaemin almost immediately leaned on his touch. Renjun wasn't one to initiate skinship and mostly found himself on the receiving end. He, however, could make an exception from time to time. 

"Is this still about you dating Mark? "

Jaemin bit his lips before nodding. "I'm just really worried you'll feel upset. I really don't want you to feel neglected. I don't want you to think that you're not important to me anymore because I have Mark."

"And I'm telling you, again, I don't feel that way. I don't feel like you love me any less. "

Jaemin sighed before forcing himself to smile. "Right. Sorry. I guess that's just bothering me for while now. It's just that Mark, well…" Jaemin looked at him hesitantly. Renjun encouraged him with a nod. "I think Mark is having a problem with Donghyuck? "

Renjun shook his head. "That's their problem. Don't think about it too much. "

Jaemin sighed. "I know, " he said before picking up his own bowl of rice. "It's just that I feel like it has something to do with me. "

Not this stuff again, Renjun thought to himself. He really hated it whenever Jaemin blame himself for almost everything. 

"I told you before, I haven't met Donghyuck yet. Everytime I'm around, he's just not there, no matter how late I stayed there. It's as if he's purposely trying to avoid me at all cost. 

"I really think that that's the case, especially since Mark mentioned that Donghyuck was rarely home nowadays. That he's always busy. I feel like that's just an excuse. That he's really just trying to avoid me. 

"What's sad about this is that Mark really looked sad about the situation. He's clearly starting to miss him. I… I feel like I'm breaking them up. "

Renjun sighed. "He said he was okay with it, " he reminded Jaemin. "He shouldn't have if that isn't really the case. "

Jaemin nodded again. " I guess you're right. But what if… what if he really didn't want to? What if he just said that because he loves Mark and he wanted Mark to be happy? "

That… actually made sense. 

It's stupid, but with how humans normally behaved, it's really possible for one to agree to things they're not comfortable, with the intention of making other people happy, without knowing that they're creating a more complicated situation by doing so. 

It made sense. 

Pathetic, but it made sense. 

"It's probably the reason why Donghyuck looked hurt. "

"You met him? "

Renjun cursed himself for the slip of tongue. He was really starting to act so dumb. 

"I did. "

"How? "

"Bumped into him in the university. "

It wasn't entirely a lie. 

"And you know what he looks like? "

Renjun just rolled his eyes. "Yes. Social media? Once I know who Mark Lee is, it's just easy to find Lee Donghyuck. Don't tell me you don't even know what he looks like? "

Jaemin shook his head. "I want to meet him personally, first. I don't, you know, I don't want to have prejudice over his looks. "

Fair enough. 

"So what was he like? "

Renjun averted his gaze. "He seemed fine. "

"Fine? "

He sighed. "I'm going to be honest with you. "

He watched as Jaemin's face transformed into worry. He second guess if he should lie about it instead, but then he realized that lying, more often than not, brought more harm than telling the truth. 

"He's, probably not as ready as you thought he would be in this relationship. "

Jaemin frowned. "I knew it. That's why he's avoiding us. He's not really okay with this relationship at all. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe I should…"

Jaemin paused. Renjun realized what Jaemin was about to say but his boyfriend couldn't seem to go and finish his statement. 

"Do you think I'm a bad person if I find it hard to break it off with Mark even if our relationship is potentially harming his other relationship? "

It was a tricky question. As much as Renjun wanted to say that he wasn't, it would be dumb to give his opinion when he's not actually that sure. 

Jaemin and Mark, well, they just fell in love and falling in love wasn't a sin in itself. It's not like they could also control when and who and as to how many people they would fall in love with. 

Was love suddenly a mistake if it's hurting another person?

And Donghyuck agreed to it. He had a choice and he chose to agree. That's pretty much a consent he had given. 

But was it really a consent if it seemed given half-heartedly? 

Because that's what it seemed. 

Donghyuck agreed to this not because he really accepted that Mark had fallen in love with another person. 

He accepted it because of something else. 

Well, this was more messed up than Renjun initially thought it would be. 

"Ah! Why am I so stupid? " Renjun was pulled out of his thoughts by Jaemin's voice. "Why am I bothering you with that when it's supposed to be our time together. I'm such a shitty boyfriend. Forgive me, Injunnie! "

Renjun just rolled his eyes playfully. Whatever. They'd just worry about it later. Whatever happened, his priority would alway be Jaemin anyway. 

"How about we finish dinner so that we could go to the cafe we both love. "

"I'm not drinking your poison especially when I want to have a good amount of sleep! "

Jaemin whined. "You can order anything else! My treat! Wouldn't you like that? The smell of coffee or tea, the ambiance, boyfriend selfie? Please, Injunnie? "

He grunted. "Fine. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that the intro chapters are done, let's expect slower updates.
> 
> Thank you to all who gave this fic a chance! 💚💚💚


	5. Hoodie

"Do you think I look okay? "

Jaemin asked as he tried to get a glimpse of himself in the rearview mirror of the taxi he and Renjun was riding. He already asked for the nth time during the night. He knew that he was probably, already annoying Renjun by his repetitive question, but he couldn't help it. He was really nervous. He just wanted the night to end well. 

Renjun rolled his eyes. Jaemin would have been offended if Renjun hadn't already told him how good he looked while he was getting dressed and fixing his hair in front of the mirror. "Exquisite. Will you stop asking now, or do I have to pullout my thesaurus to find other synonymous word. I'm already running out. "

Jaemin pouted. "Will you stop teasing me? You know how nervous I am about this. "

Renjun chuckled before leaning forward to fix a stray strand of Jaemin's hair for him. "Relax. It's Donghyuck. You're not meeting Mark's parents yet. "

He pouted once again. As if the knowledge that he's meeting Donghyuck would made him feel any better than meeting anyone's parents. 

It's been three weeks since him and Mark started dating and everything was amazing to say the least. Him and Mark were able to go on dates, official once as boyfriends. They didn't feel awkward with skinship such us kissing and holding each other's hand. It was as if they were destined to do those things together, a proof that they made the right decision by giving their relationship a chance. Everything was perfect, if not for one thing. 

While Renjun had been true to his words that he wasn't bothered by Jaemin and Mark's relationship, the same couldn't be said about Mark's other boyfriend. 

Initially, Jaemin thought that it was just a coincidence that Donghyuck was never around whenever he dropped by at their place to visit Mark. He thought that the other was probably just busy that he always came home late. But that didn't seem to be the case. It was as if Donghyuck was purposely doing that to not encounter him. 

It made Jaemin feel anxious. He really didn't want to have a conflict with anyone,especially if that person is important to any of his boyfriends. 

This was the first time that Donghyuck had agreed to meet him personally and it made Jaemin both excited and scared. After all, his relationship with Donghyuck would have a great effect on how Mark would deal with them both. It was really important for them to get along so that Mark wouldn't have a hard time between them. 

Aside from that, Jaemin also wanted to reassure Donghyuck that he had no plan to take Mark away from him. Jaemin wasn't going to replace him. In fact, that would most likely be impossible! Mark himself obviously treasured him a lot, along with the memories they shared when they were young. 

Donghyuck would always have a special place in Mark's heart and Jaemin would never ever dare to invade that special space. 

"We're here, " Renjun announced as the taxi pulled over in front of the establishment. He then pulled out a few bills from his wallet to pay the driver before motioning for Jaemin to go out. 

He gulped. Well this was it. It's not going to be difficult, right? All he ever needed was to be in his best behaviour then everything would turn out alright. Probably. 

"I really can't believe Mark's idea of introducing his boyfriends to each other involves going out drinking in a bar. "

Jaemin had to agree. He loved Mark, but he honestly wasn't sure if it was a wise decision. He would much rather preferred a quiet place or something much more intimate, where they could talk about their relationship and set boundaries if needed. But then again, Jaemin would take what he could get. As long as Donghyuck was willing to meet him, then Jaemin didn't care anymore about the place. 

"Mark said he had promised Donghyuck that he would take him out to drink once they settled in, to celebrate him being an adult. But I guess, that was kind of postponed because things happened. "

Things like Mark getting a new boyfriend. It sounded wrong, even in his thoughts. Calm down nerves. Maybe he could use a drink? 

Renjun momentarily stopped walking to turn to him. His boyfriend look confused. 

"So you mean to tell me, he's fulfilling that promise today, but not like, with just the two of them as Donghyuck initially anticipated?"

Jaemin's eyes widened. "Is that bad? "

He honestly didn't think of it like that. How could he be so stupid? He was probably invading a moment that they were supposed to spend together. 

"Maybe we should just go home and cancel? Make up excuses? " he suggested nervously, already thinking about flagging a taxi once again. 

He watched as Renjun bit his lips in contemplation. "Please tell me that he at least know that were going to be here. "

Jaemin thought hard and tried to recall his last conversation with Mark. 

What did Mark say? 

Mark clearly told him that Donghyuck seemed ready to meet him already. He probably knew, right? 

"If he knew then there's no reason for us to leave. We don't know if he'll ever agree to meet you again anymore in the future. You wanted to talk to him, right? "

Badly. He really wanted to meet and speak with this Lee Donghyuck as he feel like it was all overdue. Jaemin wanted to make sure that his and Mark's relationship would run smoothly, preferably without any conflict and heartbreaks on anybody's part. The last thing that Jaemin wanted eas to chase his own happiness at the expense of someone else's sadness. 

"Relax, " Renjun commented as he reached out to hold Jaemin's hand for support. "If things get worse, we'll leave. I'm with you. Don't worry. "

Jaemin smiled before nodding at his boyfriend. He was really thankful that Renjun was being supportive for him. He couldn't imagine not being with him. 

Amidst the crowd of sober people dancing in the center and the deafening music, Jaemin and Renjun easily spotted Mark sitting in a table in the corner, a few bottles already in the table, a sign that they might have started already without them. He gave them a wave signalling them to come to their direction. 

It was only when they're a meter away from the table that Jaemin finally noticed the person beside Mark, who was seemingly making himself look small. He only stood up once Mark gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. He must be Lee Donghyuck. 

"Hi, angel!"

Jaemin blushed at the petname, but nevertheless returned th warm embrace that his boyfriend greeted him with. It was after they separated that Mark proceeded to acknowledged Renjun with a nod. 

The greetings was followed by an awkward silence, which was only broken by Mark's awkward coughing. Finally,he decided to formally introduce the person he's with. 

"Uhm, this is Donghyuck, " Mark said giving Donghyuck another pat on the shoulder. "Donghyuck, these are Jaemin and Renjun. "

Jaemin's initial thought when he focused on Donghyuck for the first time that night, was to wrap him around in a blanket and surround him with beautiful things. 

He couldn't help it. Donghyuck looked soft and adorable. And cuddly. Definitely cuddly. It's probably weird for him to think about that when Jaemin just met the person, but that's exactly what he thought. Donghyuck really looked cute to him with his messy dark hair that had already grown a little longer. Just looking at him made Jaemin immediately think of pastel colors and stuffed animals. 

He also looked a little out of place in his attire. Jaemin didn't mean it in a bad way of course. He didn't look ugly at all. It's just that while him, Renjun and Mark were wearing similar things, tight jeans and t-shirts underneath a jacket, Donghyuck was wearing a blue hoodie that seemed twice his actual size, making him look smaller that he actually was. It was so cute on him! 

But what made everything even more cute was that Jaemin recognized that hoodie. 

It was definitely Mark's. He had seen his boyfriend wore it before on one of their dates. 

Jaemin wondered if it was completely normal that he wasn't feeling an ounce of jealousy about it. He just really found the two of them sharing clothes really adorable, especially since Mark's clothes made Donghyuck look like a baby. 

If only he didn't look sad and uncomfortable. 

Was it because of him? Was he making Donghyuck feel uncomfortable? 

He really hoped that wasn't the case or else… well, he really didn't know what he should do. 

Jaemin was a little flustered when he realized that he had been staring at Donghyuck for a while. Much to his surprise, he found Donghyuck doing the same to him. It wasn't long before Donghyuck finally noticed what he was doing. He averted his gaze and looked down on the floor. 

"Let's sit down and order? " Mark offered. "What do you guys want? "

Jaemin pretended not to see the way Donghyuck shifted closer to Mark once Jaemin sat on Mark's other side. He tried to switch place with Renjun, but Mark's hand in his thigh prevented him from doing it without making his boyfriend confused. He tried to act like it wasn't a big deal, even if he's beginning to feel that he shouldn't be there at all. 

To say that the night was awkward, would be an understatement. He wasn't sure what Mark had in mind. Did he assume that they would all just fall into a comfortable conversation all of a sudden? Jaemin couldn't even fulfill what he intended to do that night which was to have serious and heart to heart talk with Donghyuck. It's just that the ambiance really didn't fit well. 

But still they tried. They tried to talk about random stuff as if they're just group of friends hanging out. Jaemin even tried having a friendly chat with Donghyuck. But as after several attempts of communicating with Donghyuck and with the latter replying just to be polite, Jaemin was sure this meeting wasn't achieving it's purpose. 

It wasn't only that. 

Everytime that he and Mark would have an interaction with each other, Jaemin couldn't help but give Donghyuck a subtle look, just to check his reaction. Everytime, Jaemin could see him looking down and frowning. It was making Jaemin guilty, to the point where he would purposely avoid Mark's touches just to not upset somebody. He also wished that Mark would get the hint. That Jaemin didn't feel comfortable being lovey dovey with him in front of Donghyuck. 

It was hard to enjoy the night when someone was probably breaking inside. 

How Jaemin wished that he could just pull Donghyuck to the side just so he could apologize to him and reassure him that he wasn't there as a competition. He just loved Mark so much, but that would never make Donghyuck less important. 

But it was pretty obvious. Donghyuck didn't like him. Not at all. But maybe that's understandable since Jaemin just basically came into his life and get in between him in Mark, even though that wasn't his intention at all. 

"Excuse me, " Donghyuck suddenly stood up just as when Mark was engrossed talking about his former prof which was tormenting the three of them. "Restroom. "

Donghyuck tried to smile, but it was obvious with the way he walked away. He wasn't okay. 

Jaemin had this urge to follow him, but at the same time, he really didn't know what to do. All that he knew was that Donghyuck was obviously upset the whole night and Jaemin, as one of the reasons why he felt that way, should at least make sure he'd be okay, especially since as Jaemin observed, Donghyuck might have had too much drink already. 

Jaemin looked at Mark who was looking at him as if they're thinking about the same thing. 

Before anyone of them could even stand up, and excuse themselves, Renjun already beat them to it .

"Excuse me. I think I need to go to the rest room as well. "

~☆~

"He doesn't like me, " Jaemin said to Mark after Renjun left, most probably to follow Donghyuck. 

Jaemin look dejected. After all, Mark saw him making efforts all night, trying to connect with Donghyuck and including him in every conversation. He really wanted everything to work out. 

Mark sighed. As much as he wanted to just brush it off and say that it wasn't a big deal, that Jaemin was just misreading the situation because Donghyuck was fine, he wasn't going to fool anyone. 

It was very obvious by Donghyuck's body language that he was anything but fine. Mark of all people should know that. 

Donghyuck wasn't the silent or shy type. He was loud, talkative and friendly even to strangers, so the fact that he contributed minimally to the conversation was obvious that he wasn't being himself. 

He wasn't comfortable to be himself. 

Maybe it was a bad idea to introduce them this soon? Maybe Mark was selfishly rushing Donghyuck to accept these changes, when his boyfriend was clearly having a hard time already. 

He should have gone through their initial plan and just go out and drink on their own. After all, Donghyuck had been looking forward to this as a celebration for him being an adult. It was a special moment that he wanted to share with Mark that he even forgo doing it until Mark had time to spare. 

When Mark brought up his promise to Donghyuck treat him out on a drink, he saw his boyfriends face brightened up immediately, only for everything to dim down once Mark mentioned going out with Renjun and Jaemin. 

Right then, Mark was ready to take it back and just spend time with Donghyuck, but for some reasons, Donghyuck said yes. 

He said yes, and Mark stupidly took it as a good sign and deluded himself that after this night, everything would finally be alright. That Donghyuck would stop being sad. That Mark would stop feeling guilty about dating Jaemin. 

Obviously, he was so wrong. 

"Do you think that he'll be able to accept us? "

There was a hint of doubt in Jaemin's question. As if he was second guessing their relationship. 

"I love you, " Mark said. "You know that, right? "

Jaemin sighed. "I know. And you know how I feel about you. But he clearly loves you, too. You love him, right? "

Mark refused to answer. He loved Donghyuck. Maybe differently than how Donghyuck loved him, but he love him nonetheless. He didn't want to lose him, but he also didn't want to lose Jaemin. Especially now, since he knew that he could have them both by his side. 

Just…

Just why couldn't Donghyuck accept things that way? 

He felt selfish for even thinking like that, but he also felt that it was unfair that he couldn't even love Jaemin freely without being burdened by Donghyuck's reaction. 

He said yes! 

Donghyuck immediately said yes when Mark opened up about wanting to date Jaemin while also dating him. He said yes, and Mark didn't even have to ask twice. 

He thought Donghyuck understood. Renjun did, didn't he? Mark really couldn't understand what he did wrong for Donghyuck to react that way. It wasn't like Mark had been deliberately spending less time with Donghyuck. If anything, it was Donghyuck who seemed to be avoiding him at all cause, leaving way before his classes would begin and going home by the time that Mark's already fast asleep. 

"He's hurting, Mark-hyung, " Jaemin pointed out as if it wasn't obvious yet. "I don't want to hurt anyone. Maybe it's best if we'll just—"

"No! " Mark interrupted before Jaemin could even finish. "Please. Don't say it. "

"But hyung, " Jaemin tried to argue again but Mark reached out to grasp Jaemin's hand. 

"No, " Mark shook his head. "You'll hurt me. If you say that, then you're going to hurt me and yourself. I love you. You love me. It's not fair. It's not fair to sacrifice our happiness because of him. "

Somehow, his statement left a bitter taste inside his mouth. Somehow, it sounded like he was willing to disregard Donghyuck's feelings in favor of him and Jaemin. It didn't seem right. But it also didn't seem right that Mark and Jaemin would give their relationship up for him. It wasn't fair! 

"It's still too early for us to give up. It's just what, three weeks? Three weeks is too short. Sure, Donghyuck's having a hard time but he'll get better in time. We can't give up yet. "

"But what if he never gets better? I don't think I'll be able to be happy with you knowing that I'm hurting someone else. "

"He'll get better, " Mark insisted. "I know him. Sooner or later, Donghyuck would realize how much you're making me happy and he'll understand. He'll be happy for me. I know him. Just please… please, don't give up on us easily. "

Just the thought of losing Jaemin was already starting to make him go crazy. He really couldn't let him go. 

"I'll deal with Donghyuck, " he promised. "I'll make sure that he'll know that both of you are special to me and that I can't lose either of you. I promise. I'll make sure he'll be okay so that you'll stop feeling guilty. "

Jaemin look conflicted. "I don't want to be a bad person. "

"You're not, " Mark assured him. "You're not a bad person. You just fell in love. We just fell in love. It's not wrong to fall in love. 

"Don't give up. Don't give up, yet. We're just starting. Things are going to get better, I know it will. Jaemin, please? I really don't want to lose you. "

Jaemin just keep on staring at him as if he's fighting a battle inside. Finally, he gave out a sigh before nodding at Mark. "Okay."

Mark felt so happy that he immediately pulled Jaemin closer to press his own lips against the latter. 

He couldn't anymore imagine a future where he wouldn't be able to do this. To kiss him. To have him near. To be with him. 

At that moment, Mark could only think about Jaemin and how much he loved him. 

The kiss felt warm, sweet and loving. It was all that mattered to him that he failed to notice the pair of eyes that was staring at their direction. Nor did he notice the owner of those eyes turn away from the view and slowly disappear among the sea of people.


	6. Juice

Jaemin was so pretty. That's the first thing that came into Donghyuck's mind when he first saw Mark's new boyfriend. 

With his pink hair styled away from his face, his eyes lined and accented with eyeshadow and thin eyeliner, and his lips tinted with the color of cherry, he was probably one of the most beautiful faces that Donghyuck had seen in this world. As if that wasn't enough, the way he carried himself while wearing a low neckline shirt underneath his black jacket only added to his charms. 

He was really pretty. No wonder Mark fell in love with him in just a short span of time. Maybe Donghyuck would, too, if he hadn't been in love with Mark already. 

He felt even more insecure about himself than he already was even before meeting Jaemin. He somehow wished that he had prepared more for this meeting and had chosen a better set of outfit. But back then, back when he was deciding whether to proceed with this meeting, all he wanted was to feel as comfortable as possible, and he thought wearing Mark's clothes would provide him that comfort. He thought it would be enough. 

It wasn't. 

He felt a little embarrassed that Jaemin caught him staring and wondered what was going inside the latter's mind, as he stared at Donghyuck as well. He's probably thinking that Donghyuck was an easy competition. That he could kick him out of Mark's life in no time. 

Or maybe not. 

If Donghyuck was going to be honest, he didn't really agree to this meet up to try and help Mark make this whole thing work. He agreed because he wanted to see who this Jaemin was. What Mark saw in him that he didn't see on Donghyuck. 

But more importantly, he came here to find reasons to hate Jaemin. 

Because hating Jaemin was the only solace that Donghyuck found in their situation.

He expected Jaemin to be the selfish person who would glare at Donghyuck when Mark wasn't looking, and who would "accidentally" spill his drink on Donghyuck to make him leave. 

But he wasn't that person. 

Instead, he had caught Jaemin looking at his direction from time to time as if to check on him, shooting him the angelic smile that probably made Mark fall in love with him. He even went to the extent where he would try to include Donghyuck in the conversation whenever he was feeling out of place. 

Because he really was feeling out of place, especially since Mark seemed to have forgotten about him, the moment that Jaemin came in. But could Donghyuck even blame him? Jaemin was really pretty. Maybe if Donghyuck would look a little more like him, then Mark would have noticed him. 

Donghyuck wondered, why couldn't Jaemin just be the person he thought he would be? That would have made things a lot easier. 

Why did Jaemin have to be so perfect and kind that made Donghyuck unable to hate him? 

Maybe that's why Mark loved him. Maybe that's why Mark preferred him over Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck regretted even coming here, especially since he had no other choice but to witness what he had been avoiding all along, to see how Mark would act with Jaemin. 

How Mark would subtly try to reach out to touch Jaemin's hand. 

How Mark would look at him with fondness in his eyes. 

How Mark would lean closer to him.

Mark never acted like that to Donghyuck. He was never the one to initiate anything. It was always Donghyuck. Maybe because Mark never really loved him enough. He never loved him as much as he loved Jaemin. 

The pain on his chest was starting to be unbearable so he tried to drown himself. Maybe if he was drunk enough, Mark would call it a night and take him home. 

But was Mark even watching him? 

Would Mark even notice? 

Maybe not. He was only looking at Jaemin. To him, only Jaemin was existing. 

He was starting to find it difficult to breathe. He was having a hard time. But did Mark even notice? He didn't. Why would he? He wasn't even looking at him. 

Donghyuck watched as Mark made another attempt to touch Jaemin's hand, the latter subtly avoiding Mark for some reason. The reason was probably Donghyuck because he caught Jaemin looking at him once again. 

What was that look he was giving Donghyuck? Pity? Guilt? Donghyuck wasn't sure. He just had to get away. 

Mark looked dejected because Jaemin rejected his touch. Was it because of Donghyuck? Was he making Mark sad with his presence? 

He had to get away. He really couldn't breathe anymore. 

"Excuse me. " everyone in their table set their eyes on him. Was he making a scene? He didn't mean to. He just really need to breathe. He tried forcing himself to smile but he wouldn't be surprised if it turned out awkward. "Restroom, " he said before walking away from everyone. 

He was feeling dizzy. Every move he made was making his head hurt. He didn't even know where he was heading at at this point. He just badly had to get away. 

It wasn't until he felt a firm hold on his arms that Donghyuck felt a surge of panic. He tried to break free, only for the person to speak to him. 

"That's definitely not where the restroom is. "

~☆~

"I don't know how you could be okay with this, " Donghyuck told Renjun while he was splashing water to his face near the sink. "I fucking don't get how you could sit there and act like this situation isn't hurting you at all. "

"Because it's not, " Renjun replied nonchalantly while being wary not to let any part of his body touch the gruesome public male restroom. "I have no reason to feel hurt at all. "

"For fuck's sake, " Donghyuck glared at him through the mirror. "Jaemin is in love with someone else and you're telling me you're not feeling hurt because of it? I'll call bullshit. "

Renjun rolled his eyes. "Humans and their habit of calling bullshit in things they don't understand. " He pulled out a clean handkerchief from his pocket and threw it at Donghyuck's direction. Donghyuck almost failed to catch it. 

"You talk as if you aren't human, " he said while wiping his face. 

"Because I refuse to believe I am, " Renjun said with confidence as if it wasn't an absurd thing to say. "Humans are stupid. They create their own conflicts. They complicate things when it's not even supposed to be that way, and they find it hard to understand things that were really basic. Like what you're doing right now. Jaemin loves Mark. But I'm most definitely sure that he loves me, too. I don't have any reason to feel bad about it. "

"Good for you," he said bitterly as he looked at his face in the mirror. He looked even worse than he did before. No wonder Mark never liked him that way. 

Renjun was looking at him with confusion through the mirror. "What do you mean by that? "

"By what? "

"Good for me? That? What do you mean by that? "

Donghyuck just shrugged. "You seems to hold your intellectual capacity above everyone, anyway. Figure it out yourself. "

Donghyuck wondered if Renjun was really telling him the truth that he was certain that Jaemin was still in love with him. If so, then Donghyuck wondered if that would make a difference. 

If things would have been easier for him to accept if Mark loved him, too. 

It wasn't fair that Renjun would call him out for complicating things. They weren't even in the same situation. 

Renjun scoffed. Donghyuck wondered why Renjun even bothered to follow him. It wasn't like he was worried about Donghyuck, right? 

"You're worrying them. You're worrying Jaemin. "

Ah. Yes. Right. Jaemin. Of course. It's always about Jaemin. 

It was never about Donghyuck deserving to free himself from the uncomfortable situation. 

It was always about Jaemin. 

Renjun and Mark. They're just the same. 

"Sorry for making your boyfriend feel bad. "

Renjun opened his mouth but wasn't able to say anything. He frowned. Donghyuck wondered if he was imagining things, or if Renjun really looked guilty. 

"Jaemin and I are going home, " Renjun announced to him. "If I tell him that I'm not feeling well, he'll want to go home. Then you could spend the night with Mark like you initially planned to. "

Donghyuck was surprised that Renjun would know about that. That this was supposed to be a Mark and him only plan? Did Mark talk about him in front of Jaemin? Why would he even bother, especially since Mark seemed to forget about him whenever Jaemin was around? 

A part of him felt hopeful that maybe Mark still cared about him, and that it wasn't just him who was forcing himself to stay in Mark's life. 

But all of that hope melted away the moment he returned and saw Mark kissing Jaemin with passion that he hadn't given Donghyuck before. 

He had to get away. 

~☆~

Renjun didn't sign up for this shit. 

If anyone would tell them that he would one day babysit another human who wasn't even Jaemin, he would have no problem committing that anyone to the nearest asylum. 

It would never happen. 

Or so he thought. 

Renjun didn't know whether to facepalm or roll his eyes once he saw Mark and Jaemin kissing, and saw Donghyuck watching them kiss. It wasn't like he was still able to do either once he saw Donghyuck bolting out of the exit. 

He didn't even know why he followed him. He just did? Maybe he's really starting to dumb down to human level. He wasn't supposed to care about anyone else other than Jaemin because all human were vile creatures except for a few people including Na Jaemin. 

But then, there he was, following Donghyuck around as he threw up on the street before moving to another bar, as if he wasn't already drunk enough. 

It was also during that moment that the only productive thing humanity ever created, he's talking about technology, failed him. His phone decided to die, leaving him with no means of contacting Jaemin, to tell him what's happening, and to ask Mark to collect his boyfriend because it's his job and not Renjun's. 

He only intended to watch over Donghyuck from afar, but after seeing questionable people approach him, most definitely with ill intentions, Renjun was left with no choice but to sit next to him. He reasoned that if something was to happen to Donghyuck, Jaemin would most likely blame himself for it. 

That, and the fact that Donghyuck didn't even look like a vile creature. He just look lost and confused, the same way that Jaemin did when he first realized he wanted to kiss Renjun but he shouldn't because he's supposed to like girls. Maybe he was one of the exceptions in the stupid race called humanity. 

So there he was, babysitting someone else's boyfriend while listening to him as he cried and talk about Mark. Renjun wasn't drunk enough for all of this. 

"Why couldn't Mark just love me instead? I already did everything! What's wrong with me? "

Donghyuck had been going on and on about that for a while, now, and Renjun wasn't sure if he really felt that way or if it's just the alcohol speaking. 

If he really felt like Mark didn't even love him, then, then why were they even dating in the first place? What kind of relationship did they even have? How did everything turned out to be more complicated than it already was? 

"But Mark loves you, doesn't he? He's your boyfriend. "

Donghyuck whined childishly. "He doesn't! But I love him so much that it hurts here! " he said while hitting his chest loudly. 

"Then why are you still dating, then? Just break up if he doesn't feel the same. "

He really wasn't drunk enough for this. He tried to steal Donghyuck's glass, only for the latter to swat his hand. 

"No! " Donghyuck said before taking another drink in one shot. If he continued he would risk alcohol poisoning, on his very first time to drink. Again, Renjun didn't sign up for all of this. "Want Mark. Love Mark! "

Renjun sighed. He was wondering if he made a mistake by opening the door towards this kind of relationship. He wondered if he should have just kept quiet and allow Jaemin when he said he'd just forget about Mark. 

On his defense, Renjun never really thought it would be so complicated. 

When his brother, Zitao, began dating two people, Renjun never really put too much thought about it even though their family was hysterical about it. So what if Zitao was dating Luhan and Yifan at the same time? It wasn't like he was cheating on either of them. Both of them knew, and both were fine with it. There's consent, and they have no problem about it, so why would Renjun be bothered? So what if their family though it was immoral, that it was bad enough that he was gay, he didn't need to do more to condemn himself. That's rich from people who were impatiently waiting for a relative to expire, so that they could get their hands on her fortune. 

Renjun thought, they could easily be like them. But with all of this complications he was belatedly learning, he was already starting to doubt if that would be the case. 

He knew that he was only supposed to think about his and Jaemin's relationship, and let others deal with their own, but he couldn't help but worry about how this dynamics between Mark and Donghyuck was going to affect them, someway or another. 

"Do you really believe that Mark doesn't love you? "

Donghyuck blink sleepily at him before shaking his head. "Not that way. "

Renjun frowned. What in the world? 

He was really confused about the situation. So, he could understand why Donghyuck would want to still be with Mark, considering how he's still head over heels with Mark. But if Mark didn't love him like he was claiming, then why the fuck did Mark seemed to not want to let Donghyuck go as well? 

Renjun was really confused except about one thing: Mark was really a douche bag, at least to Donghyuck. 

Renjun was surprised to feel something heavy being draped on him, only to realize that Donghyuck had fallen asleep on him of many other things. 

He really didn't sign up for this. 

He tried to search Donghyuck's clothes for his phone, just so he could call Mark and probably cursed at him and tell him to pick his boyfriend up. He found nothing. 

He sighed. 

It wasn't like he could leave Donghyuck on his own or send him off to a taxi without knowing the right address to tell the driver. He decided that taking him home would be the best option. 

"You're lucky, I'm feeling nice tonight, " Renjun said as he he struggled to carry Donghyuck's dead weight on his back as they made their way out. 

Donghyuck hummed. "I love you, Mark! "

Renjun rolled his eyes. 

It wasn't until they made it out to the exit that Renjun felt Donghyuck moving once again, and making a gagging sound. He reacted a little too late. He felt something wet dripping on his shirt. 

Fucking hell! Renjun didn't sign up for this!


	7. Slippers

Donghyuck tried his very best not to fall asleep in the library. He suppressed his yawn, so that he wouldn't bother the people who, unlike him, came here to study and not just to pass the time. Speaking of time, he checked the time on his phone which was placed on the table, beside the thick journal regarding principles of management. He had already read it thrice, but it seemed as if he wasn't memorizing the concepts and theories written inside. Nevertheless, he let the book remain on the table, just so he would look as if he's really studying. 

It was 8:15 pm.

Donghyuck wondered if it was already late enough for him to finally go home. If Jaemin already went home, if ever he dropped by to visit Mark. Donghyuck wasn't really sure about Jaemin's schedule, but just to be sure. After how he had reacted during their first meeting, Donghyuck wasn't sure if he's still up for a second one. 

The memory of the way Mark kissed Jaemin was still painful to him, especially since Mark never kissed him that way. Mark never kissed him at all. It was always Donghyuck leaning down to do it, and although Mark always tried to reciprocate his action, it was still not the same. 

He didn't want to walk in and see more. See something more that Mark probably wasn't even thinking about sharing with him. 

It sucked. This wasn't how Donghyuck imagined living together with Mark. Why were they even still living together, anyway? Would Mark even be sad if Donghyuck decided to just break all of their plans and start living on his own? 

Donghyuck wasn't sure anymore. But then, Mark still cared about him, right? 

Donghyuck wasn't sure what exactly happened during that night. He remembered the kiss. He remembered running away. He remembered running to a different bar to drink his pain away. Then there was a huge blank. After that, he just woke up in his room with a massive headache, without knowing how he even ended up going home. 

He felt like shit, and he was sure it wasn't just because of the alcohol. 

Mark took care of him all day, both of them not being able to attend their classes. But while Mark was there, taking care of him and making sure he would feel better, one thing was very obvious. Mark was disappointed in him. 

Part of him wished that it was because Mark got worried about him for disappearing like that, and for turning up shit faced, but a greater part of him, the one who's voice was louder than the other, fully believed that it was because Donghyuck didn't do as he was expected. 

He probably ruined the night for Mark and Jaemin by not being able to push back his jealousy. Mark was probably upset with him. After all, Jaemin was trying to be friendly all night, but Donghyuck was rejecting his attempt. 

On top of that, Mark was forced to spend his time with him when he could have been spending it with Jaemin. 

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Mark didn't care anymore, and that the messages he was sending Donghyuck, asking him where he was and what time he would be going home was just out of obligation. 

As if on cue, a notification popped on his phone, expectedly, it was from Mark. 

"Will you make it to dinner, tonight? "

Donghyuck picked up his phone and tried to think about another lie to give. 

But then, he realized, why should he still bother? It wasn't like Mark would really care if he would be there or not. 

He set his phone back down. 

It was during that moment that Donghyuck saw someone occupying the seat in front of him, a student wearing a varsity jacket similar to what Mark had at home. 

"Hi, " the said student greeted him. He gave Donghyuck a toothpaste commercial type of smile. "I hope you don't mind. This seat isn't taken, right? "

Donghyuck shook his head. Donghyuck knew who he was, Park Seungho, an HRDM freshman like him. They share most of their classes together. 

But while Donghyuck was one of the talkative freshmen in their program, who wanted to befriend everyone else (at least before the Mark and Jaemin thing happened. He somehow lost the energy to keep up with that personality), Seungho was one of the quieter students who just kept to themselves. He also looked the type to glare at everybody and pick up a fight randomly. Because of that, Donghyuck had been a little scared to approach him. 

Looking at him now, Donghyuck wondered if he had misread the other guy's character. 

It seemed like he was a different person than before. 

"You know, we're in the same program, " Seungho told him. "Im Lee Seungho by the way. "

Donghyuck pretended not to know as he took Seungho's outstretched hand. "Lee Donghyuck. "

"I know, " Seungho said almost immediately, only for him to act awkward about it later on. "I mean, not in a creepy way. It's just that we share a lot of classes together, and you're pretty hard to miss. Especially during the first day. "

Donghyuck nodded. "I see. I guess I'm a pretty loud person. " Donghyuck murmured the last sentence as he saw the librarian roaming around. 

"Not that, " Seungho chuckled, only for him to be glared at by the librarian. "I mean, you're easy to attract attention. You draw people in, you know, like the lamp to insects? Yeah, that. You just attract people. "

Donghyuck wasn't sure how to react with that. Should he say 'thank you' and treat that as a compliment? 

"Sorry, do I sound creepy to you? I swear I am nothing like that. I'm just bad with starting conversation. I'm pretty awkward, in case you don't notice. "

Donghyuck could help but smile. Somehow, Seungho's awkward behaviour reminded him of a certain nine year old boy who refused to talk to anyone, because his frequent change in residence greatly affected his ability to connect with people. Donghyuck could still remember the awkwardness, the reluctance to be in the same space with Donghyuck, only for that boy to find comfort and solace in his presence later on. If only things could remain as they were before, then up to this moment, Donghyuck would still be the most important person for that boy. 

"So… why are you alone? "

Donghyuck was taken aback by the suddenness of the question. For some reasons, he felt like it was something he was supposed to be ashamed about. 

"Sorry, " Seungho apologized once again. "I'm probably going over the line, I mean, we're not even friends, right? It's just that, I never expected you to be… a loner? I don't know if I'm overthinking or not, but I just feel like I need to ask because of the sudden change. Just in case. You're not… you're not getting bullied, are you? "

Donghyuck couldn't help but smile. He's already taking back his initial impression on Seungho. How could he be that judgemental? Seungho didn't seem like a bad person at all. He's awkward but soft and sweet on the inside. 

"I'm not getting bullied, " he replied. "But thank you. It's glad to know that some people out there are willing to step out in case I really am getting bullied. "

Seungho covered his face with his hand before groaning, causing the librarian to shushed him again. "Now, I'm really embarrassed. Why did I even think that way? I'm really sorry. I hope you're not mad. "

Donghyuck couldn't help but laugh a little. At this point they were really risking to be kicked out of the library. 

"It's really fine. I mean it. "

"To think that I already disturbed you for nonsense. What are you reading, anyway? "

Donghyuck lifted the book so Seungho could read it. "Ah, that one. Did you already finished studying chapters two and three? "

Donghyuck shook his head. "I tried. Nothing seems to get inside my head at this point. "

Seungho frown. "That's bad. I did some outlining for those chapters. Would you like me to share it with you? I can also explain things that you're finding hard to understand. Do you have time? I really want to make it up to you. "

It wasn't like Seungho really needed to make up for anything, but maybe, Donghyuck was quite glad that he wouldn't have to wait for the time to pass alone. 

He checked his phone once again. 

It was eight forty-five. They still had fifteen minutes before the library closed at nine. 

Donghyuck nodded. 

"Great! " Seungho exclaimed before pulling out papers from his messenger bag. 

~☆~

Mark couldn't explain how excited and happy he was to come home and not see Donghyuck's bunny slipper on the rack. When he had texted Donghyuck, asking him if he would make it out to dinner, he didn't get any reply. Nevertheless, he still hoped he would, so Mark ordered chicken from Donghyuck's favorite store for them to share. He initially thought that chicken would go well with beer, but remembered what happened to Donghyuck the last time. He figured that alcohol and Donghyuck didn't mix well together. 

He missed him badly. 

It was dumb, right? After all, they were still living in the same apartment. But it felt like they rarely even see each other. Most of the times, Donghyuck would be gone by the time Mark was awake, and would only return when Mark was asleep. He was always busy, at least that's what Donghyuck said. For all Mark knew, Donghyuck was avoiding him on purpose. 

And it fucking hurt. 

For eleven years, Donghyuck had always been by his side, even during those earlier days when Mark wanted nothing to do with the loud child who would not stop pestering him when he just wanted to be left alone. When Mark moved out of town to study in the university in Seoul and left Donghyuck, who was still in his last year in high school, Donghyuck would see to it that he'd be off to a bus on a Friday night to be with Mark, where the latter, and the rest of the guys in the dorm, would make sure to hide him as he stayed over for the weekends. 

Donghyuck was never too busy for him. 

Somehow, despite them living in the same city, in the same apartment, this was the farthest they had been to each other, all because Donghyuck was trying to create a distance between them. 

It was Mark fault, too. He should have tried to fix things the moment that Donghyuck started disappearing in his everyday life. But then, Mark thought that Donghyuck needed that space. That he would get it over with in time, but no. This had been going on for a long time that Mark was already feeling Donghyuck deprived. 

Even the guys in the basketball team were asking why Donghyuck wasn't coming over to their practice like he was doing at the start of the semester. Even they were already noticing Donghyuck's absence in Mark's life. 

He missed Donghyuck. 

He missed him clinging to his side at any possible time. 

He missed watching him cook breakfast for the two of them. 

He missed waking up in the middle of the night just to see Donghyuck climbing up on the bed to sleep next to him. 

He missed the surprised and sneaky kisses that Donghyuck would give him without a warning. 

He missed his warm hug. 

Most of all, he missed Donghyuck coming to him whenever he needed something. 

It was probably absurd to be pissed at Renjun for this matter, especially since he had done nothing but to look after Donghyuck during that night. Mark should feel grateful, but he couldn't help but feel that Renjun had stolen a moment from him. 

It was stupid. He didn't even feel that way over Jaemin and he's dating Renjun. Maybe it was because he was already prepared to see Jaemin with Renjun, but Donghyuck on the other hand was his to take care of. 

It was supposed to be Mark, watching over him as he tried to reach his alcohol limit for the first time. It was supposed to be Mark who would make sure he'd be able to go home safely. It should be Mark who would take care of him during his hangover. 

Granted that he was able to do the latter, but even then, Donghyuck didn't seem to want anything to do with him. 

He would always say that he's okay when it was obvious that he wasn't. 

Mark didn't understand why he would do that. Back then, Donghyuck would pester Mark to accompany him to the infirmary for the slightest scratch, and would demand Mark's full attention until he felt better. 

He just wanted Donghyuck to be like that once again. 

He just wanted to feel that Donghyuck still wanted him in his life. 

At least, Donghyuck was home tonight. Maybe Mark and him could spend time and fix whatever was broken between them so that he would stop missing Donghyuck anymore. 

"I'm home. "

Even he was a little taken aback by how happy he sounded only to hear a voice he didn't expect to respond. 

"Welcome home, then. "

~☆~

Mark never expected to see Jaemin instead of Donghyuck, so it was understandable for him to be surprised to see him behind the counter, putting several containers inside their fridge. He had already forgotten about giving his boyfriend a spare key after that instant when he had to wait outside for anyone to arrive and let him in. 

Jaemin walk around to counter to properly greet him with a hug. 

"Hi! I was about to call you to say I drop by. I was practicing my cooking skills and I thought I'd share some. Do you know what food Donghyuck likes? Maybe if I'll cook for him and he likes it, he'll begin to like me, too. "

Mark couldn't help but look down and confirm that Jaemin was indeed wearing Donghyuck's slippers. He must have been a little to excited that he hadn't noticed Jaemin's shoes by the door instead of Donghyuck's. 

He shouldn't feel disappointed. This was Jaemin, and he loved Jaemin. He shouldn't be upset to see him instead. 

He wasn't. It was just that he was really counting on seeing Donghyuck and spending time with him. It had nothing to do with Jaemin. 

Jaemin must have caught on with his reaction and traced his stare towards the slippers he was wearing. 

"This was most definitely not your slippers, right? "

Mark nodded. 

"Did you expect to see him instead? "

Mark expected Jaemin to be annoyed that he was thinking about his other boyfriend when it was Jaemin who was in front of him. But Jaemin didn't even look upset in the slightest. Instead, he was looking at Mark with a sympathetic look. 

"I'm sorry, " his boyfriend apologized sincerely. "Did you two have plans together? Am I interrupting something?"

"Not necessarily. " 

He pulled out his phone again. There was still no message from Donghyuck. 

Mark wanted to be angry. After all, Donghyuck was being inconsiderate towards him. Every night, Mark would fall asleep while waiting for him and most of the time, he didn't even have an idea where on Earth Donghyuck was. Was he safe? Was he somewhere dark and scary? 

Mark had to worry about him all the time, and he felt as if Donghyuck didn't even realize it. 

But then, how could he be angry? How could he, when he knew that Donghyuck was most probably doing it because of him. Because he decided to date Jaemin. 

Mark felt as if he was being punished because he decided to listen to his heart. 

He was lost. He loved Jaemin, but it was as if he's losing Donghyuck because of him. 

Mark sighed as he felt Jaemin's fingers caressing his cheek. The latter then grab this hand to pull him to the couch. 

"I'm sorry, " Mark said as Jaemin started cuddling him. "You came here for a visit and here I am. I can't even act like a good boyfriend. "

"It's okay, " Jaemin said without even a hint of lie. "I think I understand. I mean, if Renjun starts distancing himself from me all of a sudden, I guess I'll go crazy. I'll miss him, too, the way you miss Donghyuck. "

He was really thankful that Jaemin wasn't the jealous type. But then again, jealousy really didn't have a place in their relationship. 

"How's Renjun taking this relationship? " Mark couldn't help but ask. 

"He's fine. Nothing much changed between us, in all honesty. Is that weird. "

It wasn't weird. It was enviable. 

"I can only hope Donghyuck's taking this like Renjun. "

Jaemin suddenly pulled away to stare at Mark. He bit his lips in contemplation. 

"About that… I think I have an idea. I'm not sure if I'm right but remember when Renjun took Donghyuck to our place because he's drunk and he didn't know your address? "

How could Mark not, when he had been upset that night. First, because Donghyuck suddenly disappeared, second, he got too drunk to the point where he passed out, and three, Renjun had to take him home instead of Mark. Mark almost even argue with Renjun when the latter suggested to just let Donghyuck stay the night. He really acted childish that night, he wouldn't be surprised if Renjun was pissed with him in about it. 

"So, before you came, I was trying to help him change his shirt. He might have thought I was you? There. So he sort of asked me, I guess you. He's asking why you don't love him? "

Mark didn't know if he stopped breathing right after Jaemin finished speaking. An ugly feeling crept up to his chest. 

"There. That's the problem. Donghyuck feels like you don't love him, which wasn't true of course. You just have to make him realize that. You have to let him know that you love him the same way that you love me! "

That's the only problem. 

Donghyuck was special to him. So special. Mark loved him. He really did. It was just that he could never tell Donghyuck that he loved him as much as he loved Jaemin. 

Mark would never tell him that lie.


	8. Cheesecake

Jaemin wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing. All that he knew was that he had to do something before it was too late. Hence, he was here, spending his free period in the College of Business and Economics, in the same University he was attending, waiting for a certain boy to come out of the building in front of him. Somehow, the strawberry cheesecake that he baked suddenly felt heavy with burden on his hand. Did Donghyuck even want strawberry cheesecake? Jaemin wasn't sure. It wasn't like he could ask Mark without him getting suspicious of anything. 

Mark wasn't even aware of what Jaemin was planning to do. He probably didn't even have the slightest idea that Jaemin was planning to meet his other boyfriend. Renjun on the other hand probably did because Jaemin talked to him about it. But while Renjun warned him not to interfere, his boyfriend's warning didn't discourage him to do what he perceived was the right thing to do. 

Because as much as Mark and Renjun tried to tell him that it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help but feel like it was. 

Jaemin checked his phone, it was 11:25 am. Donghyuck's class was about to end in five minutes and he would be free for the next hour, enough time for Jaemin to talk to him. He knew because he might have snuck inside Donghyuck's room when Mark wasn't looking, just so he could take a look at his schedule. Yes, it was kind of stalker-ish, but Jaemin was really desperate already, especially since he failed to communicate with Donghyuck properly that night. 

That night that had ended in a disaster, with Mark turning into panic mode when Donghyuck (and Renjun) disappeared without saying a word. Donghyuck had also left his phone on the table, and Renjun's phone was off, so they had no means of communicating with them. Jaemin had been worried, too, especially since it wasn't like Renjun to suddenly leave Jaemin so suddenly, but Mark, well he's different. He almost got into a fight with the bouncer when, upon showing him a photo of Donghyuck, the said bouncer couldn't confirm if he had seen him leave the bar. 

Mark had cursed himself for not going after him when he left to the bathroom, knowing that it was Donghyuck's first time to drink and he was supposed to be taking care of him. It had taken Jaemin a while before he managed to calm Mark down and convince him to go home because Donghyuck might be there already. 

He hadn't been, because five minutes after Jaemin had returned to his and Renjun's apartment, Renjun came with a wasted Donghyuck in tow. 

He had been… a mess. He practically bathed in his own vomit that Jaemin had to change his shirt and clean him off with a wash cloth as Renjun showered, and while he waited for Mark to come. 

That and the fact that Donghyuck had talked in his sleep. He had talked to Jaemin as if he was Mark, asking him why he couldn't love him. It was so sad that Jaemin had the urge to cuddle him and tell him that it wasn't true. But that would have been awkward. 

Why would Donghyuck even think like that? 

Mark obviously loved him! He had no reason to think that way especially since Mark looked worried sick when he came to pick Donghyuck up, to the point where he eyed Renjun suspiciously. (Jaemin calmed him down by explaining that Renjun wasn't the type to do whatever it was that Mark was imagining him to do. )

He had no reason to doubt Mark's love for him. 

No reason except Jaemin's sudden existence in their relationship. 

Jaemin remembered when Renjun had asked him before all of this began if he love him less because of Mark. The answer was no. Absolutely, no! But he felt like that was the same thought that Donghyuck had. That Mark loved him less because of Jaemin. 

That was so wrong! 

But maybe because he was avoiding Mark, Mark wasn't able to talk to him properly about it. Hence, why Jaemin decided to do something. Maybe if he would just tell Donghyuck that he could see how much Mark loved him, then maybe he would slowly and gradually accept Jaemin's presence. 

Jaemin really hoped he would because he really didn't want to hurt anyone, but he was also at the point where he couldn't even dare to think about breaking up with Mark without breaking his own heart. 

Students slowly flooded the exit as the last morning period ended. Jaemin nervously stood there, waiting for a familiar figure to emerge. Hopefully, Jaemin would have the courage to approach him without stumbling or stuttering with his words. 

Jaemin almost didn't recognized him. 

When Jaemin first met him, he still had his natural dark brown hair. It seemed as if Donghyuck recently dyed his hair a lighter shade of brown which almost look golden under the sun. He also seemed to have curled his hair and the effect only made him look softer. 

Jaemin really wanted to wrap him around in a soft and warm blanket. 

But something else seemed to have changed. Jaemin looked at him for a long while until he finally realized what it was. 

Donghyuck was smiling! 

He was smiling as he was chatting with someone else, presumably his friend. 

He really looked different when he's happy, and Jaemin felt even worse for being one of the reason why Donghyuck wasn't smiling all the time. 

Inadvertently, Jaemin's eyes travelled to the person Donghyuck was chatting with, only for him to be suddenly hit by an odd feeling of familiarity. A familiarity, that for some reason, was giving him shivers. He felt so uncomfortable that he immediately turned back to Donghyuck, who, for the first time, seemed to have noticed his presence. 

Jaemin tried to be friendly by waving at him. The smile on Donghyuck's face disappeared as he turned to his friend to say goodbye before walking towards Jaemin's direction. 

Jaemin made the wrong decision to look back at Donghyuck's friend. The glare he was sending Jaemin sent shivers down his spine. 

~☆~

"You want to talk to me about something? "

"Who's the person you're with? "

Jaemin mentally slapped himself. That was definitely not what he intended to talk about when he planned to meet Donghyuck, but he definitely got distracted by that person. 

Unsurprisingly, Donghyuck looked at him in confusion. "A friend. "

"Does Mark know about him? "

Again, Jaemin mentally slapped himself because of the question. That sounded so wrong. 

It wasn't a surprise that Donghyuck didn't react well to his question. "I don't report to him about everyone I'm friends with. Are you… are you spying on me? "

"No, why would you—" Jaemin thought about it for a while and realized what Donghyuck might be thinking about. "No, that's not what I'm trying to do, I swear! "

The way he was asking Donghyuck sounded as if he's trying to dig up something that he could tell Mark in order to ruin their relationship. Jaemin wasn't planning to! Especially since he wouldn't even want to see Mark suffer. Donghyuck was obviously so important to him that Jaemin would never try to separate them. Not at all. 

"I… I'm not planning to do something to ruin the two of you. " Jaemin sighed. "I know it's easy to think that way, really, I don't plan to take Mark away from you. I just… I just—"

"You just love him, " Donghyuck finished for him. "I know. Mark-hyung told me about that already. And he loves you. I get it. I understand. "

Jaemin frown. Obviously, there some things that Donghyuck was missing. 

"And Mark loves you, too, " Jaemin reminded him. Somehow, a flash of disbelief was shown on Donghyuck's face before he managed to hide it away. "He loves you. Really. I can feel it. What he feels about you would always be for you. He will never give to me what's meant for you. He loves you, with or without me. 

"You see, I love Mark. But I also love Renjun. I don't love Renjun any less because I love Mark. It's the same thing! "

Donghyuck shut his eyes close and took a deep breath before opening them. 

"Did Mark-hyung send you to meet me? "

"No, " Jaemin replied. "He didn't but I just thought that since I'm part of the root of the problem, I should try to do something about it. "

But what if he was wrong? What if he's making it worse by meeting up with Donghyuck? 

Donghyuck sighed once again. 

"You said it yourself, didn't you? What's between you and Mark-hyung is yours. What's between us is ours. I don't think it's still in your place to try and meddle between the two of us. "

Jaemin bit his cheeks. That was definitely right, and it made him feel embarrassed for even being there. But still…

"He misses you. He said that himself. "

"He talks about me? "

Jaemin was a little surprised by the question. 

"He does! He really told me that. "

Donghyuck look conflicted. "He doesn't need to worry. Both of you don't need to worry. If you're both thinking that I'm doing this to guilt trip you into breaking up, that's not my goal at all. "

What? That wasn't the reason why Mark was worried. Donghyuck was clearly missing the point! 

"When Mark told me about you and asked me if I'll be okay with him dating you, and I said yes. I already agreed, but I honestly think that I have the right to take my time to adjust to this. I can't… I can't get used to these changes all of a sudden. No, I'm not planning to break the two of you apart. I don't even think I have the power to. But at least… at least I think I deserve to act like how I feel? I'm sorry that it's bothering both of you, but I don't really think I can do much about it, at this point. I need time. So go ahead. Don't bother with me. I'll be fine. "

It was heartbreaking. Understandable, but still heart breaking. Now, Jaemin felt guilty for taking things too fast with Mark. 

Maybe he should stop dropping by at their place often. He didn't even realized that he was probably invading a Mark and Donghyuck only space, and making Donghyuck feel uncomfortable in their own home. He was hurting, but he still decided to say yes just so Mark could be happy, and they were being insensitive by rubbing to Donghyuck's face how happy the two of them were. 

Jaemin was really stupid! He was really really stupid! 

"Is that all you needed to say? If that's the case, then, I'll have to go. I still need to do something before my next class. "

The plan obviously failed. Why did he even think that a simple cake would fix the problem? 

Wait, the cake! 

Donghyuck was already standing up when Jaemin remembered. 

"Wait! " Jaemin grasped his hand before he could go, causing Donghyuck to be surprised, and him to be flustered. He immediately let go. 

"I baked this for you, " he said before offering the box. 

Donghyuck switched looking between him and the box before smiling, a smile that looked genuine unlike the forced one he gave Jaemin the first time they meet. 

"You seems to be a really nice person, Jaemin. No wonder he fell in love with you. But you're not dating me. So please, stop worrying about me. "

~☆~

"Jaemin, are you going to come with me to do the grocery or are you just— what are you doing? "

Jaemin was rummaging inside a huge box filled with old photo albums and other memento-mori. 

Renjun would never understand why Jaemin would even keep them, as Renjun already threw, or rather he never really kept anything that would remind him of what the two of them left behind. 

After all, there were only a few good memories that Renjun could remember, and most of them involved Jaemin. He already have Jaemin to remind him of those memories. 

Plus, giving sentimental values to things sucked. It made it hard for humans to throw them away. 

"I'm looking for something, " Jaemin mumble before turning to him. "Do you need something? "

Renjun sighed. "I need my boyfriend to get dressed and join me in grocery shopping because I have no idea what he will need for the week. "

Jaemin cursed. "I almost forget. Sorry. I really don't mean to neglect you or anything. I'm just thinking about something. "

Renjun sighed again. Somehow, it's been a habit of Jaemin to reassure him from time to time that he wasn't forgetting about him. While it was definitely not ill intentioned, and Jaemin was just trying to make sure that he wouldn't feel otherwise, it was starting to get to him. 

He didn't need to be reassured from time to time. He wasn't insecure. 

But then again, it could also be because Jaemin was afraid of doing it like his other boyfriend. 

Renjun rolled his eyes. 

"What were you thinking about anyway? "

Jaemin just shrugged him off as if it wasn't a big deal before standing up to pick his clothes from the closet and running towards the shower. Renjun blocked him before he could even leave. 

He would fool anybody, but not Renjun. 

"What? " Jaemin asked him. 

"You tell me what."

Jaemin lightly pushed him away. "I told you it's nothing. I just met someone yesterday, and I feel like I know him but I don't remember his name at all. "

Renjun quirked an eyebrow but didn't protest when Jaemin pushed him aside to leave the room. 

Odd. It wasn't like Jaemin to think too much of a former acquaintance. "Is he someone close? " he called to Jaemin as he followed him to the bathroom, sitting down on the toilet seat as Jaemin turned on the shower. 

"Not really. He's not important."

Renjun rolled his eyes. "If he's not important, then you wouldn't try hard to remember him. "

He heard Jaemin groan. "Fine. He's a friend of Donghyuck. "

That made Renjun even more confused. "And you met him because? "

"I didn't really meet him. I just saw him with Donghyuck when I tried to talk to him. "

"You what? "

Renjun didn't know what else to say. He already warned Jaemin not to interfere since it's a Mark and Donghyuck only problem and it wasn't Jaemin's business at all. But knowing Jaemin, he was probably blaming himself about the situation again like he always did with everything.

"Please don't be mad, " Jaemin shouted over the loud sound of the running water. "I know. You told me not to. But I just really feel like I needed to try. "

Obviously. 

The thing about Jaemin is that he thought that everything was his fault when something went wrong, either in his life or in other people's life. It was exhausting, but as much as he hated this side of Jaemin, he could never be mad at Jaemin about it. Renjun could only blame the person who made him think that way. 

"So did it end well? "

"Hmm? "

"Your meeting with Donghyuck. Did it end well?"

He heard Jaemin sigh. "He look really different when he's happy. I feel really bad that I'm the reason why he's being sad. "

"We can't control other people's emotions, Jaem. "

"I know. But still, I really wish I'm not making him sad. He really does believe that Mark loves him less because of me. "

Renjun doubted if that was indeed the case. According to what he had heard from Donghyuck himself, it seemed like the problem between them was more that just Jaemin's sudden existence in Mark's life. 

Renjun prided himself to be smart, but the two of them were so confusing. 

Why was Mark even dating Donghyuck if he didn't love him? 

Why was he acting a territorial bastard to Donghyuck if he didn't love him? 

Human's and their conflicting behaviour. 

Renjun really hoped they would fix it before things between them get worse and trigger something in Jaemin. Renjun really didn't want to go through with it again. 

The water stopped running. Renjun picked up Jaemin's clothes from the sink and reached out behind the curtain to hands them out to his boyfriend. Jaemin mumbled a short thanks. 

Renjun waited for his boyfriend to come out, the latter's hair still dripping wet. Renjun took it upon himself to help the latter dry it with towel, with Jaemin bending down to accommodate him. 

As he did so, he couldn't help but to look into Jaemin's eyes. Renjun let the towel fall on Jaemin's shoulder as he cupped the latter's cheeks with his hands. 

"You know, you're not a bad person, right? " he tried reminding his boyfriend. "You never were, and I don't think you're capable of being one."

Jaemin smiled before leaning down to kiss him. He pulled away shortly after. "Thank you for always reminding me. Should I feel flattered? "

Renjun rolled his eyes. "You should be. There's only a few humans out there that I am willing to give that kind of compliment. "


	9. Rain

Seungho was fun to be with. The more that they spend time together, during breaks and even after school because Donghyuck still refused to go home in fear of seeing Mark and Jaemin together, the more that Donghyuck found himself enjoying the other boy's company. 

Seungho, despite knowing each other in a short period of time, always kept him distracted from the insecurities that Mark was making him feel. He made Donghyuck laugh. He kept him entertained. He made Donghyuck feel that he wasn't on his own. 

But that wasn't the only thing he noticed on Seungho. After all, Donghyuck knew by experience how to interpret the other boy's action. 

The confession shouldn't have anymore surprised him, when Seungho passed him a book in the library, a blue colored post it stuck on the cover with the words I like you written on it. 

Donghyuck stared at Seungho's hopeful smile and couldn't help but feel guilty that he's about to break his heart. He really liked Seungho, but nothing more than as a friend.There was nothing he could do but to reject Seungho because he knew for a fact the he loved someone else even if that someone else couldn't return his feelings. 

Because Donghyuck was a masochist who would rather keep hurting himself than to hurt others the same way. 

"I have a boyfriend, " He said a little too loud, causing the other students to send them a warning look. The words left a sour taste in his mouth. He had a boyfriend. A boyfriend whom he hadn't been spending time with for more than a month already. 

The hopeful look in Seungho's face turned into surprised. He looked flustered, as if, he wasn't expecting Donghyuck's reply at all. 

"You're just making an excuse, right? " Seungho said in disbelief. "You definitely don't have a boyfriend right now. You're just saying that to sway me from asking you out. "

Donghyuck was a little taken aback by Seungho's response, but then he realized that after being close for a while, the topic of boyfriend should have come out long ago. But then again, him and Mark had been really distant lately, and because thinking about Mark made him think about Jaemin by extention, he tried not to think about them as much when he's hanging out with Seungho. 

Donghyuck wondered if he was the asshole for not letting Seungho know earlier on. He just really initially assumed that Seungho just wanted to be friends with him when the latter first approached him. He didn't think that Seungho would see him as something more. 

"I really have a boyfriend. I'm sorry that I didn't mention it to you sooner. "

Seungho scoffed loudly before shaking his head once again. "Fine then. If you really have a boyfriend, then tell me who, because I really feel like you're just lying just so you wouldn't date me. "

He felt a little scared at Seungho's sudden aggressive behavior. The urge to tell him off and remind him that it wasn't his business was strong, but at the same time, Donghyuck felt that as a friend, he owed him an explanation on why he couldn't return his feelings.

Donghyuck took a deep breathe before answering. "Mark Lee. His name is Mark Lee and I've been in a relationship with him for two years now. "

Seungho knotted his forehead as he stared at Donghyuck intently as if finding lies in his confession. "Are you talking about Mark Lee from the basketball team? "

Donghyuck felt a little surprise that Seungho would know his boyfriend. But then again, he remembered that they were both athletes and thus probably in the same circle. 

"Yes. That's him. "

Seungho scoffed loudly, not caring whether the two of them get kicked out for being loud. "You're a terrible liar! You're not dating Mark Lee. He's dating that guy with pink hair who's studying culinary! "

Donghyuck bit his lips. He really didn't want to talk to about this in public and the stares they were getting were making him feel uncomfortable. 

"Can you please calm down? " he tried asking. "We're in the library. "

"How can I be when you're lying to me? " Seungho replied angrily. "I've been nothing but nice to you. I believe I deserve a chance and you're trying to deny that chance by lying to me! "

Donghyuck sighed. He really didn't want to talk about it, but it seemed like Seungho wouldn't let him off the hook without giving an him explanation. 

"I'm dating Mark, " he insisted. "I'm dating Mark but you're right. He's also dating Jaemin. That's… that's the kind of relationship we have. "

Seungho looked even more confused and Donghyuck couldn't blame him. Even his friends from long ago couldn't grasp and accept the idea. Hell, even Donghyuck was finding it hard to accept their new status so heshouldn't expect anybody else to be more understanding. 

"Well, then, dump him, " Seungho replied as if that was the easiest solution to the situation. "He obviously doesn't love you if he's dating another person. Break up with him so you can start dating me. "

Donghyuck bit his lips again. Those words stung even though he already knew it already. If only it was that easy to break up with Mark. 

"I love him, " he replied truthfully. "I love him and I can't break up with him. "

Donghyuck shut his eyes close as he heard Seungho cursing. "Fucking hell, are you stupid? You're really going to stick with him? He's fucking cheating on you and you're allowing him to. What the fuck? How stupid can you anymore be? "

Yes. Donghyuck was stupid. He had long accepted that. But that didn't make it less painful to hear it from somebody else. Hearing it from somebody else wouldn't make him less stupid to change his mind. 

"I'm really sorry, Seungho. I really can't return your feelings. I'm in love with someone else. "

Seungho cursed again while slamming his hand on the table loudly and leaving the room, not before shooting Donghyuck one last dirty look. He deserved it all. 

Donghyuck just wanted to shrunk on his seat and disappeared, feeling utterly embarrassed at the commotion that they had started. 

Well, this was it. He's going to be on his own once again. Maybe he deserved it because he would rather stay with Mark than with a person who seemed genuinely interested with him. 

Life fucking sucked. 

So does Donghyuck. 

Somehow, staying in the library didn't feel right to him anymore as he already felt too ashamed to stay there. He decided to leave. 

But maybe, that day wasn't really on Donghyuck's favor for just as he was walking out of the campus to search for another place to stay until he already felt like going home, it started raining hard. He cursed his luck as he ran fast to find a place to take shelter to. 

Donghyuck never really learned his lesson to carry an umbrella with him. 

He never really needed to, in the past. Not when he could call Mark and request for the older to pick him up. Mark would always act annoyed but he would nevertheless go where Donghyuck was. They would walk in the rain under one umbrella that's a little too small for the two of them. 

But it wasn't like he could message Mark this time. As far as he knew, Mark still had classes. Besides, would Mark be willing to come to him when he already had another person to share an umbrella with? 

Mark probably wouldn't. Donghyuck just needed to learn how to take care of himself without depending on Mark so much. 

~☆~

It's raining. Mark's immediate thought was to message Donghyuck and ask him where he was since his last class ended about an hour ago and Mark was sure that he didn't carry an umbrella with him. He never did no matter how many times Mark reminded him, too. 

It seemed as if the rain wasn't going to stop anytime soon. Mark was lucky his professor couldn't make it that day so he was at home early. He didn't get to walk under the pouring rain. But Donghyuck on the other hand… 

Why wasn't he texting Mark yet and asking him to pick him up? 

Maybe he was indoor, somewhere safe and comfortable where he could just wait until the rain stopped pouring. 

But at least, he should've replied to Mark's messages. 

He sighed. When was the last time they even had a proper conversation? More than a month ago? When Mark opened up about Jaemin? 

It seemed that after that day, Donghyuck refused to even spend more that a minute with him. It felt as if he was already losing Donghyuck which was far from what he intended from the very beginning. 

It was as if his worst nightmare was coming true. 

Mark realized that he needed to make an effort already. That waiting for Donghyuck to come around wouldn't work any longer. He had to do something to make Donghyuck realized that he was still as important as to Mark he was before. That Mark hadn't forgotten him already. 

Mark checked his phone again. There was still no reply. He decided that walking out on the rain to search for his boyfriend would probably be a good way of showing him that he still cared, even if the chances of finding him without knowing where he probably was would make the task difficult. 

Mark went to his room to pick an umbrella. He contemplated taking two, but he remembered how Donghyuck would cling to him as they share the same umbrella. He sort of wanted Donghyuck to do that. 

He was really Donghyuck deprived, wasn't he? 

Mark decided to pick the cane umbrella which was big enough already for the two of them to share. He only made it out of his room, when he heard the front door being unlocked. He watched as it was pushed open to reveal the very person he intended to look for. 

~☆~

Donghyuck was so drenched that it wasn't difficult for Mark to knew that he probably walked under the heavy rain instead of taking shelter somewhere, at least until the rain stopped. Mark wondered why he would even do that when he could have just message Mark like he would normally do. 

The urge to scold his boyfriend was strong until Mark focused on Donghyuck's expression. He looked upset. 

No. He was obviously upset that Mark almost immediately wanted to give him a hug. 

Donghyuck seemed to have noticed him belatedly, and when he did, he looked as if he was surprised to see Mark there. 

"You have a class, " Donghyuck said still looking confused at seeing Mark there. 

"It's cancelled. "

Donghyuck tried to subtly scan the room as if he was looking for someone. Was he looking for Jaemin? 

Was that the reason why Donghyuck would always leave early everyday and return late at night? Because he didn't want to meet Jaemin in their apartment? 

Was that the reason why Mark felt like Donghyuck was avoiding him? Because Donghyuck assumed that Mark was always together with Jaemin? 

Mark frowned. How long was Donghyuck planning to avoid him anyway? What was the point of being together if he's going to do that? 

Donghyuck continued to stand near the door, causing for a puddle of water to form on the floor. Mark cursed himself for being lost in his thoughts when he was supposed to be taking care of his boyfriend. If Donghyuck would stay like that a little longer, he would most definitely risk getting sick. 

Mark sighed as he walked towards his boyfriend, pulled him by the hand and ushered him to the bathroom. 

Mark began filling the tub with warm water as Donghyuck stood quietly behind him. 

Quiet wasn't really Donghyuck's personality. If this happened long ago, Donghyuck would probably tease him to no end for being a worry wart. Or better yet, Donghyuck would try to convince him to join. 

Mark really missed the old Donghyuck. Mark missed the old them. 

He sighed. He then turned to Donghyuck who was giving him a confused look. Mark tried to smile as he ruffled Donghyuck's wet hair. 

"Get in. I'll get you some clean clothes. "

Donghyuck blinked at him before nodding in response and muttering a short thanks. 

Mark was almost out of the door when he turned around once more to see Donghyuck peeling off his shirt. His eyes lingered on the smooth honey skin of Donghyuck's back until he realized what he was doing. He blushed profusely before exiting the bathroom.  
What was he doing? Was he really that Donghyuck deprived? 

He opened the door to Donghyuck's room only to stop momentarily, remembering how Donghyuck preferred Mark's clothes more than his own. He closed the door and proceeded to his own room to rummage his own closet. 

Once he was done and was able to leave clean clothes for his boyfriend to change into, there was only one more problem for Mark to deal with. What should he do with the sudden free time that he's going to spend with Donghyuck? 

Most of the time, it was Donghyuck who was planning and asking about things, with Mark choosing from whatever options Donghyuck would offer to him. This time, however, he felt like he had to offer something enticing or else Donghyuck might try to leave again. Would he try to leave again? Mark hope he wouldn't. He really just wanted to spend time with Donghyuck badly. 

Maybe food and movies? Donghyuck would never declined a good food and a romantic movie, coupled with a chance to stay under the blanket beside Mark. At least, that's the Donghyuck that Mark remembered him to be. 

Mark quickly opened the fridge, only to realized that he couldn't even cook at all. The last thing that he wanted was to make Donghyuck sick by feeding him his inedible cooking. There were, however, some food containers that Mark only needed to put inside the microwave. They would most likely taste good and Donghyuck would probably liked them if it weren't for one thing. Jaemin made them. Mark wasn't sure if it was a good idea to share it with Donghyuck when his boyfriend seemed uncomfortable with dealing with anything related to Jaemin. Mark really didn't want him to feel bad about anything. He just wanted to spend time with Donghyuck. 

A take-out it was, then. Mark took his phone out and open the food delivery app, making sure to pick Donghyuck's favorites. 

Donghyuck extd the bathroom a few minutes after wearing one of Mark's shirt and shorts that showcase his thighs perfectly. Mark couldn't help but stare.

Donghyuck's hair was already dried which made Mark feel a little disappointed. Normally, Donghyuck would just shove Mark a towel to ask him for help in drying his hair. 

Mark also noticed the changed in Donghyuck's hair for the first time. He dyed it a lighter shade of golden brown and even styled it with soft curls. 

"You changed your hair. "

Donghyuck looked taken aback. H reaised his hands to touch his head before nodding. "Yeah. A friend and I decided to have a little change when we went to a salon."

Mark frown. Which friend? He wanted to ask. As far as he knew, Donghyuck was avoiding their friends because most of them didn't approve of that he's still dating Mark after everything. Mark knew because because Ko Eun texted him and called him names for taking Donghyuck for granted. 

A new friend, perhaps? If so, why hadn't Donghyuck introduced them, yet? 

He couldn't help but feel jealous. It was supposed to be Mark who would accompany Donghyuck when he had he hair dyed and styled for the first time, not some new friends he probably knew not even long ago. 

He was feeling disregarded. Didn't he always come first when it comes to Donghyuck's everything? 

Mark took a deep breath before jealousy gets the better of him and ruin what supposed to be his and Donghyuck's moment. 

"It looks good on you. Suits you well. "

Mark frowned again when Donghyuck blinked at him in confusion. Was it wrong to give his boyfriend a compliment? 

"I already ordered food and it's probably coming already. For the mean time, do you want to do something? Want to watch a movie with me? Anything? It's your choice. We'll watch anything to you want. "

Mark cringed at how desperate he sounded. He fully expected Donghyuck to laugh at him because of it. 

But Donghyuck just stayed silent once again and continued to look at Mark as if what he said was out of this world. 

"I… I want to rest in my room. "

Mark felt disappointed. Why couldn't Donghyuck just cooperate? Mark just wanted to spend time with him badly! "

"Okay, " Mark answered dejectedly before an idea popped in his head. "Can I at least join you? "

~☆~

Mark lie on his side while facing Donghyuck who was lying beside him, their faces mere inches from each other that Mark was able to trace Donghyuck's features with eyes. He couldn't help but feel worried at the dark bags under his eyes. 

Was it because he wasn't sleeping enough because he would always come home late and leave early? If so, then it was definitely Mark's fault for being inconsiderate towards Donghyuck's feelings. 

Maybe he had been rushing things when he decided that inviting Jaemin in the apartment and giving him a spare key was a good idea. He didn't put much thought into giving Donghyuck the time and space to gradually adjust to the changes. 

He began wondering if Jaemin would be offended if Mark would ask him to meet in other places instead. After all, this apartment was Donghyuck's too, and Mark should stop making him feel uncomfortable in his own home. In their own home. 

He was really a shitty boyfriend, wasn't he? He wondered why Donghyuck was still not breaking up with him, only for that thought to trigger a painful feeling in Mark's chest. 

He had been stupid. All those times, Mark was thinking as if it was only him who was capable of breaking things off with Donghyuck. What if Donghyuck got fed up with him instead? What if he found someone else who would treat him better than Mark would? 

What if Donghyuck suddenly decided to break up with him and leave him with no intention of even being friends at all? 

Mark was beginning to feel scared that it would happen, and at the same time, he could really see that happening with how things currently were between them. 

Mark couldn't let that happen. He had to make Donghyuck feel that Mark never wanted him to go. 

Donghyuck was lightly dozing off already, his warm breath tickling Mark's face. Mark's eyes lingered of his soft plump lips that were slightly open. 

Before Mark could even realize what he was doing, he was leaning forward to press his own lips on him. 

Kissing Donghyuck was never a task for Mark. It wasn't like he was only kissing Donghyuck because Mark he was supposed to as his boyfriend. 

It was always pleasant, and a welcomed action that never failed to make him feel good. In fact, their first kiss was way before they started dating, with Donghyuck suggesting they do it to practice for future use. It was messy to say the least, teeth and tongues clashing against each other. Still, it felt good. So good that Mark wondered if it was right to platonically kiss his bestfriend that way. 

One thing about their kisses before was definitely common: it was always Donghyuck initiating them. 

But maybe it wasn't too late to change that? Especially since Donghyuck didn't seem to want to initiate kisses with him anymore. 

The kiss lasted shorter than Mark wanted it to, with Donghyuck pulling away before Mark could even attempt to deepen the kiss.

He just wanted to kiss him so bad that he almost reach for his neck to pull him back again, only for him to realize that that would wrong on so many levels. 

"Mark-hyung, you're acting different. You're not… you're not normally like this. "

"I'll act this way more often, " he said after swallowing hard. "I'll be like this more often. I'll stop being a shitty boyfriend, just… please…"

He sighed. He couldn't bring himself to say it, so he just opted to pulling Donghyuck to his chest and inhaling the scent of floral shampoo on his hair. He really just wanted to have Donghyuck close. 

His heart skipped a beat when he felt Donghyuck's palm under his shirt and rubbing his back comfortingly. Mark closed his eyes and tried to enjoy the moment only for it to be interrupted by his ringtone. He tried to ignore it. 

"It must be really important, " Donghyuck commented when his phone continued to ring. "You should answer it. "

Mark reluctantly pulled away to check his phone only to find himself in another complicated situation once he saw the caller's ID. 

It was Jaemin. 

Mark switched from looking at Donghyuck and his phone, not knowing what decision to make. 

"It's Jaemin, isn't it? "

Mark immediately pressed the end button and turned his phone off, wishing and praying that Jaemin wouldn't be upset about it. He was just really afraid of upsetting Donghyuck this time. He was afraid of wasting this chance to bond with him. 

"Why didn't you answer? " Donghyuck asked as Mark went back to the bed. 

"I'll just message him later. It's our time. I really just want to spend time with you. "

Donghyuck didn't seem to be expecting that answer from him at all. Mark wasn't sure if he was pleased or disappointed. 

Donghyuck sighed. "You really love him, don't you? "

Mark bit his lips. Why was Donghyuck asking him about it when they should be thinking about themselves. About Donghyuck and Mark and not about Jaemin and Mark. 

"And he really loves you, too, " Donghyuck added while his fingers touched Mark's cheeks lightly. Mark couldn't help but sigh in contentment. "He really loves you to the point where he had approach me to make sure that everything between us will be okay. "

Mark was surprised. He had no idea that Jaemin tried to speak with Donghyuck about their relationship. 

"He… he wasn't trying to kick me out of the relationship, that's for sure, so maybe this irrational thoughts are just in my head. Maybe I should stop being scared and start accepting that Jaemin is now part of your life. 

"It's just that for me, it's really something difficult to understand how my place isn't being taken over. But I have to stop thinking like that, right? He makes you happy. I should be happy. 

"And maybe, maybe one day, I'll find someone like Jaemin, too. Someone who'll love me as much as I love him and then I'll finally understand. I'll finally understand what it would feel like. "


	10. Pearls

"Pink or gray? "

Renjun tried not to roll his eyes as Jaemin raised two pairs of character socks for him to choose from. "Gray, " he told the other even when it's pretty obvious which one between the two Jaemin would pick. 

"But I think I like the pink one more, " Jaemin said with a pout causing Renjun to sigh. 

"Then choose the pink one? "

"But I already have too many pink items in my closet. "

Renjun had almost forgotten what it was like to go shopping with Jaemin. For more than a month, Renjun found himself free from the task of enduring Jaemin as he contemplated for hours in choosing between two options. 

Don't get him wrong. He really loved Jaemin. It's just that they really differ in some aspects. If it were up to Renjun, he would have just blindly put one in their cart already. After all, it was just socks. 

"Just get them both, " he finally suggested causing Jaemin's face to brighten up before tossing both items on their cart. Renjun smiled to himself. It always end the same way. 

Renjun almost lost his balance when Jaemin suddenly bumped him to the side to take their cart away from him. Renjun just rolled his eyes at Jaemin's antics. It wasn't like he was willing to point out his and Jaemin's difference in built anyway. 

"So did you get everything you're looking for? "

Renjun looked away before answering. "No. I guess I'll just look for it online. "

"That's sad, " Jaemin said as he eyed the cosmetics and skin care lane. "Are you sure you don't want to keep looking? "

Renjun just shook his head. "If you want to keep looking, go on. But don't take longer that twenty minutes. We shouldn't miss lunch."

Jaemin just blew him a kiss before leaving to swatch and test some new pallette. Renjun smiled to himself once again. 

Renjun didn't really have anything he wanted to buy anyway. It was just an excuse to ask Jaemin to go out shopping with him because he believed, Jaemin needed to go out and distract himself, and shopping would do just the trick. 

It was probably an unhealthy coping mechanism that Renjun was encouraging, but it's one of the few things that Renjun would let slide when it came to Jaemin. After all, Jaemin wasn't really the type who would overspend anyway. That and the fact that Jaemin had a hefty amount of money left for him by his paternal grandmother. 

Renjun just really wanted to take him out and help him relax after days of stressing over a person named Mark Lee, whom in Renjun's opinion, was definitely a douche bag. 

What kind of person would expect that it was okay to suddenly neglect their boyfriend for their other boyfriend? 

A Mark Lee. That's what it's called. 

After being sweet and loving to Jaemin for almost two months in their relationship, Mark decided it was okay to just suddenly cancel all of their planned dates and stop answering calls because he had to focus on Donghyuck. 

Jaemin was obviously dejected although he tried to understand. After all, he knew perfectly that Mark wasn't just his boyfriend. But it still didn't prevent him for feeling disappointed. 

Jaemin really wished that Mark would handle things a little better. To him, it was as if Mark had been excited at the prospect of dating Jaemin that he began neglecting Donghyuck, and when he realized that, he dumbly believed that it was okay to neglect Jaemin for Donghyuck's sake. He was basically repeating the same mistake on a different person. 

Stupid human. 

Renjun was starting to regret everything. Had he known that this would be more complicated than he initially thought, then he would have probably prevented this from happening. But it was too late. Jaemin was already so in love and it would break his heart if Renjun would say anything to break them up. 

The only thing that he could do was to be with Jaemin like he always did, and show him that he would always be there. 

Even if showing it to him meant being treated like a human teddy bear and enduring being his shopping buddy. 

Renjun sighed. He always had to remind himself that he loved Jaemin even if he was a lot too handle most of the time, especially during skinships. At least, Jaemin wasn't one to be showy in public. 

As if that was something to be happy about. Renjun mentally slapped himself after remembering why Jaemin wasn't comfortable clinging to him in public. 

Because he was conditioned that it was something wrong. 

That it was something to be ashamed of. 

Renjun's blood would boil everytime he would remember that. Maybe one day, despite him not being a fan of skinship, Renjun would be elated to be kissed by Jaemin in public. 

Renjun then proceeded to look at his watch. Jaemin was already gone for twenty minutes. Maybe they should just meet in the counter. Customers were already piling in the line as it was almost lunch time. 

Just as he was about to line up, Jaemin came bounding towards his direction, looking obviously upset. 

Renjun was ready to throw some punches. 

"What's wrong? "

Jaemin tried to laugh awkwardly. "Nothing. I just didn't find what I was looking for. "

Renjun had a feeling that there was more to it than just that. Something obviously made him feel upset and Jaemin wasn't that shallow to feel that way over not finding the right pallette that he wanted. 

Renjun scanned the surrounding, and true enough, in the sea of humans that Renjun felt absolutely nothing about, he found one that reminded him why he believed that humans were the worst creatures living on Earth. 

The said human was glaring at Jaemin's back before directing that glared on Renjun once she noticed him. 

Renjun recognized her clearly as she didn't change much from the last time that Renjun had seen her. 

Thick foundation that was clearly two times lighter than her actual shade. Elaborate clothes that would most likely be seen in the runway during 60's. Plastic pearls that she believed would make her look more expensive that she actually was. 

That's definitely her. Renjun would never mistake her for anyone else. 

Renjun returned her glare with a challenging one causing the utterly disgusting human being to scoff at him. 

Renjun could feel Jaemin tugging at his arm before he said something again. "Let's just go. We still need to grab our lunch, remember? "

Renjun rolled his eyes before pushing the cart to the aisle, making sure to hold Jaemin's hand securely. Jaemin tried to pull away but Renjun didn't let him. 

Jaemin had nothing to be ashamed of. 

It was when they were peacefully lining up in the counter that they heard her speaking behind them. 

"Is this why you wouldn't want to come home to me anymore, Jaeminie? Because you would rather be with him and allow both of your immorality to flourish? "

Renjun wanted to laugh. That's rich coming from a woman who had a gambling problem. 

He felt Jaemin's hands tightening. Renjun squeezed back to show his support. 

"And you're even holding each other's hand? What kind of devil are you both worshipping? I can't believe this! I thought I raised you better than this! It will only get worse if I allow you to. Come! Let's go home! "

Renjun felt himself on the verge of exploding when he realized that the ugly vile human was yanking Jaemin by the arm, and his boyfriend was too shock and confused to even react. 

Renjun pulled him back and proved himself stronger than an old woman who didn't age well. 

The said woman stomped her feet in anger. At this point, other mall goers were already staring at the commotion. It wasn't a surprised that guard would come at their direction. 

"Excuse me, may I know what's hap7oening here? "

"Oh thank god! " she exclaimed before pointing at Renjun, causing him to raise an eyebrow. "That guy is trying to kidnap my son! "

Renjun couldn't help it. He laughed. Jaemin shoot him a pleading look so he tried to hide it in. But really. What in the world? 

Pathetic human. 

The guard look at them and their entwined hands before turning back to the woman. 

"It doesn't look like a kidnapping to me, Ma'am. "

One of the decent portion of their race, Renjun decided. 

"He's corrupting my son to follow his sinful life. "

The guard look conflicted once again. "May I know how old your son is? "

"He's nineteen. "

"He's an adult. "

"No he's not! He's my son, but that guy will not allow me to take him home. "

Her son. 

Funny how she was claiming her to be her son when she didn't even act like a mother to Jaemin at all. Mothers were supposed to nurture and care for their children, not to terrorize them to the point of self destruction. 

This human. 

Of all humans dying in terminal diseases, Renjun wondered why this human wouldn't contract them as well. 

Pathetic. 

"I see that you have some family matters you want to deal with, but I will suggest taking it elsewhere and not here, or else I might have to escort the three of you outside. "

"We're peacefully standing here when she approached us, so please feel free to drag her out. After all, we are paying customers. I doubt she has any money left after losing her divorce money to slot machines. "

Jaemin stared at him with wide eyes that Renjun wondered if he overdid it. After all, Jaemin still regarded her as his mother and Renjun couldn't fathom why. 

"You faggot! "

Renjun didn't even blinked at the insult. "Try harder, pretentious beggar," he replied back. "Try as you might but you can never take control of Jaemin's funds that you have no legal claims to. "

Renjun didn't waste any more time walking away with Jaemin in tow. He felt a little sorry for the staff who would have to return everything to their respectful rack, and for Jaemin for not being able to purchase everything he placed on the cart. 

At that moment, all he wanted to do was to get Jaemin as far away as possible to his mother before that woman could put something dangerous in Jaemin's ead once again.

Renjun huffed in frustration. So much for just wanting to help Jaemin relax. 

~☆~

It felt as if Mark hadn't been in Jaemin and Renjun's apartment for long. Thinking about it hard, that was probably the truth. 

The first time was when he had to pick Donghyuck's drunk self up. It was then followed a couple of times when Mark would come and pick Jaemin up for a date. 

And then he just stopped coming. And in all honesty, that wasn't the only thing that he stopped doing. 

Even at that moment, as he waited outside for someone to answer the door, Mark couldn't help but wonder if he should really be here when Donghyuck was about to come home after a group study. Mark wanted to be there, especially since Donghyuck and his relationship seemed to have returned to normal. He really didn't want to mess it up. 

Especially since the prospect of Donghyuck finding someone who would love him more than Mark could was really scaring him. He was probably being unfair for thinking that way. After all, he had Jaemin. But then again, it was a little different. 

Mark was sure that he wasn't going to abandon Donghyuck no matter what. He wasn't sure if Donghyuck would feel the same if he found someone else other than Mark and it was scary. 

Renjun opened the door about a minute later, looking somewhat relieve to see him, which was odd because he was a little sure that Renjun wasn't that fond of him and Mark could feel that it wasn't out of jealously at all. It was because of someone else. 

"I thought you wouldn't come, " he said before opening the door wide to let Mark enter. 

In all honesty, even after agreeing, Mark was already second guessing if he should really come or just make up excuses at the last minute. 

But then, he remembered that Renjun sounded desperate when he called Mark, asking him if he had time to spare with his boyfriend. According to him, Jaemin wasn't feeling well. While he wanted to just stay home to care for Jaemin, Jaemin had insisted that he would feel bad if Renjun would miss an important workshop because of him. 

Renjun, however, wasn't comfortable with leaving Jaemin on his own, hence he called Mark for help. 

Mark wondered how sick Jaemin was that he couldn't even be left on his own. He was definitely worried for Jaemin, but at the same time, he was also worried that Donghyuck would return and found out he went to Jaemin and be upset about it again. 

"What time do you think you'll be able to come back here? "

Renjun gave him an "are-you-serious? " look before shaking his head. 

"I can just stay you, know? " Renjun replied sounding very much annoyed. "I mean, if you have no time to spare for our boyfriend, I wouldn't mind doing the job for both of us. Or better yet, why don't you just break things off with him for good, since you know, you seemed to have lost interest in being his boyfriend anyway. "

Mark was at lost for word. Where did that even came from? Why was Renjun making it seem as if he was disregarding Jaemin? 

And then it hit him. That was exactly what he had been doing for days. 

Mark was always putting Donghyuck first that he realized he was making Jaemin feel less important. 

Wow. He really was a shitty boyfriend, not just to Donghyuck but even to Jaemin. 

"You know, I never had a problem with you and Jaemin's relationship, " Renjun said looking so serious and all. "If anything, I'm actually glad that someone is going to give him the love he deserves. But being Jaemin's boyfriend isn't a magical act where you can just disappear because you want to entertain another person. It's a commitment. If you don't think you can handle that, then you might as well just say goodbye for him. For good. Don't bother him if you're just going to make him feel less important. It's bad enough that you're making him feel like he's doing something bad because he's dating you. "

Jaemin was doing something bad for dating him? Why would he even feel that way? 

"You're fucking stupid, aren't you? " Renjun just rolled his eyes. "Jaemin feels like it was his fault that you and Donghyuck were being distant. He thought it was because if him. He thought he was ruining you, when the truth it, you just never made your other boyfriend feel secure enough. 

"Of course, that's not anymore my business. But just know that your every action is having an impact in Jaemin's life more that you actually realize. "

Everything was just too much to handle. It was as if Mark opened Pandora's box and everything inside just proceeded to knock some senses into him by calling him an asshole over and over again. 

Mark took a deep breath. "I'll stay with him until you get back. Don't worry. "

Renjun rolled his eyes. "Are you sure?"

"I am, " he immediately replied. "I'm his boyfriend. I can also take good care of him. "

Renjun huffed. "Whatever. Just make sure he'll be in one piece until I get back. "

~☆~

Jaemin was buried deep under the blanket with only his pink hair peaking. Mark couldn't help but feel awe at how cute his boyfriend looked. With light footsteps, Mark gently walked near him and placed a hand in the other boy's head. 

Jaemin whined. "Injunnie, why are still here? I told you, I am fine. Stop worrying! "

Mark couldn't help but chuckle. "I am not Injunnie, though. "

Jaemin's head popped out of the blanket as Jaemin stared at him in surprise. "Mark-hyung? But I thought—"

"You thought I don't have anymore time with you, right? "

Jaemin just kept silent. Mark sighed. He motioned for Jaemin to scoot over so he could lie next to him. Jaemin obliged immediately. 

"I'm sorry, " Mark said while carding his hair on Jaemin's hair. "I'm sorry for not being around lately. I focused too much on mending things with Donghyuck that I didn't realize I'm already neglecting you. I have no valid excuse. Everything is just so new to me that most of the time I'm not sure how to do things. I do want to make both of you feel special but sometimes, I really don't know how to do it at times. Forgive me. "

Jaemin pretended to pout for a moment before giving Mark a smile, causing Mark to sigh in relief. 

"It's fine. I understand. I mean, I feel that way too sometimes. I wonder if I'm neglecting Renjun whenever I'm with you. "

Mark was glad to to have someone like Jaemin who understood what he was going through. At least, he could count on his boyfriend to give him advice since Jaemin seemed to be handling the situation better. 

"So, did you two make up? "

Mark sighed. "I'm supposed to be taking care of you, and not worrying you about things between me and Donghyuck. "

Mark still didn't know what made Jaemin sick. Surely, he didn't have a fever. A common cold perhaps? 

"You'll help me feel better if you'll talk to me, " Jaemin insisted while lying his head on Mark's pillow. "Besides, I'm worried about Donghyuck, too. I told you. I don't really want to hurt anyone. "

Mark couldn't believe how lucky he was to find a selfless person like Jaemin who not only cared about him but on Donghyuck as well. Maybe, one day, Donghyuck would learn to accept Jaemin, too. 

"I think we did? " Mark was a little unsure. "He's not avoiding me anymore so I feel like we sort of mended our relationship already. "

Mark could hear Jaemin sighing. "I'm glad. At least I know that you wouldn't break up because of me. "

Mark could still remember Renjun's word earlier about how Jaemin was blaming himself for his and Donghyuck's problem and quite frankly, Renjun was right. It was Mark fault for not making Donghyuck feel secure enough. It was definitely his fault for rushing things with Donghyuck. Jaemin shouldn't blame himself for Mark's shortcomings. 

"At least I can stop worrying about Donghyuck now. "

Mark smile amusedly to himself. Jaemin was really a sweet person for caring so much about Donghyuck even if Donghyuck was yet to accept him properly. 

"At least, I can stop thinking about him being with that person. He's really scary. "

Mark furrowed his eyebrows. "Which person? "

"That guy I saw him laughing with, " Jaemin replied nonchalantly before yawning and shuffling impossibly closer to Mark. "He was kind of creepy to be honest. I'm not sure if I'm being judgemental here or what, but. I don't think he was to be trusted. "

Mark didn't know what to say or how to react. All that he could think of was that Donghyuck was meeting someone else. 

Someone else whom he didn't bother introducing to Mark.


	11. Phone Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you guessed correctly what's going to happen next. I'm not sure of that's supposed to make you happy, though. 
> 
> Hold on tight!

Donghyuck placed his phone down on the coffee table after reading Mark's last message to him. 

He would be late. He had something important to go to. 

Mark didn't have to mention where. Donghyuck already had an idea. 

To Jaemin. 

Somehow, that knowledge didn't seem to hurt him more that he expected it would. It's like he was over that phase. Donghyuck wondered if it was because of how Mark had been for the past days. 

Mark had been… different. Good different. He acted like he had never before to Donghyuck, initiating skinship and planning dates. Mark had been all over him that Donghyuck started realizing that maybe this relationship wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. 

Mark was definitely not pushing him to the side to give way for Jaemin. If anything, Mark's action for the past days showed him that his boyfriend still valued him. Mark still loved him. 

Maybe not as much as he loved Jaemin but he loved him nonetheless. That's what's important, right? At least, Mark still cared for him unlike what he initially thought. He should be thankful for that. 

Donghyuck decided to rummage the fridge to find something to cook. It had been long since he last cooked for Mark, anyway. Somehow, he realized that it was actually him who had been neglecting Mark by avoiding him. Stupid jealousy. 

It was then that he noticed the food containers that definitely didn't belong to them at all. They were stacked together and filled with different dishes which Donghyuck wasn't sure how long had been living in their fridge. 

Donghyuck wondered if Mark had forgotten about them, hence the constant take outs and deliveries until he remembered who probably gave them. 

Jaemin. 

The first time that Jaemin decided to cook for Mark, Mark had even excitedly told Donghyuck about it and even offered to share. Of course, Donghyuck declined. The subject wasn't raised again after that, mostly because he and Mark rarely shared any meal after that. 

He had been really difficult to deal with, Donghyuck lamented. Everyone was trying to make things work except for him. Mark was trying. Jaemin was trying. Heck, even Renjun who was in the same situation as Donghyuck wasn't reacting like him. He was probably making things more difficult than it actually was. 

Maybe he should start playing his part. 

Donghyuck took out the food containers. As he expected, they weren't good for consumption anymore. What a waste of effort and resources. If he hadn't been difficult, then maybe, Mark could have enjoyed the food instead of just throwing it away. 

Maybe, to make up for it, he should cook for Mark and ask him to share it to Jaemin, too. It would probably make Mark happy to see Donghyuck making an effort, too. After all, Jaemin didn't seem so bad after all. 

He tried so hard to connect with Donghyuck. Maybe if Donghyuck would shove his insecurities to the side, then there would be a possibility for him to see Jaemin as a friend rather than as a rival. 

Too bad, there weren't many ingredients at all. He hadn't done any grocery shopping in the past days. 

What a lazy boyfriend. 

Mark would probably not leave him because of Jaemin but because he wasn't trying enough. 

Donghyuck was about to grab his phone and wallet to go to the nearest supermarket when the front door of their apartment opened and Mark came in. 

"Oh, I thought you're going to take longer, Mark-hyung. I was about to go out to buy something. Do you want me to get anything? "

Donghyuck was a little taken aback by Mark's lack of response, when the latter sat down on the sofa looking tired and distraught. 

Something was obviously wrong. Did he and Jaemin fought? 

"Something wrong? "

Mark looked up to him and Donghyuck couldn't help but feel worried. Mark looked really upset. A little angry even. 

Donghyuck moved to sit next to him immediately. He tried to touch his shoulder for comfort but Mark just pushed his hand away. 

He was a little hurt by the sudden rejection, especially since it was a little too sudden. When him and Mark parted in the morning, Mark didn't even seem to want to let him go. It was making Donghyuck feel confused. 

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong? " He asked, his eyes never leaving Mark's face. He watched as Mark licked his lips and bite them in contemplation. He was obviously hesitant, and that made Donghyuck feel even more nervous. 

Finally, about an entire minute after, Mark decided to speak up, but his words were clearly not what Donghyuck was expecting. 

"Hyuck, are you seeing someone else behind my back? "

~☆~

Donghyuck might as well just turned into a statue. He couldn't react. He couldn't say anything at all. Most of all, he couldn't figure out why Mark would even accuse him of that out of the blue. 

"Hyuck, is it true? Are you seeing someone else? Are you… are you cheating on me? "

Donghyuck scoffed. 

Wow. 

Cheating. 

Big word. 

Especially coming from someone who just one day confessed that he had allowed himself to fall in love with someone else and decided that he wanted to date someone else. 

Wow. 

Really? 

Donghyuck stood up while shaking his head. "I'm not having this conversation with you. "

Suddenly, all of his plans to make it up to Mark evaporated. He wasn't anymore in the mood. All that he wanted to do was to lock himself in the room until he calm down. 

But Mark wouldn't let him. 

"So it's true. It's true you're dating someone else without telling me. Why? "

Donghyuck couldn't help but groan as he turned to face his very irritating boyfriend once again. "Where the fuck are you even getting these idea, Mark? "

Mark looked away. "It's not important. "

Donghyuck scoffed. "Oh, it's really not, right? After all, it's completely normal for you to suddenly turn up and start accusing me of cheating when it's pretty obvious that I only love you. That's why I'm still here right? After everything, I am still here when everyone was telling me that I should run away. "

Mark looked taken aback by his sudden outburst as if it wasn't something to be expected from someone who was suddenly being accused of cheating. 

Mark stared at him in surprise. He then took a deep breath before cursing himself. He tried to reach for Donghyuck's hand once again, but Donghyuck wasn't having it. He sighed. "Hyuck, I'm sorry. I… it's just that Jaemin said he saw you with this guy and I assumed—"

"Jaemin? " he exclaimed. "Jaemin fucking told you I am cheating? "

Mark's eyes grew wide before he started cursing himself once again. He stood up to try to calm Donghyuck down, to try and hug him, only to be pushed away. 

Donghyuck couldn't believe it. He was almost starting to believe that Jaemin wasn't bad news, and then this happened. Was this his plan all along? 

After all, he remembered Jaemin being curious about Seungho when they met. 

"It's not that, " Mark desperately tried to explain. "Jaemin didn't say it like that. He just said that he saw you with someone, and I just thought of that. I'm sorry. "

"So it's cheating now to be seen with someone else. " Donghyuck couldn't help but feel even more frustrated. 

"I know all of your friends, " Mark said with a silent voice. "I know everyone except that guy, and I… it's just suspicious that you're not introducing us? "

Donghyuck shook his head in disbelief. 

He had no obligation to give Mark an official list of who he was hanging out with. And while it's true that in the past, Mark knew all if his friends, Donghyuck befriended Seungho when he and Mark were being distant to each other. There wasn't much opportunity to meet each other. 

What's annoying about that was how Mark would immediately assume he was cheating because of that. 

"It's funny how you think you can accuse me like that. It's not even me who went out on dates with someone I have feelings to behind my boyfriend's back. "

Mark took a step back in surprise. Maybe in shame as well. He then shook his head in disappointment. "Let's not go back to that, Hyuck. We already deal that. That's not the topic we're discussing now. "

They already deal with it? 

Yes. Maybe in Mark's head. Sure. Maybe to him, it was all done after Donghyuck reluctantly said yes to the relationship. But for Donghyuck, he was trying to deal with it. Everyday. 

"I'm not going to discuss regarding my so called "cheating" with someone who also cheated on me. "

Mark gave him a pained expression before letting his weight fall back on the sofa. He sat there, covering his face with his hands. 

"Is this why you're seeing him? " Mark asked again. "To get back at me because of Jaemin? Is this your way of convincing me to break up with Jaemin? "

Donghyuck pulled at his own hair in frustration. 

"I don't get where you're getting this ideas, Mark. Quite frankly, I don't even want to speak with you right now. You're frustrating. "

"You told me yourself, remember? " Mark tried to remind him. "You wish to find someone to like Jaemin. Someone who would love you like Jaemin loves me. That's why you're seeing him. Because you hate Jaemin. "

Donghyuck could feel himself shaking in anger.

Of course, Mark had to make it about Jaemin. 

It was definitely about Jaemin and not about Donghyuck who just wanted to feel loved in that way, because obviously Mark couldn't give him that. 

Because yes, he was Mark's boyfriend, but in Mark's head, in Mark's heart, he would always be his bestfriend since childhood whom he was dating out of consideration. Or was it pity? 

He would never be like Jaemin whom Mark fell head over heels for. 

He took a deep breathe before he finally started explaining. "I didn't approach Seungho because I am attracted to him. In fact I didn't approach him at all. He did. 

"I only see him as a friend. That's it, nothing more. But he doesn't feel the same way, I guess. 

"He said he likes me. " Donghyuck watched as Mark looked at him with a nervous expression. Donghyuck continued. "I told him I have a boyfriend. I love that boyfriend. Since then, I haven't contact him anymore. "

Mark looked relieved after hearing his explanation, but it only made Donghyuck feel even more frustrated. 

"I must be really stupid. I mean, he likes me, and I didn't choose him over you. You don't even love me. "

"I love you! "

"But not like Jaemin, right? You will always like Jaemin more. It's stupid. Why am I still even here? Why do you still want to keep me when you already have him? "

Mark opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out of it was air. Donghyuck rolled his eyes. 

"Because you don't want to lose me. Because you're just used to having me around and you're afraid to change that. You don't even realize how selfish it is to expect me to be okay with receiving scraps for as long as you can keep me around. 

"But don't worry. You're not just being an asshole to me. I'm being an asshole to myself as well. 

"Maybe I really made a bad call when I said yes. I should have packed my bags and let you be happy with Jaemin without me. "

Mark looked at him with panicked expression. He tried to reach out to Donghyuck once more, but Donghyuck just took his phone and wallet before walking out. 

He made it out of the apartment complex before his phone started ringing. He expected it to be Mark. It wasn't him. The call was coming from someone who hadn't contacted him in days. 

Donghyuck didn't hesitate to answer the call. 

~☆~

Renjun turned off his phone as another call came from humans he would rather not deal with. 

It was frustrating and amusing how slow human brain could be in grasping the meaning of the word "no". At the same time, it's also funny how they think they could change the meaning of that word. 

At the same time, Renjun really felt like he shouldn't be wasting his time on the when there was much more important things to deal with such as his professors who overestimated students strength and speed in accomplishing tasks for a really short period of time, and his boyfriend who's not letting his phone down. 

Maybe Renjun should just ask his alien friends to kidnap those opportunistic humans who were trying to leech on his bank account. He'd probably do that. 

Later. 

For the meantime, he set his phone aside and walk towards his boyfriend who was lazing on the couch, before snatching his phone away. 

"Hey! " Jaemin looked upset and made a motion to grab his phone back. Renjun just shook his head. "I'm waiting for Mark's reply. I'm still worried if he found Donghyuck already. "

Right. Mark again. 

Trust Mark to cause more worries to Jaemin when you asked him to do the opposite. 

"They'll figure it out themselves, " Renjun said before placing the phone back on the table. He glared when Jaemin tried to reach out to it once again. Jaemin relented. "Just stay out of it, Jaem. "

"I can't, " replied guiltily. "Not when they fought because of me. "

Renjun sighed. 

He wasn't there to witness it all, so he was mostly relying on Jaemin's recount. He wasn't sure how reliable it was since Jaemin had this habit of exaggerating things and making himself the bad person in the story all the time. A really bad habit that Jaemin was yet to overcome. 

According to Jaemin, he actually slipped and mentioned the guy whom he saw Donghyuck with. The same guy he had an unexplainable suspicion with. That's when Mark started assuming they were dating and got upset about it. 

The next thing they knew, they had a massive fight about it and Donghyuck left. He didn't return even when it was already morning, and Mark was panicking. 

What's with humans deciding that fighting was the most reasonable approach when they have an brain and mouth to use in a proper discussion? It seemed as if it was just a massive misunderstanding that was blown out of proportion. 

But misunderstanding or not, it was clearly messed up, especially since Jaemin was holding himself accountable for it. 

"You didn't tell Mark that Donghyuck is cheating, " he reminded Jaemin. "He thought about it himself. "

"But still, " Jaemin tried to reason. "I gave him that idea. I ruined everything when they're already trying to patch things up. Why am I such a menace to people's relationship? "

"Hey! " Renjun scolded hims boyfriend before shuffling closer to his boyfriend who's on the verge of crying once again. He hated seeing Jaemin like this. "You're not a menace. You never were anyway and that woman just tried to wash her hands by pinning the blame on you. It wasn't your fault back then. And it's not your fault now. Stop blaming yourself. "

Renjun watched as Jaemin took slow and deep breaths with his eyes close. Once he relaxed, he opened them once again to meet Renjun's gaze. He gave him a tired smile. "Thanks. And sorry. It's just… I'm still shaken after we met her and her words began resurfacing in my head. I can't help it. I just started believing them once again. "

This whole situation was really stressing Jaemin out. He didn't need anymore problem to deal with. 

"Do you want to go to the police and file a protection order against her? "

Jaemin contemplated before shaking his head, much to Renjun's disappointment. "He's still my mother. "

Renjun begged to disagree. A mother stopped being a mother when they stopped acting like one. But he kept his mouth shut. He knew when to give and keep his opinion. 

"Beside, the only thing that she can do is to bother me. It's not like she could get her hands on the funds that my grandmother left for me. "

Legally, she couldn't. But she could go after it by being manipulative to her only son. Renjun better watch out and make sure it wouldn't happen. 

He must have spaced out, because before he realized it, Jaemin was already pushing him down to climb up on him, settling between his legs as Jaemin's head lie on his chest. 

Renjun's hands automatically settled on his boyfriend's back. "You're getting heavier. "

"You just stopped growing. "

Renjun gave him a playful slap. 

"But seriously, " Jaemin blurted all out of sudden. "I'm glad we have this kind of relationship. You know, where we could talk about anything. "Misunderstanding really suck. "

Renjun had to agree. 

"I really wish we will always be like this. I'll tell you when something worries me so that we will not end up hurting each other. Let's not keep secrets. You'll also tell me if something's bothering you, right? "

Renjun's thought immediately went to the unsaved number calling him earlier. It wasn't like that caller was someone who could harm their relationship anyway. It was something that he could keep as a secret. 

"Yes. I'll make sure to tell you. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy to tell you all that this fic is finished, and I'm on the process of reading and editing things before uploading them. I am actually satisfied with the ending, and it's actually my most favorite ending I've written. The problem lies with the middle chapters. 
> 
> So there. You wouldn't have to worry about me leaving this fic unfinished.


	12. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previous chapter was received with a lot of reactions, and since I have a chapter ready to be posted, here it is. 
> 
> Some of you already know what's going to happen, I believe.  
> Enjoy. (Or not. 😢)

Donghyuck didn't return the night after their argument. Nor did he return the morning after. Even though Mark tried to look for him all night, he wasn't able to find him anywhere. He ended up staying all night until he got a message from Donghyuck asking him not to worry because he's safe. As if that was enough to stop him from worrying. He tried calling Donghyuck after that, but all he got was a busy tone. He then tried to look for him in his classes, but Donghyuck didn't seem to be attending his lectures as well. 

Donghyuck returned two days later. It took Mark by a surprise to see him at home, turning pages of the scrapbook that Donghyuck made to treasure all of their memories. He froze in his place. 

Donghyuck turned to him with a smile. Mark couldn't help but sigh in relief. 

"Do you remember this? " Donghyuck asked, showing him a picture of the two of them, taken when Mark was twelve and Donghyuck was eleven. The two children were standing in front of a bicycle while smiling— or in Mark's case, trying to smile. There was a tiny white plaster placed below his knee. 

Mark could still remember things clearly. 

"I scrapped my knee because I didn't know how ride a bicycle but I refused to admit that I don't know. "

Donghyuck gave out an amused chuckle. Mark could feel his heart jumping at the sound. He was lucky that he could still hear Donghyuck chuckling after everything. 

It was then that his legs remembered how to move that he was able to walk closer to where Donghyuck was. Mark stood awkwardly as stood close to him. He wasn't sure if it was okay to sit next to Donghyuck. Donghyuck seemed to notice his dilemma, that he moved to the side and patted the space next to him on the sofa. Mark obliged immediately. 

"Look, " Donghyuck said as he flipped to the next page while placing the scrapbook on his lap. "We look so happy."

Mark leaned closer. He could still smell Donghyuck's shampoo. The scent was different from the brand he was loyal, too. It must have been from whoever Donghyuck had stayed with in the past days. 

Mark looked at the pictures one by one, and couldn't help but to agree with Donghyuck's comment. Indeed, they looked so happy. They always had been. 

In all honesty, Mark was always happy whenever Donghyuck was around. Donghyuck made him happy. Always. It was as if he existed in Mark's life for that purpose. 

Such a shame, he couldn't say that he had the same effect on Donghyuck, especially recently, when all he ever gave his boyfriend was heartbreak and pain. 

"I'm sorry, " Mark said, lifting his gaze from the scrapbook to stare at Donghyuck. "I don't even know what else to say but sorry. Sorry for accusing you of cheating. Sorry for cheating on you. Sorry for hurting you. "

"Are you sorry for falling in love with Jaemin? " Donghyuck asked without lifting his gaze. 

Mark felt his breath hitched after hearing that question. He wasn't sure what to say once again. He contemplated lying, but he realized that by doing so, he would only be unfair, not only to Donghyuck but to Jaemin as well. He swallowed thickly before giving his answer. 

"No. " 

He watched as Donghyuck took a deep breathe. "I never expected you to say yes anyway. "

Donghyuck tried to smile, but even if he did, Mark could still see the pain in his expression. 

"I'm not sorry for falling in love with him, but I feel sorry for hurting you because of it. "

Donghyuck sighed. "Fair enough. "

The silence that followed them was deafening. Donghyuck continued to stare at the scrapbook while Mark stared at him. 

Mark missed the old atmosphere between the two of them. Mark missed the comfortable talks between them that used to be as normal as breathing. Mark wanted nothing else than to go back to that. 

If only he knew how. 

"Maybe we should just break up. "

To say that Mark was't taken by surprised when Donghyuck said what he said would be a lie. He was surprised, shaken and definitely scared. 

This was the moment he was dreading. He was going to lose Donghyuck for good. 

It was at that moment that Donghyuck decided to finally turn to him. There was a hint of loneliness in his eyes as he met Mark's own, loneliness that Mark wanted to chase away immediately. 

"We can make this work, " Mark tried to bargain. "If you'll give me another chance, I'll make it work. "

Donghyuck smiled bitterly. "That's what you said when you tried to ride the bike back then. You said you can do it even if you know you can't. "

"But I did learn how to ride the bike, remember? Because you taught me. Because you were patient with me. Because you stayed with me. "

Donghyuck smiled bitterly once again. He took another deep breath before answering. "I want to date someone else. "

It felt as if Mark was suddenly slapped in the face. His worst fear coming true. 

Mark tried to control his breathing. He had to think fast. He had to think of a way to compromise, or else he would lose Donghyuck to someone else. 

"Then date him, " he replied. "You don't have to break up with me just to date him. "

Donghyuck shook his head. "Seungho is not comfortable with that. "

Mark couldn't help but to immediately feel angry at whoever this Seungho was. Who was he to suddenly come to their life and steal Donghyuck away? 

Was this how Donghyuck also felt when Jaemin came to their life? But Jaemin never asked for Mark to break up with Donghyuck for him. He was different from this Seungho. 

"And you're choosing him over me? "

Mark knew that he didn't have the right to, but he couldn't help but feel betrayed. He was used to Donghyuck always putting him first. To hear that he wanted to break up because of a new guy was something really hurtful to him. 

"He loves me, Mark, " Donghyuck said with a hopeful smile. "I know you love me, too, but it's not the same kind of love and we both know that. "

It was at the moment that Mark knew, it was a losing battle. How could he compete with a person who could give Donghyuck what he couldn't? 

"What's going to happen if we break up? " he managed to choke out despite his throat constricting. "Am I going to lose you? "

Donghyuck shook his head and gave him a forceful smile. "Silly! Do you think I am willing to lose you? You're my bestfriend! "

Bestfriend. Right. It was long time since they used that label on each other. Bestfriend. Somehow, the term felt foreign on his tongue especially if the term would be used to label Donghyuck. 

"I'm not going to disappear in your life, Mark-hyung, " Donghyuck said while placing a hand on Mark's leg. "It's just that maybe dating each other was a wrong move for both of us. I love you but you don't love me like that. We're just not meant to be. We need to break up as boyfriends to be able to get back together as friends. Like the old times. Like how we should have stayed as in the first place. "

Donghyuck made it sound like it was easy to just go back to that when most of the people Mark knew couldn't even stand to stay in the same space as their ex. He didn't want the same thing to happen to them. 

"Let's break up, Mark. " Donghyuck sounded as if he's pleading and it hurt Mark even more. Was he really that much in a hurry to date that new guy? "I might not find someone else like him. I want to experience being in a relationship with someone who loves me. "

It was the end. It was over. He knew that if he was to refuse, he would be selfish for depriving Donghyuck a chance to be happy. 

They would still be friends, right? Donghyuck said they would. They can still be the same Mark and Donghyuck from before, but with a few restrictions. 

"Can I still hug you? "

Donghyuck looked surprised by the question. He thought for a moment before he nodded and open his arms. Mark didn't hesitate to grab the chance. 

"You can always hug your bestfriend. "

Mark was sure that he was already holding Donghyuck impossibly tight. He just wanted to treasure this moment. Even though Donghyuck said they could still hug anytime they wanted, he was scared that that wouldn't be the case once Donghyuck begin dating his new boyfriend. Things just wouldn't be the same. He wouldn't anymore be Donghyuck's number one. 

Something about that idea made him miss Donghyuck already even if he was inside his arms. Was it to late to change his mind? Was it too late to try and change Donghyuck's mind? Do they really need to break up? 

"You know that I'll still be here for you, right? " He heard Donghyuck's voice once again. "I will always be hear. "

Mark swallowed down the bitterness that he was feeling. They had to do this. They had to do this, in order to go back to the same Mark and Donghyuck in the photos. They had to break up in order for them to be happy together once again.

Mark made a sound of protest as Donghyuck slowly pushed him away, his soon to be ex boyfriend's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. It was hard for him, too. It was harder for him than Mark. 

"One last kiss? " Donghyuck asked with a hopeful tone. "One last kiss before we stop kissing each other? "

Mark tried to laugh it off, but every sound he made was painfully scratching his throat. One last time. One last kiss for Donghyuck, and maybe even him, to cherish. 

Mark didn't know why, but his hands were shaking as he reached out to touch Donghyuck's cheeks. Donghyuck bit his lips in anticipation as Mark slowly leaned closer. 

Mark could taste Donghyuck's tears in their kiss that started out as feather light like the very first time they kissed. 

Mark could remember it clearly. The night after their first movie date. Both of them were standing in front of Donghyuck's home, saying their goodbyes. Donghyuck told him he had a good day before pressing his palms on Mark's shoulder for a quick peck. The kiss didn't last long. Donghyuck ran off towards the door with a blush on his face. Mark was left with an amused smile and tingly feeling. 

The gentle kiss turned in something much more, with Donghyuck opening his mouth as Mark pried it open with his tongue. The kiss was wet, and hot, setting fire on their insides the same way that their first kiss after being separated for the first time had been. 

It was when Donghyuck first rode the bus to get to Mark, taking the latter by surprised as the former showed up in the lobby with a bag on his back. The kiss happened in Mark's dorm room, when his roommate was gone and Donghyuck was free to show him how much he missed Mark. Because Donghyuck never hold back. When it came to Mark, he was always willing to give everything. Most of the time, Mark found himself struggling to set boundaries. Because Donghyuck wasn't ready. At least, that was what he told himself. In reality, it was him who wasn't ready to reciprocate everything that Donghyuck was willing to give. It was his responsibility to know when to stop. 

But not at the moment. Such responsibility was long forgotten as Mark slowly pushed Donghyuck down on the couch, his mouth still on the latter, swallowing every sound Donghyuck was giving to him. This was the last time. This was the last time and Mark didn't feel like letting go. If he let go, then there wouldn't be another time. 

It wasn't until he felt Donghyuck's hand pushing his shirt up that Mark woke up from the trance. He pulled away slightly while gasping for air. He looked down on Donghyuck and saw him looking the same, but with a desire present on his eyes that Mark was aware he was mirroring.

Donghyuck bit his own lips again, and Mark found himself licking his lips and swallowing thickly as he focused on Donghyuck's red once. 

"One time, " Donghyuck said, hardly audibly, as if he was breathing and wasn't speaking. "One time and never again. One last goodbye. "

Mark didn't need to be a genius to understand what Donghyuck was asking him. But he also wasn't a genius to know it was time to stop. 

It didn't feel right to stop. 

~☆~

Jaemin kept tossing and turning in bed, sleep still nowhere to be found despite it being already two in the morning. 

"Jaemin, you know that I love you, right? But I have an early morning class tomorrow, well, today actually, and I need my sleep. I might have to ask you to move back to your room. "

Jaemin couldn't help but whine before wrapping an arm on Renjun's waist. They rarely even sleep in one bed because Renjun is a light sleeper who would wake up at the slightest movement or sound and Jaemin wasn't really a peaceful sleeper, especially when there's a lot of things to his mind. There were a few times, however, when Renjun would offer to sleep together to compromise because he knew how much Jaemin thrived on skinship. 

This was one of those instants and Jaemin was feeling guilty that he wasn't even trying his best to enjoy it. It was just that there's a lot of thing going on in his mind. 

One was his mother who was trying to return to his life by convincing him to move back together with her. A part of him wanted to because he was pitying her predicament. She absolutely had nothing already and Jaemin wanted to help her. A part of him was also afraid to have a connection with her again, after everything that she put him through. Jaemin lived all his life resenting himself for who he was because his mother made him feel that being who he was was wrong. 

She had called Jaemin a menace for being gay among many others, the reason why she and her husband divorced her because she produced a very flawed son. Jaemin grew up blaming himself for almost everything because his mother would always make it seem to be that way. It wasn't until his paternal godmother tried to make a connection with him to make up for his father's abandonment that Jaemin found out the truth. That his father divorced her because of her gambling addiction. Why his father never fought for his custody, Jaemin might never know. All that he knew was that he was still lucky to have a grandmother who left him a lump sum of money before she passed that enabled Jaemin to break free from his mother. 

He was able to break free from her but not yet in the things she made Jaemin believed in. 

One with him being a menace in other people's relationship. 

Jaemin sighed a little too loudly. Mark and him went out on a date earlier and Mark informed him that he and Donghyuck already broke up. Mark tried to reassure him that it was for the best, but Jaemin knew better. He could see it in Mark's face. He was crushed. Jaemin didn't see him, but he was sure that Donghyuck was the same. 

Both Mark and Renjun reassured him that it wasn't because of him, but Jaemin couldn't agree. Maybe he was really a menace who ruined a beautiful relationship. 

Jaemin felt Renjun pushing his arms away before he felt a movement on the bed, with Renjun sitting up and blindly reaching for the switch of the lamp. 

Jaemin frowned. He guessed he already ruined Renjun's sleep. He wouldn't be surprised if sleeping together would be less frequent than it already was. 

Renjun wordlessly stood up and left the room with his phone in hand. Jaemin wondered if he should follow him. 

He was probably being unfair to his boyfriend already, and Renjun was probably already feeling neglected. Most of the time, Jaemin found himself thinking about Mark and Donghyuck even when he's supposed to be spending time with Renjun. The last thing that Jaemin wanted was for Renjun to start thinking like Donghyuck and leave him because he wasn't a priority anymore. 

Jaemin went out to follow his boyfriend and apologize, only to see Renjun digging up snacks in the fridge while reading something on his phone. Once he noticed Jaemin's presence, immediately turned his phone off and placed it on the table. 

"Snacks? "

Renjun didn't even look irritated in the slightest. He just looked tired and sleepy. Jaemin felt guilty for disrupting his boyfriend's sleep. 

"Sorry, I woke you up. "

Renjun just shrugged it off. "It's fine. My class would end at nine anyway. I still have time to catch some sleep before my afternoon class. "

It made Jaemin feel a little relieved but he still felt a little guilty, especially since the reason why he disrupted Renjun's sleep was because Jaemin couldn't help but think about Mark once again. 

Renjun didn't seem to find anything he wanted so he just sat down on the chair and turned to Jaemin.

"So what's keeping you awake? "

Jaemin almost immediately opened his mouth, before closing it once again. He shouldn't be bothering Renjun with Mark issues anymore. He shouldn't make Renjun feel like he only cared about Mark. 

"Mom, " he answered before occupying the seat next to Renjun. 

Renjun yawned. "What did she do, this time? Is she following you around? "

Jaemin shook his head before lying his head in the table. "I haven't seen her again after that incident. "

"Then why are you thinking about her again? " Renjun asked while playing with his hair. "It's a little dry already. Should we go to the salon this weekend? "

Jaemin smiled to himself. "It's just that her words are coming back to me once again and I find it hard not to believe them. Only if we'll get couple hair color this time. "

"Everything she told you about yourself is a lie to make her feel better about herself. If we'll go back to black, then why not? "

Jaemin grunted. "Black is boring. This days, I feel like some of her words are true, like me being a menace to other people's relationship. "

"Is this about Mark and Donghyuck again? "

Jaemin lifted his head up to look at Renjun. "Clever, Injunnie. You really distracted me with the hair talk, didn't you? "

Renjun just shrugged. He didn't even try to look sheepish about it. "So it's about them? "

Jaemin just sighed. "It's fine. Let's not talk about them. You must already be tired of hearing about them from me. We could talk about anything else. "

Renjun rolled his eyes. "We could talk about anything. Including them, especially if it's something that really bothers you. I don't know if you have forgotten, but communication is a big deal. I'll tell you when I'm fed up with having them as a topic, but at the moment, I am not, and I just want to know what it is about them that's making you lose sleep. "

It really never failed to amaze Jaemin how much patience Renjun had with him. "Why are you always putting up with me? "

Renjun rolled his eyes again. "Because I love you and you're one special human being that I want to take care of and protect. Now, a penny for your thought? "

Jaemin just sighed before confessing what he was thinking about. "I really think it's my fault that they broke up. "

Renjun huffed. "No, it's not your fault. "

"Not completely, but I played my part. I still had something to do with it. "

"It's beyond your control, Jaemin. It's their relationship. It's them who decided to end things between them. "

"Would they even consider breaking up if it wasn't for me? "

Renjun stayed silent for a while. Such silence was enough for Jaemin i confirm his hunch. It it wasn't for him, Mark and Donghyuck would still be together. 

"Do you want to break up with Mark, Jaemin?"

The question had him taken aback for a moment. Admittedly, although he had thought about that the first time that he met Donghyuck, he wasn't anymore as willing to let Mark go. He loved him so much and just the thought of breaking up with him was already breaking his heart. 

"You don't want to, right? " Renjun asked again. "And that's fine. You love him and regardless of my opinion with Mark, I can see that he loves you, too. So stop punishing yourself for just trying to be happy. "

"Isn't that selfish? To chase happiness at the expense of another person? "

Renjun just shrugged. "Either way, someone's bound to get hurt. It could be Donghyuck, it could be Mark and it could be you, unless a compromise us reached. The latter, obviously, is highly unlikely. You didn't make the decision who to hurt. They decided among themselves and that's beyond you. "

But still, if only there's still a way for Jaemin to fix everything up. Why couldn't everyone just be happy like they deserve to? 

Renjun yawned once again. "I think I can sleep now. Want to go back to bed? "

Jaemin hesitated. "I might keep you up again. "

Renjun shook his head before standing up and pulling him by the hand. "Not if I put you in my vine grip embrace. "


	13. Buzzer

The final buzzer rang across the stadium a mere second after the ball went inside the basket. Mark looked at the score board. 

Home:102, Guest:100. 

The crowd erupted into cheers. 

Mark wiped off the sweats on his forehead with his forearm. At the same time, he felt a strong slap on his back that made him cough. 

He turned around to see their team captain, Jaehyun, looking at him with a proud smile. 

"Nice. You did great Mark! "

"Perks of having inspiration around, " Ten commented in a teasing manner before the rest of their team lifted him up in the air in a celebratory manner. 

That's right. Inspiration. Mark couldn't help but look in a particular section of the crowd, to search for two familiar faces. 

Jaemin and Donghyuck were standing side by side, both with a proud smile on their face. Mark couldn't help but to mirror the gaze. After all, he also couldn't help but be proud, seeing the two of them together without an obvious tension. 

"Wow, you are so whipped," Ten commented. 

"Go get your boy then, " Jaehyun urged as he gave Mark a slight push. 

Boys, he corrected in his head before rushing towards where Donghyuck and Jaemin were. Mark made a few stops to chat with some players in the opponents team before finally being able to climb the bleachers where Jaemin and Donghyuck were patiently waiting for him. 

"You did great, babe! " Jaemin greeted him cheerfully before jumping to give him a hug. Mark almost lost his balance but was able to hold himself and Jaemin up. He gave an amused chuckle before kissing Jaemin's hair. 

"Thank you, Angel. "

Jaemin pulled away slightly, giving Mark the opportunity to give him a quick peck on the lips. Once Jaemin finally let him go did Mark finally turn his attention to Donghyuck. 

"You did okay. Not really that good, but okay. "

Mark couldn't help but laugh at Donghyuck's teasing. He then pulled his other boyfriend by the waist and leaned closer to kiss him on the lips. 

Only for Donghyuck to turn away, causing Mark's lips to land on his cheeks instead. 

"Uh, Mark-hyung?"

Mark froze in his spot upon realizing his mistakes. 

Right. They broke up. It's been two weeks since that day. Donghyuck wasn't his boyfriend anymore. He was back to being Mark's bestfriend. 

Reluctantly, Mark had no other choice but to let Donghyuck go and stare at his flustered expression. Mark caught himself staring at Donghyuck's plumped lip while licking his own. He scolded himself. What was he doing? He's just making the atmosphere really weird for both of them. 

Mark coughed awkwardly before muttering an apology. Donghyuck pretended not to hear, prompting Mark to act as if nothing happened. It was better that way. 

"So, uh, the team is going to have a celebratory dinner. You two are coming, right? "

"I can come, but I have to be home before night," Jaemin replied immediately. "Renjun have this early morning commitment tomorrow and I don't want him to lose sleep by waiting for me. "

Mark nodded. "I can take you home before nine." There was absolutely no problem with that. Mark understand that Jaemin also had Renjun to think about. Somehow, him having Renjun never really came out as problem to them. Mark couldn't help but feel like he's handling the relationship better than he thought he would. Mark then turned to his other boyfriend, or rather, his bestfriend. Really, he should stop being confused about it already. 

"Hyuck? "

Mark gave him a hopeful smile. Donghyuck hesitated before answering. 

"I'm…gonna have to pass. "

Mark couldn't help but frown. Donghyuck wasn't coming? But he tagged along most of the time even when Mark was still part of the high school basketball team. It wasn't something exclusive to when they started dating. 

"Sorry, hyung, " Donghyuck apologized while squeezing his cheeks before immediately pulling his hand away. "Seungho and I have plans today. " Donghyuck proceeded to look at his watch. "I am actually running late. "

Just the mention of Donghyuck's new boyfriend's name made Mark feel uncomfortable. "You haven't even dated for a month and he's already hoarding you, " Mark caught himself blurting out before realizing it. 

He mentally cursed himself. Wow. He sounded like a jealous and possessive boyfriend to his bestfriend. There was definitely something wrong with that. 

Donghyuck tried to force a laugh. "Hey, I still made it to your game."

But that wasn't enough, especially when Donghyuck used to give him more. 

"I really have to go, " Donghyuck insisted while giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder. "See you at home, Markie! " Donghyuck said before turning to Jaemin and giving him a wave. He gave Mark one last apologetic smile before going to the exit. 

"Are you sure he didn't just said that because I am here? Because I can leave. We can just celebrate some other time. "

Mark jumped in surprised upon hearing Jaemin's voice. He was too caught up with feeling dejected while watching Donghyuck's retreating form that he had almost forgotten Jaemin was with him. 

What the fuck is wrong with him? He's looking for Jaemin when Donghyuck was present, and he's looking for Donghyuck when it's Jaemin who was with him. 

Mark schooled his expression before turning back to Jaemin. He gently shook his head. "He's not avoiding you. He really just have a plan with Seu— his boyf— that guy. He just had something planned with him. "

Mark cringed at himself. He was most definitely being unfair by being mean to a person he was yet to meet. Donghyuck had already invited him more than once to introduce his new boyfriend, but Mark just made excuses not to go. Most of those excuses involved Jaemin even though they really didn't have something planned around those time. He just couldn't help it. There was something inside his chest squeezed tight just by hearing Donghyuck mentioning his name. Mark couldn't help but think about those times when Donghyuck also refused to meet Jaemin, and Mark had insensitively invited Jaemin over several times. Now he understood how much of an asshole he had been, especially since he and Donghyuck were still dating back then. Mark couldn't imagine how hurt Donghyuck was when he's feeling this way and they're not even together anymore. 

"That sucked. I thought we could hang around more for a bit. "

Mark chuckled. He wasn't anymore sure if Jaemin was just saying that because of Mark or if he was really enjoying Donghyuck's company. The latter didn't seem unlikely as they somehow shared similar bright and friendly personality, with Donghyuck somehow returning to his normal behaviour after their break up. 

Mark checked upon them once from their team's corner and saw them chatting with each other. Jaemin looked delighted and Donghyuck didn't look awkward at all. They seemed to match well together. Mark couldn't help but feel regretful that this things didn't happen before. 

But then again, the case was different now. Donghyuck wasn't anymore the boyfriend who was jealous of his boyfriend's new boyfriend. He was the bestfriend who was probably sharing Mark's funny stories to his bestfriend's boyfriend. 

Mark tried to fake a laugh before wrapping an arm around Jaemin as they walked back to the locker room. "Maybe you can hang out next time. "

"Right, " Jaemin agreed. "I actually unlocked an achievement today. "

Mark couldn't help but be amused about Jaemin's enthusiasm. 

"I actually managed to find a common ground with Donghyuck. We both love games. We actually made plans to play together one day. I think he's beginning to trust and like me. "

"That's good, " Mark commented. "Maybe you'll be good friends one of these days. "

Jaemin hummed in agreement. "Then maybe after that, you can ask him out again and everything will turn out fine this time. "

Mark coughed awkwardly. "Let's not talk about that. "

As much as possible, Mark really didn't want to think about that. He was only getting even more confused than he already was. After all, their situation was what Mark aimed for from the very beginning. He wanted to date Jaemin without losing Donghyuck and that's exactly what happened. Donghyuck was still with him. In fact, he was still going to live with Mark until the end of the semester. He was still Mark's friend, and from the very beginning, that's all they should have been, right? So there was no reason for him to feel confused. He was dating Jaemin, so he wasn't supposed to feel something for Donghyuck that he's only allowed to feel for his boyfriend. 

Mark couldn't help but blame it in that night, and his inability to say no. He should have said no when Donghyuck suggested they sleep together for the first and last time as their final goodbye. Since then, Mark couldn't get over how dejected he felt when he woke up and saw Donghyuck gone. What did he expect anyway? That Donghyuck would stay and cuddle up next to him? That was certainly not something exes would do. 

It was just sex, anyway. Break up sex. Just a beautiful goodbye they decided to share with each other. That's all it should be, regardless of how emotional they both were during that night.

In fact, maybe he should forget about that. He should forget that it ever happened so that he could stop the insane jealousy he was feeling with the thought of Donghyuck and his new boyfriend sharing the same moment. He shouldn't go that way. He shouldn't try to complicate things when the two of them are just trying to fix everything. 

"Are you really sure you don't want him back? "

Mark turned to his boyfriend who was giving him a skeptical look. "I can see that you miss him. "

Mark forced himself to smile. "I'm fine. Besides, Donghyuck seems happier this way. "

He found someone who would love him. He found someone who would treat him better than Mark ever did. Mark would be selfish to try and ruin that, just because of this sudden surge of jealousy and possessiveness that he was feeling. He shouldn't try to confuse Donghyuck just because he was feeling confuse himself. That would be unfair. The last thing Mark wanted to do was hurt him again, when he already hurt Donghyuck enough in the past to even forgive himself. 

Jaemin looked conflicted but he ended up keeping it to himself. "Whatever makes both of you happy. "

Whatever made Donghyuck happy would make Mark happy as well. The final buzzer for his and Donghyuck's relationship ended that night, and although Mark wasn't sure if he won or if he lost, he of all people didn't have the right to request for an over time. 

~☆~

"Here you go, Iced Americano with four shots of espresso. How are you still alive after drinking this so much? "

Jaemin just gave Mark a grateful smile while reaching out for the cup. Despite them dating for months already, he was still amazed by the contrast in Jaemin's personality. His bright personality and even his hair color which had obviously gotten a retouch contrasted with his choice of drink. He tried to take a sip of Jaemin's coffee one day and the taste was beyond traumatic. Someday, he'll try to come up with a way to convince Jaemin to drink coffee less. 

They ended up ditching the celebratory dinner because things had gotten quite awkward. 

Some of his teammates still didn't grasp the reality that him and Donghyuck already broke up and kept on bringing him up. He didn't want to make Jaemin feel like an outcast so they just decided to leave and grab dinner on their own. Before they could leave, however, Lucas and Jungwoo chased after them to apologized on the rest of the team's behalf. They didn't mean to offend Jaemin and they were sorry. It was just that Donghyuck also made friends with a few of them, although they realized that by mentioning Donghyuck over and over again, they were being disrespectful Jaemin. 

Jaemin just brushed it off with a laugh while saying that he understood. He really had a huge gap to fill. 

Mark couldn't help but frowned at that. It sound as if Jaemin was replacing Donghyuck in his life and it's so wrong. No one could ever replace Donghyuck in his life. Ever. Not even Jaemin. Jaemin had an entire space dedicated just for him. Mark didn't even give them a proper goodbye when he pulled Jaemin away. He was still pissed by their behaviour. 

That and the fact that they kept reminding Mark of the good times when he was still dating Donghyuck when he was trying hard not to think about that.

"You know, I haven't thanked you yet. " Mark looked up from his drink to glance up at Jaemin. "For what you did earlier, I mean. While I do get where they were coming from, it's really nice to have someone try to defend me. Not to be that damsel in distress that needs saving but most of the time, I really just let things slide. Renjun used to be the only one stepping up for me so it's nice to have you now. "

Mark rubbed the back of his head with his hand. "It's not really a big deal. "

Jaemin shrugged. "To you, maybe. To me it is. It's nice to have another hero to depend on, oppa. "

Mark choked on his drink. He felt himself heating up. Jaemin burst in a fit of laughter once he realized. 

"Do you like it that much when I call you oppa? "

Mark shut his eyes close as he tried not to whine childishly. "Please, stop. "

Jaemin just continued to laugh his heart out. Once Mark opened his eyes, he could actually see tears in the corners of Jaemin's eyes. "Okay, okay, " Jaemin put his hands up. "I'll stop now. But seriously, I'll remember that for future use. "

Mark just shook his head in mock offense. He mentally reminded himself to prepare for a heart attack once Jaemin called him by that again. 

"But really. Thank you, " Jaemin repeated again. "It's hard to find people like you. And Renjun. I must never forget Renjun, too. You don't mind, do you? "

Mark just shook his head. "You and Renjun really came a long way, right? "

Jaemin nodded enthusiastically. Mark couldn't help but be amused at his boyfriend's enthusiasm to talk about Renjun. 

"We met when we were kids, and he's stuck with me since then. I'm still not sure why he's putting up with me until now, " Jaemin said the last statement with a laugh. 

"He must really love you a lot. "

"He does, " Renjun agreed. "And I love him, too. He's the only family I have right now. "

Mark smiled in understanding. The story was somehow very relatable to him and it involved a person whom he was trying hard not to think about. 

"I haven't told you before, but I really don't have a good relationship with my parent. And the day Renjun asked you to watch over me, it's because I feel bad about meeting my mother again. "

Mark was a little surprised by the confession. Not only was he shock at the real reason why Renjun looked dead serious that day. He was also shocked at the amount of similarities him and Jaemin had. 

"Do you find it weird that I have a weird relationship with my family? " Jaemin asked with so much insecurity. 

"No, " Mark immediately denied. "I actually don't have a good relationship with my parents, too. "

"You don't? " Jaemin asked him, skeptically. 

Mark nodded. "I used to live with them in Canada, but then they wanted to focus more on their individual careers so they dumped me off with my grandmother. But that's fine. My grandmother loves me. Then I met Donghyuck so it was all good. He became my family. "

Mark mentally scolded himself for mentioning Donghyuck once again. Jaemin looked as if he wasn't bothered by it in the slightest. He was just looking at Mark sympathetically. 

"I'm like that with Renjun, too. Will you feel bad if I tell you that I wish I was dumped to a relative who actually cared?"

Mark shook his head. While initially, he felt bad for the way his parents passed their responsibility to another person, for some like Jaemin, that could have been the better option. 

Jaemin sighed in relief. "I actually wished Mom just passed me on to anyone or put me up for adoption instead of going through everything she put me through. I mean, I ended up hating myself because she made me believed that I was the reason why Dad divorced her. At first, it was because I made her ugly by being pregnant with me. Later on, because I act too… too feminine. That I am abnormal and that's the reason why Dad had left. "

Mark couldn't help but feel angry on Jaemin's behalf. What kind of parent would torment their children like that? Somehow, he felt kind of grateful that his parents left him alone and didn't use him as punching bag. Jaemin's mother had been so unfair to him. Mark couldn't help but wonder how Jaemin managed to survive. 

"That's, " Mark stopped before he could say something rude. "I don't know what to say. It must have been hard on you. "

"It was, " Jaemin admitted. "Because of it, I didn't even realized I'm in love with Renjun. "

Mark furrowed his eyebrows. "Is that even possible? To love someone and not even realize it at the exact moment love happened? "

"He's just my bestfriend. That's how I viewed him for so long. Besides, I was conditioned to believe that falling in love with a guy was wrong, so maybe I internally suppressed my feelings. Good thing Renjun was still willing to accept me once I realized how dumb I had been. "

Mark tried not to think about it. No. That wasn't the case between him and Donghyuck. He really didn't love him that way. He wasn't just confused like Jaemin had been to Renjun. That's what he had to believe in. Simpler. Lacked complication. It was better that way. 

Suddenly, Mark couldn't help but feel grateful to Renjun for saving Jaemin during those times when Mark was yet to meet him. It was because of him that Jaemin was free not only to love Renjun but Mark as well. 

"Now I feel guilty for even asking you to break up with Renjun the first time. That was so selfish, knowing how much Renjun means to you. I am so not in the position to break you two up. I could never compare to him. "

Jaemin just smile. "It's fine. It's in the past. Back then, we're both clueless about this kind of relationship. And please don't compare yourself to Renjun as if I would care about you less. I wouldn't even tell you about those things if I don't love and trust you enough. "

It was then that Mark realized that he and Jaemin just made a milestone in their relationship by opening up about their scarred past. Somehow, it was as if they had gotten closer. Mark was sure that he felt a need to take care and protect Jaemin even more. 

Maybe that's what Mark really needed to do. To focus his attention on Jaemin instead of confusing himself with the feelings he was suddenly having for his already ex-boyfriend. Maybe they should watch a movie since it's not yet that late. 

Mark was supposed to ask Jaemin until he noticed his boyfriend staring at one side of the room. Mark couldn't help but to trace his boyfriend's gaze. There was a couple on the table across them, and Mark wondered what was it about them that made Jaemin stare. 

"Someone you know? " Jaemin looked at him looking a little frightened. He contemplated before he decided to say something. 

"That's… I think that's Donghyuck's boyfriend. "

Mark stared in surprised before turning his gaze back to "the couple". The guy was leaning to close to the girl for it to be considered friendly. Mark turned back to his boyfriend. 

"Are you sure? "

Jaemin looked conflicted. "No. Not really. But he's the guy I saw Donghyuck with. I'm not really sure anymore. "

When Mark looked back at them, he was a little taken aback to see the guy looking and their direction with an intense glare. Something about his eyes made the imaginary alarm buzz inside Mark's head. There was something wrong with this guy, and Mark had to look out for Donghyuck if ever he was indeed the boyfriend. 

Mark was torn whether to confront the guy or just let it go for the moment. Before he could decide, a loud buzz caught his attention. 

Jaemin immediately reached out for his phone. Mark watched as Jaemin immediately paled upon opening the message. 

"Hyung, I need to leave. It's an emergency! "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly feeling anxious around this times because Ber months for the Bicol Region means it's Typhoon season. We just survived one last Sunday, and the electricity resumed two days after, and yet we're anticipating another on Saturday. I hate it so much, and I hate how this is making me feel like I just won the Hunger Games and now I have to do it again. I don't want to, but it's not like I can do anything about it. Nothing frustrates me even more than the things I have no control over. I hate this. I hate Typhoons. 
> 
> If you're one of the readers who enjoys my fics, please, pray to whoever God you believe in that this Typhoon will spare us, or at the very least, leave us with minimal damages. 
> 
> I hate this.


	14. Scratches and Bruises

Jaemin clutched his phone tightly in his hands as he ran across the halls to find the specific room he was looking for. People gave him weird looks as he moved pass them, but Jaemin didn't have room to feel embarrassed. Not when his entire body was busy feeling one emotion on that particular time. 

As soon as Renjun had sent Jaemin the message, asking him to pick the former from the hospital, he wanted to be next to his boyfriend in the fastest possible way. Renjun didn't give much details, he just mentioned it was "them", which only served to heighten the worry that he was feeling. 

Mark had offered to take him there. Actually, he insisted. Jaemin must have looked on the verge of crying, that Mark feared he wouldn't make it there on his own. 

Jaemin would have taken up his offer, but he didn't know how Renjun would react in Mark's presence, or if he would be comfortable sharing what happened to him with Mark there. After all, it used to be just the two of them. 

After much conversation between them, to which Jaemin ended by telling Mark he had to be there fast, Mark decided to just flag him a taxi and let him on his own, with the promise to call each other when they're home. 

He could have used some emotional support from Mark. His legs were feeling numb as he reached the right door, his heart was hammering against his chest, but he knew he had to act tough for Renjun, the same way that Renjun had been tough for him before. 

He knocked before twisting the numb and pushing the door open, only for his heart to sunk once he saw his boyfriend's current condition. 

There was a huge bruise blooming on Renjun's face, his lips were busted, and there were ugly scratches on his arms. He tried to smile as he noticed Jaemin staring at him, but it didn't make Jaemin feel any better. 

"Renjun! "

Jaemin didn't know what else to do but to gather his boyfriend in his arms. Whether it's to comfort Renjun, himself or both of them, he didn't know. 

"Careful, " Renjun said with a wince. "We wouldn't want break anymore bones," he teased before realizing it wasn't a good joke. "Not that there's any. Just a few scratches and bruises that will heal in days. "

As if that would be enough to stop Jaemin from worrying. How could he when this happened so suddenly without even a single warning? 

"I can't believe they would go to this extent, " Jaemin caught himself saying, anger evident in his every word. Jaemin rarely felt anger, not even when people were being mean to him. When it came to Renjun, however, Jaemin felt himself bubbling in anger just at the thought of anyone harming him. 

"Well I can, " Renjun replied while patting the space next to him for Jaemin to sit on. "I mean, they impatiently waited for their relative to die to get their hands on her fortune. I wouldn't put it past them to hurt someone for money. "

There wasn't even a hint of disappointment in Renjun's voice as he spoke. Jaemin didn't know whether to be happy or sad about how his boyfriend saw his own family. 

Renjun never really had a good opinion about his family, or the family he was unfortunately placed upon, as he liked to call them.

They were, to put it simply, the classic dollhouse family. Those who pretended to be a model one by being "traditional" and by traditional, they were hiding under the veil of religious upholding. Religious didn't necessarily equates to morality, and it was pretty evident to the way they behaved, towards other people and even to each other. 

Renjun only ever liked one of them, his older brother, Zitao, who, unfortunately, or maybe luckily, was living somewhere in China after their family kicked him out when he came out. They actually did the same to Renjun when they found out about him and Jaemin, only for Renjun's aunt to step up and take him in, under the condition that Renjun would take care of her as her health was already failing. In the end, she passed away right before they entered the university, leaving most of her fortune on Renjun. 

This was when Renjun's family began bothering him. After not wanting anything to do with him, they began trying to get back into his life, with the purpose of trying to get their hands on his inheritance. The thing was, Renjun refused to give them what they wanted which in turn, turned them to become more aggressive about it. After all, they all waited for the good aunt to die to take what they could get, only for Renjun to rightfully take most of it. 

They tried to contest the will, but the court didn't decide on their favor. They had been silent since then, but Renjun and Jaemin both knew that wouldn't be the end of it. 

They were envious and angry, but Jaemin never thought they would be this desperate, to the point where they would try to corner Renjun and threaten him physically. 

"I never expected they would go to this extent. You're still their family! Why would they attack you like that? And why so suddenly? Why didn't they even try to talk to you first? Why wasn't there even a warning so we could have prepared? So that I wouldn't leave you on your own. "

Renjun coughed suspiciously. He reached out for Jaemin's hand and rubbed them soothingly as Jaemin waited for him to say something. 

"They were actually trying to get in touch with me for quite a while already. I was just trying to ignore them. "

Jaemin just stared at him in surprised. "I didn't know. "

Jaemin tried to think about a time when Renjun had probably told him about it, or at the very least, hinted that something was up, but he couldn't remember any conversation about it. 

"Yes. About that. I never told you. "

Jaemin's face fell immediately. "Renjun why wouldn't you tell me about something as important as that? "

Renjun winced as he raised his voice. Jaemin felt guilty. He just couldn't help but feel surprised that Renjun would keep that as a secret. 

"Sorry. " Renjun looked genuinely apologetic. "I actually didn't expect it to escalate this quickly. It's just that you had so much going on, and I don't want to add more. "

Jaemin stayed silent. He stared at his boyfriend for a while before turning away. He heard Renjun sighing before he felt a hand rubbing on his shoulder. "Are you mad? "

"I am, " he immediately replied before quickly adding, "But not at you. I am mad at myself right now. "

Renjun had always been there when Jaemin needed him, from him getting into terms with his own feelings, breaking free from his controlling mother, to surviving this new relationship with Mark. Renjun had always been there for him every step of the way, and Jaemin felt useless that he wasn't able to do just the same for his. 

"Hey. It's not your fault, " Renjun tried to reassure him. "I underestimated what they're capable of doing. I should have told you. I'm sorry. "

Jaemin turn to his boyfriend. "Do you really think that you'll be a bother for me? That I wouldn't care enough to want to know? "

"It's not that. " Renjun shook his head. "I know you will care. So much. Which is why I didn't tell you because you have this recent encounter with your mother and you're dealing with this new relationship. You already had to much to think about, I'm scared you wouldn't be able to handle more. "

"But I want to. I want to have the opportunity to take care of you the way you do to me. Do you really think I wouldn't have the time to spare for you? Because I have my own issues? Because… because of Mark? If you think that way, then I'll actually be offended that you don't feel I love you enough for me care about your safety. "

Renjun thought for a moment and then he sighed. He reached out to pull Jaemin's cheeks lightly on the opposite direction, which Jaemin realized was his way of removing the pout on his lips. 

"My mistake, " Renjun said, raising his hands to concede before smiling. "Sometimes, I tend to think of you like you're more fragile than you actually are. "

Jaemin scowled. 

"I know. I'm sorry. I can't help it at times. I guess I really just care about you so much, that I want to shelter you for as long as I can. But, I'll try to change that. I promise. I will not keep secrets like this to you anymore. "

Jaemin sighed before hugging his boyfriend once again. "I hate secrets. "

"I know you do. "

"Especially between us. "

"I'm sorry. "

"I love you. "

"I love you, too. "

Jaemin giggled. "We really do make up fast, right?"

Renjun just sighed. 

"So, what's going to happen now? "

Renjun thought for a moment before replying. "We'll, since this happened, I now have a very valid reason to keep them away from me. Legally. I'm going to file an assault case against them and I will make sure those pesky humans wouldn't breathe the same air as I do ever again. "

Jaemin nodded before deciding to say. "Maybe I should also file a restraining order for my mother. Now that this happened, I don't want to risk seeing what she's capable to do. I don't need anymore trouble. Not right now. I just want us to be happy. "

He felt Renjun squeezing his shoulder lightly. "It's going to hurt you, I know. You still love her after all. "

It was true. Unlike Renjun who felt nothing for his family, Jaemin found himself still caring for his mother even after all of the abuses he experienced from her. In fact, he had a hard time accepting that his mother was abusive, and even after that, Jaemin still believed his mother could change. 

But at the moment he didn't wanted to take risk. He just wanted to be safe. He just wanted everyone he cared about to be safe. 

"I'm proud of you. "

"Thank you. I just really hope none of us would be in danger again. "

Not Renjun. Not Jaemin. Not Mark. 

Not even Donghyuck. 

~☆~

Donghyuck stared at himself in the mirror, his fingers tracing up the purple and blue marks on his arms. He winced. 

He wondered how long before those marks would fade. He wondered how long he was going to hide them inside his sweater, so that nobody would be able to see them, so that nobody would ask him questions he would be embarrassed to answer. 

It was all his fault. If he hadn't gone to Mark's game like Seungho told him, the latter wouldn't have a reason to hurt him. 

Seungho didn't even mean to do it. It was just in the heat of the moment. He was hurt. He was jealous. He just love Donghyuck too much, otherwise, he wouldn't feel that way. Was Mark even jealous whenever he was with guy friends? He wasn't. He had never been. It was because he didn't love Donghyuck the way Seungho did. 

Mark never hurt him, but he also didn't love him that way. Donghyuck shouldn't compare Mark to how Seungho eas treating him. Seungho was better. Seungho loved Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck heard his phone ringing. He picked up a sweater and wore it to cover himself up before checking out his new message. 

He picked up his phone. It was from Seungho. He quickly clicked to see the message, assuming it would be another apology. 

It wasn't. 

Seungho sent him a photo of a couple whom he recognized as Mark and Jaemin. They looked so close, and happy. Donghyuck felt the familiar ache on his chest. 

Judging by their clothes, the photo was taken recently. They obviously didn't go with Mark's team to celebrate like they initially planned, and instead went on date. Donghyuck felt thankful that he didn't come and join them, otherwise, he would have felt really uncomfortable. 

He read the message below. 

"I saw them in the cafe. I was with a friend. They look so happy together. They look so in love. Will Mark ever look at you the way he's looking at Jaemin? He wouldn't. But I can and I will. 

"Only I can love you, Donghyuck. He never will. So please, be good to me. I don't want to hurt you again. "

Donghyuck turned his phone off and threw it on the bed. He took a deep breathe before shaking his head. 

That's right. Seungho loved him in more ways than Mark ever did. It was only fair for Donghyuck to learn how to love him back. 

His eyes scanned the entire room. Most of his things were already in boxes. He already found a new apartment to live in, and he was only waiting for the semester to end before he finally moved. 

He felt a little sorry for abandoning Mark like this, but he figure, Mark could just look for a new roommate to help split the with the expenses. Maybe he could even ask Jaemin to live with him if he wanted to. 

Donghyuck didn't feel comfortable staying with Mark anymore. They weren't dating. They were exes. It would never look good, especially in the eyes of his new boyfriend. 

Besides, the apartment didn't feel the same anymore. Not after what happened. Not after what transpired between the two of them. 

Donghyuck still cursed himself for allowing that to happen, when they were supposed to end things between them. It only complicated things even more, and created a tension that was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. 

It was a stupid move especially for someone who wanted to move on. All it did was to make him want Mark even more. To want someone he couldn't want. 

Donghyuck was honestly afraid of himself. He didn't want to do things he would regret. He didn't want to do things that could hurt Seungho. He didn't want to lose the opportunity of being loved genuinely. 

He heard the front door unlocking.

Donghyuck wondered if Jaemin came back with Mark. He didn't. He could only hear a pair of footsteps. 

He heard a knock on his bedroom door. 

"Donghyuck? "

Donghyuck looked at his mirror again, to check. There shouldn't be any suspicious marks showing. Once he was sure that all marks were hidden, he finally answered. 

"Come in. "

The door knob twisted before the door was pushed open, and Mark came in. 

"You're really here, " Mark said, causing Donghyuck to feel confused. "I thought you had something planned with your boyfriend. "

Donghyuck had a moment of realization. "We had. It was cancelled. "

It was cancelled because they ended up arguing, because Donghyuck went to watch Mark's game. 

Mark nodded to himself. "I guess it was really your boyfriend whom we met like Jaemin said. "

Donghyuck nodded. "Yes. He sent me a photo of both of you. "

"He what? " Mark asked with a hint of disgust. Donghyuck cursed himself for being careless. 

"It was nothing. He was just telling me he saw both of you. No big deal. "

"Did he also tell you that he wasn't alone? "

"Yes, " Donghyuck admitted. "He said he was with a friend. "

"They look more than friends to me. "

Donghyuck felt a sharp stab against his chest. He swallowed hard before answering. 

"I don't know if that's what you're trying to imply, but, no, Seungho isn't cheating on me. "

"Donghyuck, he and that girl were acting way too intimate. I don't think—"

"Just because you did it doesn't mean everybody else will, Mark, " he caught himself saying before he could even stop himself. It was too late to take it back. 

Mark stared at him, in surprise, hurt, and finally, guilt. Donghyuck wanted to slap himself. 

So much for moving on. 

So much for wanting to be friends again. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up. I just… please don't talk about Seungho like that."

"I still care about you, Hyuck, "Mark told him, his eyes never leaving Donghyuck's face. 

He forced himself to smile. "I know you do. "

Mark scanned the room with his eyes, his stare landing on the pile of boxes. 

"You're really going to leave me? "

Donghyuck didn't expect Mark to sound so hurt because of it, although maybe he should have. Mark was used to having him around. It wouldn't be easy to adjust to this new distance that Donghyuck was trying to set. Although he didn't want Mark to feel that he was being abandoned, Donghyuck believed that they needed this distance. Donghyuck needed this distance, for him to shake off unnecessary feelings. Only then could he learn how to be just a friend again. 

"I am. I'm just waiting for the semester to end. "

"Are you going to move in with your boyfriend? "

Donghyuck shook his head. "No. Not yet. " It was too early in a relationship for that. 

Mark stayed silent for a while. What he said next was something he never expected to hear from Mark. 

"I thought you love me. "

Donghyuck never expected Mark to use that card on him, especially since that was hinting at a path that Donghyuck didn't want to cross again anymore. 

"You know I still love you, right? "

Donghyuck's breathe hitched. He smiled bitterly. "I know. You love me as a friend, right? "

Mark stared at him for a while. "And what if I tell you that I don't just love you as a friend? "

Donghyuck was taken by surprised for a short moment. He recovered immediately. He gave Mark a stern look before answering. "Then you would be lying. "

Mark tried to speak once again, but Donghyuck stopped him. "You don't love me, Mark. you love Jaemin. "

"I love you both. "

Donghyuck shook his head. "We've been through this, Mark. And we talked about it already. We decided to break up. I have a boyfriend now. Please stop. "

"Do you love him? "

"I do. " A lie. 

"More than you love me? "

"Yes. " Another lie. 

He barely registered the pain on Mark's face before it quickly disappeared. 

"Does he makes you happy? "

"He does. "

Mark nodded to himself. "Okay. Just as long as you're happy, Hyuck."

Donghyuck nodded back. "I wish you happiness, too, Mark. "

"I'll try, " Mark said before retreating out of the room. "I'll try to even though I am going to miss you. "

And Donghyuck would surely miss him, too. But it was all for the best. They had to do this, if it's the only way they could save whatever was there left to be saved between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typhoon track changed but it's still too early to relax. Thank you for your supprot and prayers!!! Keep safe everyone!!!


	15. Differences

Mark told himself that he was ready for this. He told himself the same thing when he decided put up that sign outside the apartment. And yet, here he was, hesitating to turn the knob and open the door towards Donghyuck's bedroom, or rather, Donghyuck's former bedroom. 

Mark turned around to see the boy behind him jumping on his place excitedly. He gave Mark a smile which he felt compelled to return. 

Mark hesitated. A part of him wanted to just tell the other boy that there was a mistake. The room wasn't actually available. Donghyuck might come back. He might change his mind and return to Mark, so Mark needed to keep his space available. 

But then he remembered how Donghyuck had been firm about his decision to move to a new apartment, to create a space between them. He said it was for the best. He was happy with his decision. He wouldn't change his mind anymore. 

He hadn't, even though Mark had confessed that he loved him more than Donghyuck thought. More than Mark initially thought. Granted that it wasn't reallyalways fession, but a question, it was just the same. In Donghyuck's mind, confessions like that would always be a lie. Honestly, as much as it was hurting Mark, Donghyuck had every right to think that way. Mark made him feel that way for so long. 

"Hyung? "

Mark realized he had spaced out when the boy, Shotaro, shoot him a confused look. He realized he had been stalling. Sighing, Mark gave him another smile before turning the door handle and pushing the door open. 

They were met with nothing. Nothing except the bed which Mark had bought personally as a gift to Donghyuck. A gift that Donghyuck decided to leave behind along with Mark. 

When Donghyuck left, Mark only managed to look at this room once only to find himself shutting the door immediately behind him and melting on the floor. He didn't dare to look anymore after that, not until Shotaro came at five in the morning, inquiring about the "Wanted: Roommate" sign. 

Mark found himself swallowing hard as memories hit him all at once, and the image of Donghyuck turning to him with cheerful smile to greet him good morning, flashed before his eyes. He quickly stepped out, and if Shotaro noticed, Mark wished he would only think of it as Mark giving him time to familiarize himself in the room. 

Mark excused himself. "Call me if you need anything. I'll be in the living room. "

Mark only managed to calm himself before Shotaro came out to join him back. The relieve smile on his face was enough indication that Mark would be getting a new roommate. Maybe sooner that he was ready for, but it was bound to happen anyway. Donghyuck wouldn't come back. He was happy without Mark, maybe happier that he was before. Mark needed to move on. 

"Hyung, I like this place. Do you think I can move here in three weeks? "

Mark nodded. "You can move whenever you're comfortable. We can talk about the lease some other time. You have a class, right? "

Shotaro gasped, and Mark realized that the former had forgotten about his class schedule. "Oops. "

Mark gave him a few smile. "You have my number already, right? "

Shotaro nodded eagerly. "Yes hyung. I'll make sure to contact you. I guess I gotta go now? "

Mark waved at him as the younger picked up his backpack and headed for the door. 

At least he would be getting a friendly one as a roommate. It probably wouldn't be that bad, even if Shotaro would never be able to replace the previous person who lived with Mark. 

What was he even doing? Why was Mark even still thinking about him constantly? Donghyuck said he was happy with his new boyfriend. Mark should be as well. He should be happy for Donghyuck at least even though he didn't fell the same for himself. 

Mark heard the door creaking open. He looked to see his bedroom door opening, before his boyfriend appeared into view, rubbing his eyes sleepily and as he walked bare-foot on Mark's direction. 

Mark cursed himself for always forgetting to get Jaemin a slipper, specially since he seemed to be becoming a constant in Mark's apartment once again. 

Jaemin had been supportive to him. He had always been, but most especially when Donghyuck finally left. He had been there to pick Mark up from the floor as he cried the night Donghyuck left, regretting every mistake he did, but most especially regretting how belatedly realize who Donghyuck was to him until it was too late, and he already slipped away. 

Jaemin had cuddled him, as he cried himself to sleep, and continued to be there even until Mark finally learned to suppress his emotions. What was there to cry about anyway? What would crying do to him? He would never get another chance again. He would never get Donghyuck back again. 

Mark decided that he should stop focusing on what he already lost, and start focusing in what he still had. He made a mistake once. He would be dumb to make the same mistake again. 

"Good morning, Angel, " he whispered as Jaemin sat next to him. The younger nuzzling his head on Mark's shoulder, as if chasing the last remnant of sleep. "Sorry, did we wake you up? "

"Who's we? " Jaemin mumbled sleepily. "Who even visits at five in the morning? " 

He grumpily mumble some more before a sudden thought popped inside his head. "Wait, was it Donghyuck? "

Jaemin was suddenly wide awake, he was staring at Mark with so much enthusiasm and excitement, which Mark found unfathomable. He really couldn't understand how unselfish Jaemin could be, with him wanting Mark and Donghyuck to get back together. Jaemin had always said that it was because he knew how much Mark loved Donghyuck, which was tragically funny in Mark's point of view. Imagine the people next to him having faster realization than he ever did. Imagine the people around him trying to prevent the worst from happening, and Mark just allowed it to happen because he was too dumb to realize when and how his feelings for Donghyuck had transition from being platonic to romantic. Imagine not being able to show Donghyuck how much he loved him, until it was too late. Donghyuck found someone else who would give him something that Mark had never given to him. 

"It wasn't Donghyuck. Actually, it's a new roommate. "

Jaemin immediately frowned. 

"He seems nice, actually. About your age. He was desperate to find a place to live in as his family is leaving to Japan already and he'll be on his own. Unfortunately, the other unit he was eyeing wasn't anymore available, and it was just his luck to find this place as he's having a morning stroll. Lucky, right?"

Jaemin continued to frown as he stared at Mark. He laughed awkwardly, hoping that Jaemin wouldn't continue the conversation further. 

"Are you sure you're ready, Mark-hyung? "

He shrugged. "I can't keep that room empty forever. I could use some company. Not that you aren't enough of course. It would be nice to have someone to split the cost with. "

A lie. Mark could afford the entire apartment to himself if he wanted to, but he hoped that having a new roommate would make him accept faster that Donghyuck wouldn't be coming back. 

"What if Donghyuck decides to return? " Jaemin said hopefully. 

Mark pinched his cheeks adoringly before ruffling his hair. He sighed. "He wouldn't. He already settled in his new apartment. "

"Are you going to visit him? "

Mark shook his head, much to Jaemin's disappointment. 

It wasn't that he didn't want to. Of course, he wanted to make sure that Donghyuck had settled properly. They broke up, but that didn't mean they would also throw away their long past together. They were still friends, after all, Donghyuck said so himself. Unfortunately, knowing his new address wasn't a part of being friends. He didn't know if it was Donghyuck's way of distancing himself further from Mark, to focus on his new relationship. 

Quite frankly, Mark was hurt, but he decided it was something he deserved, so he didn't argue about it anymore. He was afraid that arguments would only lead to him losing even the friendship offered by Donghyuck, even if the said friendship had been nothing more than just short messages sent to each other for the past days. Whatever Donghyuck was still willing to give to him, Mark would gladly accept even if they were scraps compared to the what Donghyuck had given him in the past that Mark had taken for granted. He'd take anything. When it came to Donghyuck, anything was better than nothing. 

Mark missed him. He missed him so much, but this was how they were already, and there was nothing Mark could ever do about it anymore. He was too late.

"I'm worried, " Jaemin said before hugging Mark once again. 

"I'll be fine, don't worry. "

"It's not that, " Jaemin replied. "I mean, I'm obviously worried about you because I can see how much this is breaking you. At the same time, I am worried about Donghyuck. He's new boyfriend. I… Hyung, do you think he will treat Donghyuck right? "

The answer was no for obvious reasons. A person like Mark who's still hung up on his ex, would never see the new boyfriend in a good light for selfish reason. He would always find a reason to hate Seungho, mostly because he would be trying to prove to himself that he could be the better boyfriend. But Mark had to accept that that wasn't the case, otherwise, Donghyuck wouldn't fall in love with him in a short period of time. Donghyuck wouldn't love him more than he loved Mark. 

"No one would ever be good enough for him in my eyes, but that's just jealousy speaking. "

Jaemin looked as if he wanted to say something more. But then he sighed. "Sorry. I shouldn't be so invested with your relationship with Donghyuck. I mean, the decision will always be between you, anyway. I just want you to know that I'll always be here. "

"I know. I don't think I would be able to make it without you here. "

It wasn't even because Jaemin was filling the space Donghyuck had abandoned. It would be impossible, of course, as Jaemin had a place of his own. But Mark couldn't imagine what it would be like to deal with so much loss without Jaemin supporting him. 

Mark could only imagine how tough it was for Jaemin, especially since Renjun had been in a difficult situation as well, situation that Mark didn't know much about other than it being a feud between his own family. Jaemin found himself taking care of Renjun until he's well, only for him to nurse Mark's broken heart afterwards. 

He wondered if he was taking up much of Jaemin's time, much for Renjun's liking. He wondered if he was causing a rift between the two of them because of it. Mark hoped he wasn't. The last thing he needed was to make Jaemin feel what he was already feeling. Jaemin would never deserve that. He was a good boyfriend. He was nothing like Mark himself. 

Mark gently nudged his boyfriend, as he felt him falling back to a slumber once again. "Don't you have plans with Renjun before your first class? "

Jaemin gasped. "Oh God, thank you! Renjun really hates it when I'm late. "

Mark smile affectionately. "Go get ready. I'll drive you to your meeting place. "

Jaemin gave him a quick peck before rushing back towards back room to retrieve his clothes. "You're the best, Mark-hyung! "

Mark just shook his head. He wasn't. He had never been the best. But maybe he could try to be better, at least for Jaemin's sake. 

~☆~

Donghyuck flinched as he heard the door slamming, a faint whimper escaping his lips, followed by the deafening silence. 

Donghyuck felt every strength in his body leaving him as he fell to the floor, his hand immediately reaching out to touch his sore cheeks. He winced. 

It wasn't the first time Seungho had hurt him during n argument. But while mostly, it involved Seungho gripping on him tight as he explain his side, it was the first time that he had actually hit Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck wondered why everything was going wrong. He thought everything would be fine when he finally moved out and found a place to live in. He thought that Seungho would feel less angry, and less jealous, but it seemed as if Donghyuck had been doing the opposite. That instead of making Seungho feel secure, he was giving him more reasons to be suspicious. 

Seungho had always been demanding to check his phone, and it was making Donghyuck feel anxious everytime. It wasn't like there was anything there that Donghyuck felt guilty about. He rarely even contact Mark, and their conversation mostly consist of a simple greetings, but it seemed as if it was enough to make Seungho upset, to the point where date nights would always turn into an argument, and would end with another bruise on his arms. 

Donghyuck wondered if relationships were supposed to be this way. He had never experienced the same thing with Mark before. Sure, Mark had moments when he's pissed with Donghyuck, but he never laid a hand on Donghyuck. 

Mark never went through his messages as well. He never checked whom Donghyuck was having conversations with. He wondered if it was normal for Seungho to behave that way. 

But then again, it wasn't like his and Mark's relationship was real. Mark only dated him out of pity, out of consideration, because he knew about Donghyuck's feelings for him. He didn't need to go through Donghyuck's messages. He never hit Donghyuck. He never had the reason to. He never got jealous. Why would he? He didn't love Donghyuck that way. But Seungho did, so much that he was hurting because Donghyuck wasn't fulfilling his promise to love him back. 

Donghyuck only wanted to get things right, to give Seungho a chance, but he seemed to be failing at each attempt because he couldn't bring himself to cut contacts with Mark like Seungho wanted him too. 

He was being unfair, his boyfriend told him that, but Donghyuck just couldn't seem to bring himself to cut all contacts with Mark. They weren't just exes. They were friends for much longer, and it would be too heartbreaking even to think about not having each other in their life anymore. 

Although quite frankly, it was as if Donghyuck was one step away from doing that. 

He had declined Mark's offer to take him to his new place, and had declined further when Mark asked for his new address. He just didn't want Mark to pop up in his apartment when Seungho was there. He didn't want to give Seungho more reasons to be suspicious. He didn't want to lose this chance at experiencing true love. There was just to much limits to what Seungho could take before he finally give up on the relationship and in Donghyuck. 

He felt a little sorry for Mark, for abandoning him after all those years of being together, but at least he had Jaemin. 

Yes. He had Jaemin. Seungho had told him over and over again that he had no reason to worry about Mark because it was already Jaemin's job. That Mark was probably not missing him anyway, because Jaemin was there to keep him company. That Donghyuck was being dumb. That he was being unfair him. That he should forget about Mark and focus on him. 

Donghyuck stared at the pile on the floor. The pile of what used to be a scrapbook filled with his memories with Mark. The source of his and Seungho's most recent argument. 

His heart broke at the sight, remembering the amount of efforts he created in making them and keeping them in good shape. It was already broken. Seungho said he should throw it away. He should throw it away along with everything that would remind him of Mark. He should do it or else. 

Donghyuck felt a shiver down his spine. 

Slowly he crawled towards the scrapbook and pick it up. He had to do it. He had to throw this away in order to give Seungho a fair chance. 

Donghyuck felt his chest constricting as he held it above the trash can. He was telling himself to let go, but his fingers where only gripping the papers tight. 

Throw it. Throw it. Throw it. 

Throw it or else…

Donghyuck ran toward the closet and tucked the scrapbook under a pile of clothes, wishing and praying that Seungho wouldn't find them. 

Then he cursed himself. 

"Why are you so dumb, Donghyuck? Why couldn't you just throw it away? "

He was stupid. 

He was unfair. 

He was selfish. 

No wonder Seungho hit him. He fucking deserved it. 

Donghyuck flinched as he heard a knock, wondering if Seungho had returned again. He could feel himself shaking as he guiltily glanced ine last time at his closet. 

He wiped the tears away from his face before opening the door and preparing himself to apologize to an argument he had caused. 

"Seungho, I'm really sor—"

But it wasn't Seungho. Instead, it was his neighbor whose name was Xiaojun. 

Xiaojun offered him a polite smile. "Uh, hi. "

"Hi. Can I help you? "

Donghyuck had never acquainted himself with the neighbors even when he initially planned to. Seungho just happened to be over most of the time, that Donghyuck didn't have enough time to properly greet his neighbors. 

"Oh, nothing! " Xiaojun waved his hands in the air. "I just… I heard some really loud crash, and I thought I'll check up on you. "

Donghyuck felt embarrassed to know that a neighbor, or maybe more, had heard Seungho and him arguing. He felt even more ashamed for causing the argument in the first place. 

"Sorry, " Donghyuck bowed his head. "I didn't mean to disturb you. "

"No, no, no, don't worry. I was just worried and, uh, are you okay? " Donghyuck noticed Xiaojun's eyes focusing on his cheeks, making him feel self conscious. He put a hand on his cheeks before faking a smile. 

"I am. Just couple's argument. Nothing serious. "

"Are you sure? " Xiaojun asked, giving him another concerned look. 

Donghyuck nodded. 

Xiaojun contemplated before finally sighing. "Okay. " 

He then pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to Donghyuck. 

"The first number is from the nearest police station. The second one is mine. Don't be afraid to call of you need help, okay? "

Donghyuck just smile politely until Xiaojun bade him goodbye. He quickly crumbled the paper before throwing them in the trash. He didn't want Seungho to find a new contact saved on his phone when he checked them again. Moreover, he didn't think he would need to contact the police, especially on Seungho. 

It was a simple argument, one that Donghyuck acknowledged to be his fault. He would never need protection against a person who was truely in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I'm coming back after a long time. We just survived a series of typhoons here in the Philippines and I hope there wouldn't be more coming to us soon. We're drained. We're tired. We've suffered so much already. We lost way too much already, I just want everything to go back to how it used to be. I just wish I'll wake up every morning without the urge to check weather forecast in fear of another calamity. I just wish I would look at my feeds and not be overwhelmed by the news about people dying or going missing, about people who lost their homes because of the flood and lahar. 
> 
> I wish I would stop crying everytime I hear the rain and the wind. 
> 
> I'll only be updating fics with updates written before the first typhoon in our region. I'll try to keep writing. Honestly, fic writing is my only escape from all of this, the only thing taking my head off of everything else. Writing is honestly so difficult this days, but I'll try my best as I really love this, and I gain energy through the support you're giving me. I promise, I will never abandon any of them. 
> 
> Wherever you are, I hope you're safe.


	16. Danger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I'm back with a new chapter. How are you? It's cold in the Philippines right now. There's an LPA in the northern part of our country but hopefully the rain wouldn't be too much for the people who are trying to recover from the previous typhoons. 
> 
> Thank you all for your supportive messages. They mean a lot to me. I hope that all og you will be safe, happy and healthy.

Mark messed up. 

It was something he was certain about as he stood outside the infirmary, his body leaning on the wall as he tried to make out of the conversation inside. 

"Can we let Mark in now, please? " he heard Jaemin's sweet voice pleading, only for the other person to reply in a hostile manner, hostility that was certainly not aimed at Jaemin but at Mark himself. 

"He better not be there when I step out of the room or else, " Renjun warned. "That stupid human! How could he hurt you like this? "

Mark wanted to melt in shame as Renjun once again reminded him that he was the reason why Jaemin was in the infirmary. It wasn't like Mark could forget. How could someone forget that they had hurt the person they loved? 

Mark smacked his head with his hand repeatedly, as he recalled what happened earlier, when he let frustrations consumed him, when he let anger get the best of him. 

It all started at the basketball practice that Jaemin had decided to watch, taking Renjun along with him. While usually, seeing Jaemin was enough to brighten up his mood, that day was particularly rough on Mark. 

He blamed it on not being able to wake up on time, and thus, being late on his first period. This resulted with his professor throwing snide comments towards his direction in front of the entire class. 

Next, he blamed it on forgetting to submit an important paper to a different professor, which lead to him getting a failing mark for that task, and thus, giving him a difficult timr to recover and get pass on that class. 

Thirdly, he blamed it on Seungho, Donghyuck's new boyfriend, whom Mark had encounter while passing through the hall. The said guy had this smug look on his face as he stared at Mark, and Mark, for some obvious reason, had wanted to punch him in the face right then and there, had it not been for his fear of doing something that would make Donghyuck cut him off from his life entirely. 

Whenever Mark, thought about it, it was certainly the last that ruined his day the most, Seungho's smug smile that was obviously taunting him on his defeat. He was gloating, that was for sure. He was the one who got the person they both were in love with. 

It didn't help that Donghyuck had been, for some reasons, avoiding him at all costs. He gave excuses when Mark asked him to meet up. He refused to invite Mark over. Mark last message to him was a week ago, and it was still on read. 

Mark wondered if he was crossing boundaries. They weren't dating anymore. A hard truth, but still a truth that Mark was having a hard time to accept. It wasn't easy, and Mark wondered if he would ever get used to the changes. 

His mood didn't change a bit, even at the end of the day. Around practice, Mark found himself ready to snap at the littlest thing. 

He tried to look at the audience, with Jaemin cheering for him like it was a championship game, and Renjun looking like he would rather be somewhere else. (Later on, Mark realized how relieved he was to have Renjun there, especially as he found himself feeling entirely numb from the situation he created himself.) 

Mark tried to smile. He tried to lighten up his own mood. He had Jaemin, after all, and Jaemin should be enough to rid him of his negative thoughts. He wasn't enough, and it wasn't even because he didn't love or care about Jaemin enough. Something was just missing inside of Mark. Something that was making him want to burst in emotion. 

Practice began. 

Hitting and bumping into each other was a common occurrence in a contact sport, something that they were all trained to be calmed about, especially since reacting to them on an official game could cause the player or team to be sanctioned. 

And yet, Mark found himself unable to stay calm when Jungwoo accidentally stepped on his foot, eliciting a pained growl from him. Jungwoo, being the good natured person that he was immediately turned to give Mark an apology, an apology that Mark wasn't in the proper mind to accept. He ended up pushing Jungwoo by the shoulder. 

The entire team froze for a moment, especially Jungwoo, who was the last person to want a confrontation. He apologized once again, and was about to step away to allow Mark to cool down, but the asshole in Mark wanted to fight so much, that he decided to push him once again. 

What Mark hadn't expected was for Lucas to take offense on Jungwoo's behalf, and for the other sophomore to send him down on the floor with a punch. 

Everything was blurry after that. He was taking hit as he gave them, not backing down despite his obvious disadvantage. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Jaemin rushing down, with Renjun running after the former. At that moment, Mark was too angry to think. He only wanted to punch until he couldn't anymore, hoping that finally, all his frustrations would go away. 

People were trying to separate them, but both of them weren't ready to yield. Mark found himself shoving every person who was trying to stop them, not even bothering to spare a glance at them. 

It wasn't until Mark heard a pain cry that he froze on his place. His fist still raised on the air. His elbow felt like it had collided with something, and he wasn't that smart to realize what had happened. He turned around and his entire body ran cold when he saw Jaemin's bloody nose. 

What happened next was another blur. Everyone from the team was panicking. Renjun was shoving anyone who was trying to help Jaemin, even Mark himself. Renjun ended up carrying Jaemin to the infirmary while Mark trailed after them, only for Renjun to yell at him to leave. After everything he did, Mark was too ashamed to argue back. 

The school nurse had left about five minutes ago, and while she did assure Mark that Jaemin was fine, Mark didn't miss the judgemental look she had given him. He knew that he fucking deserved it. 

Jaehyun and Johnny had also came to check on him, asking him what went between him, Jungwoo and Lucas, with Mark not being able to give a proper explanation. He apologized for the trouble and while Johnny was obviously disappointed, the older was quiet relieved that the coach wasn't there to witness everything, or else Mark would have lost him position in the team. Quite frankly, Mark didn't care. Not when he's on the verge of losing another person he was in love with.. 

Mark was such a shitty person that he wasn't surprised if Renjun wouldn't want him around Jaemin anymore. Jaemin should probably feel the same, hence why Mark couldn't understand why Jaemin was still asking to see him. 

"Please, Renjun! Pretty please with a cherry on top? "

"Aish! Why are you so annoying? "

Mark heard footsteps coming at his direction before the door to the infirmary opened up. 

Mark stared at Renjun who was obviously still pissed with him. The glare he was sending Mark was enough of a proof of that. 

"Don't fucking talk to me or I'll cut your tongue off and feed them to the stray dogs who have better reasons to live than you, stupid human. "

Renjun rolled his eyes when Mark muttered an apology, before stepping aside to allow Mark to enter. 

Mark hesitated. 

"I swear, Mark Lee, I'm going to close this door again if you won't —"

Mark stepped inside immediately. He was quiet relieved to see Jaemin seemingly safe. His face was ridded of blood, and the smile on his lips made it seem like Mark had only imagined everything, if it wasn't for the stains on his shirt. 

"I'm clean! " Jaemin beamed at him. "I'm not bloody anymore. I didn't lose a single tooth, and my nose is still in place. "

Mark found himself kneeling beside the bed as he apologize profusely for hurting Jaemin. 

"It was an accident, hyung. I know you didn't mean to do it. "

"Yeah, sure, " Renjun agreed sarcastically. "He almost accidentally broke your nose with your elbow. "

"I know, " Jaemin replied. "I love you, too, Renjun! "

Mark could only imagine Renjun rolling his eyes once again. 

"I'm really sorry, Angel, " Mark apologized once again. "I should have been careful. I should have payed attention. "

"And you shouldn't have fought with your friend, " Jaemin added with a smile. 

Mark bowed his head in shame. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what has gotten into me."

"Well, we could take a guess, couldn't we? " Renjun commented again. 

Jaemin shoot his other boyfriend a pleading smile. 

"I'm really sorry, Jaemin. If only I could do something to help you feel better. "

Jaemin gave him a meaningful wink. "Kiss me better, maybe? "

Mark hesitated once again, not because he didn't want to, but because he didn't feel like he had the right to. 

"Well? "

Mark stood up from the floor before gently leaning down on the bed, careful not to put his weight on Jaemin in fear of hurting him again.

His lips first landed on Jaemin's forehead. It linger there for a few seconds before Mark found the courage to press their lips together. Mark felt Jaemin smiling through their kiss. Mark sighed. 

There was this angelic aura that Jaemin could only radiate when they pulled away. 

"See? All better now. "

Mark heard a gagging sound. 

"Oh someone's jealous, " Jaemin teased before motioning Mark to step aside for a while. "Injunnie, come hear and kiss me better, please! "

Renjun grunted as a reply, but nevertheless headed towards their direction. Ha made no fuzz, leaning down and capturing Jaemin's lips with his own. 

Mark blushed at the sight before looking away, not because he felt jealous or offended, but because he felt like he was invading their privacy if he watched. 

The kiss lasted longer, and when they pulled away, Jaemin was smiling contently. 

Mark wondered if ever he could be a good boyfriend like Renjun. If he could be the person Jaemin needed. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Jaemin once again. 

Jaemin reached out to grab his hand, which Mark gave to him immediately, along with a promise. 

"I promise, I would never hurt you again. Intentionally, or not, I will never do it again, Angel, I promise. I will be a better boyfriend to you, I swear. "

Renjun snorted. "Go fix yourself first before you make promises, Mark Lee. "

Mark turned to him for clarification, but once again, Renjun just rolled his eyes. 

"Why are humans so dumb? "

Jaemin shoot Renjun a look that the latter only shrugged off. He then turned his attention to Mark. 

"Hyung, " he started, his hands playing with Mark's fingers for comfort. "Earlier… that's not you. It's not the Mark I know of, and I refuse to believe that it's you. "

Mark bowed his head in shame once again, only for Jaemin to tug at his hand to get his attention. Jaemin smiled. 

"That's not you. You aren't someone who's easily blinded by rage, specially over a simple matter. Something's clearly bothering you, and I think I know what it is. I think I know who it is. It's Donghyuck, isn't it? "

Mark tried to pull his hand away, but Jaemin held on to it firmly. "Let's not talk about him. We always talk about him, when I should be focusing on you. You are my boyfriend now. "

Jaemin shook his head. "When Renjun was in the hospital, I couldn't focus on you, too. It wasn't because I don't love you. It was more because I was afraid, I would lose Renjun. I know what you're feeling, Mark, and I understand. You love him, and it's killing you that he's not with you anymore. "

That might have been true, but it didn't matter anymore. Donghyuck was clearly over him hence why he's avoiding Mark already. 

"I'm fine, " Mark reassured him. "I have you. I'll be fine. "

"Well I am not, " Renjun said again, only this time, he was speaking directly at Mark instead of giving snide comments. Jaemin looked like he was trying to stop Renjun from speaking, but Renjun wanted to speak, and so he would be heard. 

"Look, Mark. Your issues are clearly between you and Donghyuck, sure. It isn't our place to say anything. But that didn't mean Jaemin wouldn't be affected. Look what happened today. You hurt Jaemin. "

"Accidentally! " Jaemin insisted. 

"Accidentally, " Renjun repeated. "Yet, you hurt him nonetheless. All because you're frustrated and I have a feeling it's because of Donghyuck. While I couldn't, and I wouldn't prevent Jaemin from seeing you, I would like you to know that I feel uncomfortable with you being around him when you're … unstable. "

"Renjun! "

"And if you love Jaemin, you know what I mean. Before promising to be a better boyfriend to him, go fix your personal issues and your issues with Donghyuck. The last thing Jaemin deserved os for you to start looking for Donghyuck within him. "

"I would never! " Mark immediately objected. 

"And you would never hurt him, right? " Renjun asked as if making a point. "Go fix yourself, Mark. "

"Renjun." Jaemin's voice was firmer this time. He then turned to Mark. 

"Renjun can really be a tiger at times, but I assure you, he's just a kitten. "

"I am not! " Jaemin ignored him. 

"You can listen to him. But you can also listen to me. I love you, Mark-hyung and I want nothing else but your happiness. I can make you happy, but not completely, because I can't be everything that you need. You've been trying so hard to get over Donghyuck for a while, and honestly, it's not working. Can't you try to win him back? I feel like that would be good for you and honestly, I feel like that would be better for Donghyuck as well. I really don't trust that guy, and I know you love him better. If you could just… I don't know. All I know is that the two of you are clearly meant to be. Like Renjun and I. Like you and I. "

Mark sighed. He couldn't believe he was having this conversation with Jaemin. He couldn't believe his boyfriend was advocating for him to chase his ex, like it was the most romantic thing to do. 

If only doing it was as easy as wanting it. 

"I want him back, " Mark admitted, and Jaemin's face brightened up, only for Mark to immediately shot his ideas down. "I want him back, but what can I do? He's avoiding me. It's obvious. He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. There's nothing I could do about it anymore. "

Jaemin frowned. "I'm sorry that this is affecting you, Angel, and thank you for wanting the best for me. Donghyuck and I… we're over. I might take a long time accepting that but that's the only thing I can do. Donghyuck said he's happy. I don't want to be selfish again. If letting him go will make him happy, I will do that because I love him. 

"As for us, I will focus on you, now. I promise. I will try to forget him and focus on you. "

"You will never forget about him, Hyung. I don't even want you to. "

He might. He might never forget Donghyuck. But that was his burden to carry. 

"It doesn't matter. I just want you and Donghyuck to be happy because I love you both. "

~☆~

Renjun followed Jaemin as the latter climbed the stairs swifty, huffing as he tried to catch up with his boyfriend's pace. Sometimes, Jaemin could be really forgetful, and one thing that Jaemin was forgetting more often than not was their difference in height, or specifically their leg's length. 

"Hurry up, Injunnie! I'm really antsy to find out! "

Renjun grunted in response as he dragged his tired feet up the stairs. Who lives on a fifth floor of a building with no elevator? Xiaojun of course. That human was really something. He's weird, but still tolerable. Enough for Renjun to stay in contact with him. 

Xiaojun was a year their senior, and he happened to graduate in the same middle school as them. And while generally, Renjun wasn't one to initiate contact with an acquaintance, there were certain situations when Renjun was willing to make exceptions. 

By exceptions, then it meant anything involving Jaemin, directly or indirectly. 

For some reasons, Jaemin had this recent obsession of looking into old photos from high school and middle school. He was clearly looking for someone, Donghyuck's new boyfriend to be specific, although it was clear by his disappointed expression that he was failing everytime. 

Renjun made a mistake of commenting how Seungho, was probably not even in the same grade as them, which ended up with Jaemin asking him if he knew someone whom he could talk to. 

The easiest answer would have been no, but like usual, he fell victim into Jaemin's puppy eyes. He ended up mentioning Xiaojun, whom he recently stumbled upon in the campus, and before he knew it, Jaemin was begging him to introduce them. 

Hence here they were. 

The things he would do for his boyfriend. 

By the time he reached the door, Jaemin was jumping in excitement, the paper bag on his hand bouncing with him. Renjun wondered if the dinner Jaemin packed to give Xiaojun was still in good condition. 

"Is this really the address? "

Renjun huffed. "There's no way I'm going to climb up the stairs this high if I am not certain. "

"Just making sure. "

Renjun shake his head. "Don't get your hopes up. He might not know the person you're looking for, you know. "

Jaemin smile. "I have this hunch that I'm going to get the answers today. "

"Whatever. "

Renjun tried to catch his breath and compose himself before deciding to knock. It took a few seconds before the door was pulled open by the owner, who immediately smile when he noticed Renjun. 

"Renjun! "

Renjun stiffened when Xiaojun hugged him. He had never been comfortable with physical contact with anybody, the only exception being his boyfriend. He tried to control the urge to push Xiaojun away, reminding himself that Xiaojun was not a dangerous human being. Just touchy-feely, but safe to be with. 

Xiaojun must have remembered, hence he pulled away immediately, only to pay attention to Jaemin. 

"Na Jaemin? "

Jaemin nodded. "Hi. "

"I knew it. I knew you'd end up together. "

Renjun found himself smiling as Jaemin blushed. After all, it was Renjun who first acknowledge his feelings for Jaemin while waiting for the latter to come into terms with his own feelings. 

"Sorry for the trouble, " Jaemin bowed his head before pushing the paper bag at Xiaojun's direction. "I made this to make up for disturbing your evening. "

"Oh, you shouldn't have bothered, " Xiaojun said while accepting the paper bag. "It was rare for Renjun to ask for help, so I figured I wouldn't turn him down. Come in, come in! "

Xiaojun beckoned them inside, and they were both greeted by piles of of photo albums and yearbook. 

"Renjun already mentioned you were looking for someone, so I decided to search for them. Sorry if they're dusty. "

"It's fine. I'm just grateful for the help. Can I? " Jaemin asked, immediately wanting to dig in a pile of old photos. 

"Sure no problem! " Xiaojun answered as he made way to the kitchen to place the food Jaemin had made for him. "Do you have a name perhaps? Maybe I can remember them, who knows? "

"Uh, " Jaemin's eyes slowly turned towards Renjun. "Actually, yes. Do you perhaps know someone named Park Seungho? "

Renjun rolled his eyes. The things Jaemin would do for Mark. 

"If you're doing this because you're trying to find something bad about him to help Mark, I swear, " he angrily whispered. 

"It's not about Mark, I promise, " Jaemin whispered back. "It's about Donghyuck and my hunch about this guy. "

Renjun just shook his head. 

Xiaojun came out of the kitchen not long after. He looked a little paler than he was earlier. He went and pick up his middle school yearbook, flipped the pages until he found what he's looking for.

"By any chance, " Xiaojun pushed the yearbook at Jaemin's direction. "Is this the Seungho you're looking for? "

"Yes, that's him! " Jaemin exclaimed after one look. "Do you know him? Can you tell us more about him? "

Renjun shook his head once again. So much for not digging dirt about Donghyuck's boyfriend. 

He heard Xiaojun sigh. "I'm a little surprise that you don't remember him since he was pretty popular for all the wrong reasons. But then again, he wasn't in your grade so it's understandable. 

"You see, he made it to the photoshoot for the yearbook but he never made it to the graduation itself. He was expelled, and I heard he had to repeat a grade somewhere else. I'm not sure. "

"Why was he expelled? " Jaemin asked, and Renjun found himself sharing his boyfriend's curiosity. 

Xiaojun sighed. "He had always been troublesome, teachers had sent him to the principal for a lot of reasons. But I guess, the worse of all was the one he got expelled for. When cut a girl's face open with a knife. 

Renjun heard Jaemin gasp while he on the other hand felt like throwing up in disgust. 

"As far as I know, Seungho actually like this girl, but the feeling wasn't mutual. Nobody expected him to go that far. He was what? Fifteen? Sixteen? "

Renjun swallowed hard and lean against the wall to support himself, suddenly feeling nauseatic. He had known that human could be vile and cruel, but there were still a few who took things to a different label. "What happened to him after that? "

Xiaojun shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't been in contact with him until recently. "

"Recently? " Jaemin asked.

"Recently, " Xiaojun nodded. "His boyfriend lives next door."

Him and Renjun shared a look. 

"Donghyuck? " he asked and Xiaojun's expression brightened. 

"Are you friends with him? If so, can you please warn him? That poor boy looked like he's being treated as personal punching bag, he needs to run fast. "

"Donghyuck, " Renjun heard Jaemin whisper. 

"How come you never called the police? " Renjun asked a little more angrily than he intended to and Xiaojun bowed his head in shame. 

"I wanted to, but I guess I was too coward. I didn't want him to turn his anger on me. But I did gave Donghyuck my number and the police hotline. I'm not sure why he wasn't calling them. "

Renjun was about to argue that he could have done it anonymously, but he was interrupted by the loud sound coming from the neighboring unit, followed by a loud pained cry. He felt a shiver running down his spine as the cries turned into desperate calls for help. 

"Please! Help! Please! "

Renjun cursed as he pulled out his phone. "I'm calling the police. "

Renjun's finger barely grazed on the screen of his phone when he saw flash of movement before his eyes, followed by the loud sound of the door banging. He immediately look up from the screen and realized that Jaemin was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stream 90's Love and Work It.


	17. Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After second guessing this chapter for a while, I decided to post it. I realized overthinking makes the experience of fic writing less enjoyable from me. Like it or not, just don't be rude about it. Also, thank you for all the supportive messages you gave me in the past chapters. I badly needed them. Thank you!!!

Mark wasn't one to drink his problems away. Or maybe he just didn't have one that's too big in the past that warranted him wanting to be shit-faced at eight in the evening. 

"Damn it, who get shit-faced this early? " Mark vaguely heard Lucas say in a slurry manner. "I told you we should have given him water in between. What are we going to do now? "

"Sorry, but he looked like he needed it, " he heard Jungwoo reasoned. "At least we got him to talk about his feelings. Maybe he'll feel better now. "

Mark laughed bitterly. Feel better his ass. Alcohol was always painful when poured on wounds and Mark had just opened his heart up and exposed the part where it hurt him the most. 

Mark didn't remember clearly the events that had happened. He could only remember fragments of it. He remembered meeting up with Lucas and Jungwoo for a few drinks to apologize to them for how he acted, and while Lucas still looked pissed at him, they both accepted his apology. He remembered Lucas asking him what went wrong, as he acted really differently from how he used to. 

He didn't remember how their conversation went after that, but before he knew it, he was bawling over a glass of whatever it was that Jungwoo got for him. 

What he did remember clearly was the pain. The pain of admitting to someone else other than himself that he really missed Donghyuck. That he wanted him back. That he regretted not realizing his feelings sooner. That he loved Donghyuck more than just as a friend, and that he loved him like that earlier than he realized. That he wanted another chance. That he would die for another chance. That he would do anything for that chance. 

"Donghyuck, " He whispered to no one in particular. "Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck! "

"Wow, you're hopeless man. "

"He's broken-hearted. Have some heart, Xuxi! "

He wondered what Donghyuck was doing at that moment. Was he happy? Was he loved? Was his new boyfriend treating him better than Mark ever treated him? Was he safe? 

Why wouldn't he? No one would ever hurt him the same way that Mark did! 

"Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck! "

"That's it! We're taking you home! "

Mark felt someone yanking his arm, probably Lucas, but Mark pulled his arm back.

"No, not you! Want Donghyuck! "

Lucas grumbled. "Come on Mark. You don't actually expect your ex to pick you up, do you? "

"Lucas, stop being mean! "

"Sorry! "

Mark choked up. Of course, he didn't. He didn't, and shouldn't expect Donghyuck to come to him if he asked him to. Things weren't how they were used to before. But he wanted to. He wanted Donghyuck to be there for him. He wanted to be there for Donghyuck as well. 

"Jungwoo, what are you doing? "

"I'm calling Donghyuck. "

"Are you insane? "

"No, I am a good friend. Mark needs him right now."

"We really shouldn't be meddling with his relationship. "

"I am not meddling. I am just, argh, he's not picking up. "

Mark frowned. 

He wasn't picking up? 

Did Donghyuck really forgot about him already? Did he not care anymore? Did all the love he had for Mark already disappeared? 

Different emotions swirled inside his head. Hurt. Anger. Regret. 

Was there no more love left for him in Donghyuck's heart? 

Mark felt so upset about it, that his impulse told him to snatch the phone away from Jungwoo's hand. The phone almost fell to the ground had Jungwoo not held on to it tighter, and transfer it cautiously into Mark's hand. He proceeded to search for Donghyuck's number on the contacts list on Jungwoo's phone, a difficult task since his vision was already a blur. 

The other line kept ringing. 

"Please answer. Please, please, please! "

"Hello? Jungwoo? "

It felt as if it had been an eternity since he last heard from Donghyuck. His voice sounded different. It sounded a little deeper than it used to. It had been so long since he heard from him, that he found himself tearing up just because of a small hello. 

"Baby! "

Donghyuck took to long to respond. "Mark? Is that you? "

"Baby!"

He heard Donghyuck sighing. "I'm hanging up now, Mark. I think you got the wrong—"

"Baby I was wrong! I was so wrong and I regret everything! "

Donghyuck sighed again. "Mark…"

"I love you, " Mark blurted out. "I love you, and before you tell me that it was not the kind of love, I'm telling you, I love you more than just a friend. I have loved you like that in a while and I'm stupid to not realize it. "

Donghyuck stayed silent from the other line. Mark decided to continue despite hearing Lucas say "Is he supposed to talk to Donghyuck about it on the phone? While he's drunk? "

"I'm sorry. I have gotten used to us being around each other, so used that I didn't even notice when things between us, no, when my feelings for you began to change. You were constant. You were always there, and I took you for granted because of it. I didn't realize how much I really love you until I finally lost you. I'm sorry. 

"I know your happy now. You probably don't love me, or at least not as much as you used to before. But Hyuck, baby, I just want you to know that I love you. I really love you and you deserve to know that because you are so worthy of being loved. I miss you. I want… I want you back, but I know you have a new relationship now. But Hyuck, please, if you could just… I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose you completely. Hyuck, please, don't leave me. I'll take anything you're willing to spare to me. May it be friendship. I'll take it. Please. I miss you. "

Donghyuck remained silent, and Mark felt his heart breaking at every second Donghyuck didn't say a word. 

"God, you're a mess aren't you? "

Mark found himself nodding before realizing that Donghyuck couldn't see him. 

"I am. " Mark replied. "I am a mess without you."

Donghyuck sighed again. "Are you with Jungwoo? "

"Yes. I'm with him and Lucas. "

"Are they drunk, too? "

Mark turned to look at them. "Maybe. "

"Where are you? "

Mark tried to rack his head for an answer, but he was already feeling confused. "I'm not sure. "

Donghyuck sighed. "Can you give the phone back to Jungwoo? I'm coming to get you. "

"Really, baby? "

"Yes. Stop drinking, okay? "

Mark hummed in response. "I miss you. "

He then returned the phone back to Jungwoo, who smacked his head with his palm. "Oh Mark. I can't believe you called—"

But Mark wasn't awake enough to listen to him. He passed out. 

~☆~

Jaemin's entire body finally stopped shaking. The loud sound of Xiaojun's door being banged from the outside had already stopped. Renjun and Xiaojun were both being interviewed by the officers by the door, with Renjun shooting him a concerned look from time to time. 

It was over. Or maybe not yet. While Seungho had been taken into custody by the police, getting over the experience would be a long process. He wasn't even talking about himself. 

Donghyuck continued to cry on his shoulder, still shaken by the recent events. Jaemin couldn't blame him, not when he almost peed his pants after getting Donghyuck and himself back to safety. 

Jaemin rubbed his hand on Donghyuck's back comfortingly, as the latter clutched on to his shirt tightly. He checked his phone again. 

Jaemin had been trying to contact Mark but to no avail, and he realized that Mark was probably still with Lucas and Jungwoo while trying to make amends with them. He just sent his boyfriend a message to call him, when he's available, making sure to indicate that it was urgent and it involved Donghyuck. 

Jaemin wished Mark would call him immediately so that he could tell him what happened. He really thoughg Mark should be in his place at the moment. Donghyuck definitely needed him to be here. 

Jaemin could still feel his knuckles pulsing in pain. He had never punched anyone before. He had never thought about punching anyone before. But Seungho, he deserved it. He deserved the worst. 

Jaemin didn't know what type of spirit entered his body. He had never considered himself as a violent person. He went on autopilot mode. When he heard Donghyuck asking for help, all Jaemin wanted was to save him. He wasn't able to think. He couldn't wait any longer for any help. He knew he had to do it himself. 

Before he knew it, he was running towards the direction where Donghyuck's cries were coming from, kicking the knob broken, and breaking in to the apartment, only to witness Seungho pinning Donghyuck to a wall and aiming a fist at him. He didn't think. He didn't have the luxury to wait. Before he realized what he was doing he was pushing Seungho away from Donghyuck, and punching him with all his strength. The impact shocked him, but he recovered fast enough to grab Donghyuck's hand and drag him away, only to meet Renjun outside, and for all of them to run back to Xiaojun's unit to safety. 

Seungho ran after them like a maniac. He banged on the door and shouted at Donghyuck until the police finally came and interfered. 

He remembered Renjun scolding him for being careless, but as scared as Jaemin was, he never regretted doing what he did. Not when Donghyuck was safe and sound in his arms. 

The door closed about a couple more minutes later, Renjun and Xiaojun walked back in and check on them. 

"The police are gone, " Renjun said monotonously, and Jaemin knew he was more than pissed. "They asked for a statement from the victim, but it's pretty clear he couldn't at the moment. They said Donghyuck have 24 hours to file a case. I suggest he should do it and get it over with. "

"He'll do it, " Jaemin reassured his boyfriend. "But he needs time. "

Renjun scoffed. "He should have done it long ago. If he did, then thing wouldn't have escalated this far. "

"Injunnie, don't blame him, please. "

He could see why Renjun was upset. He must have been dead worry when he saw Jaemin running off to save Donghyuck. He felt a little guilty for worrying Renjun like that, but at the same time, it was a decision he made in that instant, and it was not Donghyuck's fault. 

"I am not blaming him, I'm just…" he sighed. "Sorry. I was just worried. "

Renjun sat down on the floor and placed his head on his knees. Jaemin wanted to comfort him, but Donghyuck didn't seem like he was willing to let go of him at any time. Jaemin wondered if he even recognized who he was. 

"Sorry, " Donghyuck murmured against his shoulder. "Sorry. "

Xiaojun chose that moment to excuse himself to the bathroom, probably not wanting to invade their conversation even if they were technically staying in his own apartment. 

Jaemin frowned and decided to pull Donghyuck closer who didn't make any objection. The poor guy was probably desperate for protection and comfort that he would take it from Jaemin even if Donghyuck nitially hated him. Jaemin just wanted to travel in time and prevent all of this from happening. Donghyuck didn't deserve to be hurt the way Seungho did to him. 

For the first time after the incident, Donghyuck glanced at him, his tear stained eyes and flushed cheeks, with a faint bruise blooming on the side greeting Jaemin and making him want to cry as well. 

"T-thank you, Jaemin, " He whispered. "And I'm sorry. Sorry for the trouble. "

Jaemin caressed his cheeks, Donghyuck flinched before realizing that Jaemin wasn't trying to hurt him. He relaxed against his touch. 

"It's fine. I am fine, " he reassured him. "And so are you. He's gone now. "

"Do you think he'll come back to get me? "

"We wouldn't let him, " he replied. "We'll make sure he'll pay for hurting you and that he couldn't hurt you anymore. "

From the floor he could see Renjun glancing up at him, in a rare moment where the latter was pleading him. He pleading for Jaemin to stay out of trouble. It wasn't his battle. Jaemin just sent him an apologetic look. He just couldn't help it. Donghyuck looked so broken and he couldn't bring himself to abandon him anymore. Renjun sighed before nodding. He understood. 

"I'm sorry, " Donghyuck apologized again. "If I just moved in with him like he asked me to, if I just deleted Mark's contact like he asked me to, if I just threw away the scrapbook like he told me to, he wouldn't have been angry. "

Jaemin's heart sank to hear Donghyuck blaming himself. At the same time, he found himself unable to judge him. Back then, he also thought it was his fault that his mother was always hurting him. He believed it until Renjun made him realize that that wasn't the case. He wanted Donghyuck to realized that, too. 

"No, Donghyuck, it's not your fault, " he insisted, grasping at Donghyuck's hand for emphasis. "It's not your fault that he hurt you. It's his fault because he's an evil person. "

"But he loves me, " Donghyuck reasoned, only for Renjun to interrupt him. 

"That's a strange manifestation of love, right there. I love Jaemin, and I certain I would never punch him in the face. Neither would he. We would much rather hurt ourselves than to hurt each other. "

Donghyuck turned to look at Renjun, processing his every words. "But he… "

"Donghyuck, " Jaemin called his name firmly. "Renjun is right. I love him. I'll get hurt when he gets hurt. I would never want to put a bruise on him, I'd rather hit myself, because that would just feel the same. You get me? I'm sorry. I know things might hurt but… I don't think he loves you enough to not hit you. "

Donghyuck's lips began to quiver as more tears escaped from his eyes. 

"Am I really that difficult to love? "

Jaemin looked at his boyfriend for help but Renjun just mouthed a word to him. 

Mark. 

Jaemin tried to subtly check his phone for a message, only to find one. Why hadn't Mark called him yet? Donghyuck badly needed him. 

Renjun shook his head as he noticed Jaemin's expression. He could faintly here him muttering to himself, probably cursing Mark for his absence. 

He decided to comfort Donghyuck himself, as if that hadn't been what he was doing all along. 

"No Donghyuck, you aren't. Mark loves you, remember? "

Donghyuck shook his head. "He didn't. He loves you. "

Jaemin frowned. They had this conversation before, and even then, Donghyuck was believing the same thing, even if Jaemin himself could see that that wasn't the case. 

"Oh, Donghyuck, " Jaemin exclaimed as he placed his palm on both of other's cheeks. "If only I can confess to you in behalf of Mark. He missed you. He missed you so much that he isn't being himself since you broke up with him and moved out. "

"But he has you, " Donghyuck argued. "He has you. He has no reason to miss me when you're with him. "

Jaemin just shook his head. "Because I am not you, " he replied with a smile. "I can make him happy, but I can never do it the way you do. He loves you. If only both of you would realize that. "

Donghyuck frowned. A part of Jaemin knew that he was most probably doubting him, and as much as he wanted to appeal on Mark's behalf, he wasn't Mark. There were only a few things he could do and say to help his boyfriend. He should leave everything else to Mark. 

"Uh, excuse me, " Xiaojun came out of the bathroom with a box in hand. "I'm not in any chance in a medical profession but I do know first-aid. May I? "

Jaemin pulled away from Donghyuck, belatedly realizing their close proximity, with the latter almost already lying on him. 

"Are you hurt anywhere?" Xiaojun asked Donghyuck. "Aside from your face, I mean. "

At the same time, Renjun got up from the floor and began inspecting his knuckles. He glared at Jaemin before sighing and pressing his lips on the latter's forehead. "You scared me. You scared me and I don't want you doing that again. But… I'm proud of you. You're brave, Jaemin. So brave. "

Jaemin found himself smiling. 

"My head hurts, " Donghyuck said not a minute later, catching both of Jaemin and Renjun's attention. 

"Should we take you to the hospital? " he immediately offered, with Renjun agreeing immediately. 

"That would be a good idea. That way, we could also secure more evidences to use against your ex. "

Donghyuck bit his lip before shaking his head. "Thank you. But you don't have to. I'll just do it on my own. I don't want to trouble you. "

"You're not troubling us, we really want to, " he insisted. He turned to Renjun who nodded without hesitation. 

"We already helped you, you don't have to be ashamed now. "

Donghyuck blushed. "If you insist. Thank you. "

"Then after that, you can rest, so that we can go to the station to file a compliant. Do you want to go home to your family? "

Donghyuck shook his head. "They don't leave around here. I'll just stay at my apartment. "

Jaemin frowned. There was no way Donghyuck should be staying alone after everything that had happened. He looked at Renjun and it was obvious, he thought the same, too. 

"Our couch is comfortable, " his boyfriend offered. 

"My couch is small, " Xiaojun said while looking at Donghyuck apologetically. "Sorry. "

Donghyuck just shook his head and politely declined. 

"Thank you, but all of you did so much already. I can't accept more. "

It was then that Jaemin realized what he had to do. 

"Donghyuck, " he called the other to catch his attention. "I know you're probably feeling embarassed to accept help from us. You barely know us, after all. But I certainly know a person who knows you and cares about you, so much that he would never close his door on you. If you can't accept help from us, then please consider him. You don't deserve to be alone tonight."


	18. Recording

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes similar to what I added in the first chapter that I decided to post here just so you guys will know. 
> 
> Tags are there for a reason, and with the tags, you can already assume what's going to happen in the story. Don't come at me with complains about the elements that I already warned you about in the tags. If you choose to be here despite hating or at the very least feeling uncomfortable of those elements, please remember, you were warned, and therefore, it is pointless to complain or argue about it with me. 
> 
> I don't, in an form or way, condone cheating. Just because a character is blaming himself for being cheated on, doesn't mean that that's my view as a person or that that's the message I am trying to send the readers. It is a character role, a part of his characterization and it's foul to accuse me of that based on a character's opinion. 
> 
> I never intended for the readers to think that Haechan is the bad guy in this story for not accepting the relationship. I never realized I would come to a point where I would have to directly explain this as I initially thought it was obvious and everyone else can see that he wasn't. Again, just because Mark and Renjun felt a little impatient about Haechan bot being on the same page as them, it is just something that their character feels and once again, the opinions of the character doesn't always reflect the views of the writer. Again, it is a foul assumption. 
> 
> Lastly, please limit your expectations. I am a fanfic writer with no formal training and is mostly just doing it for fun. More over, please realize that we are a different person. We think differently. As a reader, I know what it's like to envision how a story would go, only for things to to differently. It's fine. But we need to be respectful. What isn't respectful is to try to tailor another person's work to your preference because you nothing else is right other that what you think is right. It's not constructive criticism, even if you insist it is. It is entitlement. 
> 
> And about concrit, I wish to remind you guys that we exercise the freedom to accept or reject them. In the end, it's always up to us. What's wrong is to label people because they refuse to accept your critic. 
> 
> And with that said, this chapter is filled with so much self blaming, especially on Donghyuck's part. Bear in mind that that just how the character view the situation, and it doesn't mean that I as the write believe that it was all his fault. 
> 
> Thank you!!!

Donghyuck never expected that he would be waiting outside Mark's apartment, in the middle of the night, when the latter was most probably already sleeping. He wondered if this was the right thing to do. If it was right for him to come running to Mark for help after trying to cut him off for days.

Donghyuck wondered if he should have just stayed at the hospital despite the doctor immediately clearing him to go home. Maybe he should have feigned other injuries. While he didn't want to be in his own in his apartment after the incident, Mark's apartment was certainly not his home as well. Not anymore since he decided to leave, not only the place but the person residing inside as well. 

He felt Jaemin squeezing his hand as the latter hold it. He turned, only to receive a warm smile from the other. He felt the urge to smile back.

Donghyuck never thought that he would find fear in the very person who was supposed to love him, and he never thought he would find safety in the very person he once consider to be his rival.

Donghyuck still didn't how Jaemin managed to be there on the right place and at the right time. What he did know was that he would forever be thankful for him. Jaemin didn't have to do it, especially since Donghyuck wasn't even that nice to him before, but he still did. He even risked running into danger to help Donghyuck. Finally, Donghyuck could understand why Mark called Jaemin an angel. He might actually be one indeed.

"Mark would be happy to see you," Jaemin assured him, before realizing his statement sounded off. "And worried. But I'm sure he'll do everything he could to make you feel as comfortable as possible."

Donghyuck could only hope that that was still the case. He hadn't been in contact with Mark for days. But then, Mark always tried to make effort, didn't he? He just didn't respond because he didn't want to offend Seungho.

Jaemin began to knock as Donghyuck waited nervously. He didn't know how to act in front of Mark. Most especially, he didn't know how Mark would react upon seeing how he looked like. There were a lot of small cuts on his face near his eyes and a huge bruise on blooming on his cheek. He felt self conscious. He was scared that Mark would be disappointed with him. After all, he brought it upon himself by choosing Seungho over Mark. If only he had been contented with what Mark was willing to give him and stayed, this wouldn't have happened.

"Relax," Jaemin told him, again sending him another one of his comforting smile.

They waited. 

"Is he asleep already?" Renjun asked, only for Jaemin to shrug as he began to think about it. 

"He had this meet up with Jungwoo and Lucas. Maybe he's not home yet?"

Donghyuck didn't know if he felt disappointed or relieved at the prospect of not seeing Mark. While he was anxious, deep inside, there's a huge part of himself who wanted to seek comfort from him. It was pathetic. He knew it was,especially since it was him who decided to create distance. "Maybe I should just head home."

"No," Jaemin objected before quickly pulling out his wallet. "I have a spare key. We could just wait for him inside."

"What if Mark doesn't like that?" He couldn't help but ask. Maybe Mark didn't care about him anymore. Maybe he hated him for trying to block all source of communication between them. Or maybe… maybe Mark already enjoyed the liberty of being apart from him and his presence would only trouble Mark again. 

"Hey," Jaemin replied while placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's bad enough that we can't contact him and tell him what happened to you. I'm pretty sure that Mark would want to know as soon as he can. Let's just wait for him. You can even rest while we wait for him, wouldn't you like that?"

Donghyuck frowned. He wasn't sure. He really felt embarrassed running back to Mark like this. He felt like he didn't have the right to. 

Jaemin sighed. "You really have no idea how much Mark loves you, do you? Trust me. There wasn't any place in this world that Mark would want you to be other than here. Should we come inside?"

Donghyuck took a deep breath before nodding. Why was he even so worried? This was Mark. Mark who was willing to help him at all costs. Why was he being so nervous? Mark said they were still friends, right? But still… what if it wasn't the same anymore? After all, a lot of things already changed in their relationship. 

Jaemin proceeded to unlock the door without waiting for an answer and Donghyuck found himself just hoping for the best. 

The first thing that Donghyuck noticed were the noises coming from the inside which only grew louder as the door was opened wider. There were slurred and hushed conversations coming from one of the two rooms in the apartment. It wasn't as empty a they initially expected it was, and by the sound of it, Mark wasn't even on his own. 

"Ah, Mark. Why are you being so difficult?" Donghyuck heard a familiar voice booming, causing him to flinch. He wasn't one to to be frightened by sound easily, but after spending time with Seungho, he came to associate yelling with violence. His instincts were telling him to run away. 

Donghyuck tripped as he tried to bolt towards the door, only for Renjun to catch him. 

"Stupid humans, " he commented, and Donghyuck was glad that the the insult didn't seem to be directed at him. "I knew it. Our couch would have been better than this. "

"Calm down, " Jaemin tried to pacify them both, although he was clearly confused himself about what's going on. "I wonder what's happening. Maybe I should check? "

Before Jaemin could even move, the door from Mark's room opened, as two figures whom Donghyuck immediately recognized as Jungwoo and Lucas came out. The scent of alcohol feeling his lungs. He shivered, especially since he knew how alcohol could make people act the worse. 

It was Lucas who noticed them first and nodded at their direction. He looked a little surprise to see Donghyuck, before his expression transformed into something else. Happy? Excited? 

Before he knew it, Lucas was walking towards his direction. "Donghyuckie! Nice to see you here! "

Donghyuck froze in his place. While he did know Lucas as Mark's friend, something in his head was telling him he wasn't safe. Lucas was strong, tall and drunk. Donghyuck wouldn't be able to protect himself if ever. 

Lucas stopped on his track when Renjun's small figure stepped forward to be Donghyuck's personal shield. Lucas looked confused for a moment. He looked at Donghyuck, and in a closer distance, he noticed how messed up his face was for the first time. 

"Oh my, " Lucas was able to say while looking at him with worry. In an instant, Jungwoo was beside the other. 

"What happened? " Jungwoo asked, and all Donghyuck could do was look down in shame. He didn't feel comfortable explaining it to them. 

"It's a long story that maybe you can ask for him next time. "Jaemin answered for him. Thankfully, despite the two's curiosity and concern, they decided to let it go. "Is Mark there? "

"Uh, " Lucas hesitated. He cleared his throat before sharing a look with Jungwoo, silently asking the other to do the explaining. Jungwoo just shook his head and nudged him. Lucas sighed. "Yes. But I don't think you can talk to him right now. "

Jaemin and him shared a look. "Is he sick? " the former asked, voice filled with concern. 

Lucas shrugged. "Well you could say that. "

Donghyuck felt even more confused. Maybe he shouldn't be here. If Mark was sick, then the last thing that Donghyuck wanted was to burden him with problems he created himself. 

Jaemin wasted no time walking towards the direction of Mark's room to check on him. In his hurry to check on his boyfriend, Jaemin had probably forgotten that he was holding Donghyuck's hand, and thus he was dragging him along as he walked. He didn't know if he had just forgotten how to complain, or if he eas just as curious and concerned as Jaemin. 

Mark was not alone when Jaemin and him came in. Jaehyun was there, trying to coax the other to go to bed and sleep, with so much struggle, and to no avail. 

"No, he said he will come and meet me, I'll wait for him! " Mark complained as he tried to push away Jaehyun's hands which was pinning him down. 

Jaehyun sighed. "He didn't say that, Mark. I did. Now go to sleep and don't wake your neighbors up. "

"But… he said… why isn't he here? Why isn't she here with me? "

If this happened about a year ago, then Donghyuck would probably find the scene comical. Just drunk Mark being emotional. He would definitely catch all of this in camera to tease Mark about it in the future. 

But maybe, the previous events took away his sense of humor from him. That, and the fact that Marl looked miserable that night. 

For a short while, Donghyuck had forgotten about himself upon seeing Mark. He was crying, and Donghyuck had never seen Mark cried like that, even if he had seen Mark went through a lot. But at that moment, he looked so hurt, so much more than he ever did before, and Donghyuck wanted to run to him and comfort him immediately, like how he used to before. 

"Mark, " before he could even dare to move, Jaemin was already a step ahead of him. He felt Jaemin's hold on him slipping away, as the other boy turned his attention on Mark. 

Right. It wasn't his place to do those things anymore. Jaemin was there to do it. Donghyuck should know his place. 

Donghyuck knew he shouldn't have been hurt when Mark's expression brightened up, and he immediately jumped to hug Jaemin, suddenly having the strength to overpower Jaehyun. He knew and yet he did feel that way, and he couldn't help but wallow in guilt for feeling that way. How could he, after everything that Jaemin did for him? He gave them one last look, only to see Mark sobbing into Jaemin's shoulder before deciding he should go away. If he couldn't watch them and not feel happy for them, then he shouldn't watch them all and show them the bitterness they didn't deserve. 

He contemplated trying to check if his former room was still available for the night, or if he had to ask Renjun to take him somewhere else. Somewhere far maybe, so he wouldn't feel hateful towards Mark and Jaemin. 

"Donghyuck, " he heard Jaehyun calling after him. He stopped. He turned around to face the other, maybe for a polite and short conversation before finally excusing himself. He didn't have the energy for any sort of conversation at the moment. There were a lot of things swirling in his mind. Seungho. Mark. Jaemin. He just wanted to sleep everything away. Jaehyun rushed towards him in an urgent manner, only for his expression to change as he got better view of Donghyuck. He was obviously shocked, but nevertheless stayed silent about it, something that Donghyuck felt thankful for. 

"Are you going to leave? "

Donghyuck didn't understand the importance of such question. He wasn't needed there. He didn't live there anymore. He had no reason to stay. 

Donghyuck shrugged. "I think so. "

Mark wasn't feeling well, and Jaemin was there to care for him. Donghyuck had no place there. 

Jaehyun sighed. "Look, I don't know what happened between you and Mark, but… he called me earlier. He thought I was you. "

Donghyuck couldn't hide his confusion as he furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean? How could he be confused about that? "

"He called me using Jungwoo's phone. He was drunk, so maybe he wasn't able to pick the right contact. And he, well…" Jaehyun fished out his phone from his pocket. "I'm not sure if Mark's going to kill me or thank me for this but here. "

Jaehyun search for something in his phone before pushing it towards Donghyuck's direction. 

"You might want to listen to this. And then… Maybe talk to him? Or maybe not. Do whatever you want about it. No pressure, but we kind of miss the old Mark. He wasn't the same since you're gone. "

Jaehyun left him on his own after that, his phone securely placed on Donghyuck's hands. 

Donghyuck stared at it blankly, before looking at the file that Jaehyun asked him to listen to. A recording. Of what? 

Donghyuck didn't have an idea what it could possibly be, but Jaehyun's insistent was feeding his curiosity. His finger hovered above the recorded file before deciding that he wouldn't lose anything by doing what he was asked. 

So he listened. He listened as Mark's voice filled the apartment, and found himself frozen in place as he heard everything that Mark had to say. 

~☆~

Mark cursed the moment he woke up, immediately regretting exceeding his limit the previous night. He wasn't a heavy weight, and he knew that, and yet, he decided to drink his heart out. 

Mark groaned as he tried open his eyes, squinting as someone turned the lights on. He then began to wonder where he was. Did he make it back home the previous night? 

"Headache? " he heard a voice asking. Despite his throbbing headache, he easily recognized the owner as Jaemin. He hummed in response. 

"That's what you get for drinking too much. "

Mark opened his eyes again to see Jaemin putting a glass of water and a tablet of aspirin on the table beside the bed. Mark quickly thanked him. 

Slowly, Mark got up and rested his back on the head board. He picked up the tablet and popped it in his mouth before drinking his water as Jaemin sat down on the other end of the bed. 

"Did I call you last night, angel? Are you the one who brought me home?"

Mark didn't remember the entire events the previous night, although he remembered talking to someone over the phone. 

Jaemin shook his head. "You didn't. But I was told you tried to talk to Donghyuck but ended up calling Jaehyun instead. He's the one who brought you home, along with Jungwoo and Lucas. "

Mark grimaced. He was a little thankful for his mistake, because he wouldn't be able to get over his embarrassment had he drunk called Donghyuck. At the same time, Mark didn't want to know what he said over the phone so he was hoping his teammate would just pretend the mistake didn't happen. He was pretty sure he made a fool of himself during that call. 

"Did they call you to take care of me then? Is that why you're here? "

Jaemin shook his head again. "I doubt any of them already have my number. "

It made sense. Jaemin hadn't hang out with them long enough to get each others number. But that didn't explain Jaemin's presence. 

Mark tried to observe Jaemin and noticed the dark circle in his eyes. He wondered if it was all because he stayed up while taking care of Mark, or if there were something else troubling him. 

"Is there something wrong? "

Jaemin sighed once again. He crawled closer to Mark before grasping his hands in his, the action making Mark more nervous than before. 

"Actually, I came here last night to tell you something important. "

Mark furrowed his brows. 

"Actually, I think it's not even me who is supposed to tell you something. Hyung, I didn't come here alone. I came here with Renjun… and Donghyuck. "

Mark was surprised. The last person he would expect Donghyuck to be with was Jaemin. He wondered why they were together, and why they would come to visit Mark in the middle of the night. 

Something about Jaemin's expression piqued his curiosity. Or was it worry? Jaemin looked like the next thing he was going to say wouldn't be easy for him. 

"Something happened to Donghyuck, Hyung. " Mark froze. "I think he really needs you right now. "

It took a long moment for Mark to recover and reply, and when he did, he could hear his own voice breaking as he spoke. 

"Where is he? Is he safe? What happened, Jaemin? Tell me, please! "

"Mark-hyung, please stay calm, " Jaemin asked him. "He's here. He's in the other room. He's safe. "

"What happened to him, Jaemin? I want to know! "

Jaemin began to frown. "I think it's better if you'll ask him himself. "

That was all Mark needed to here before he's climbing off the bed and scrambling to go to the next room, ignoring the dizziness he was feeling. 

Mark almost knocked Renjun over, who angrily called him out for it. He only managed to give him a short apology, as he dashed towards Donghyuck's room without even bothering to knock. 

Donghyuck gasped loudly when the door was swung open. He jumped on the bed as he stared at Mark in surprised. 

Mark on the other hand found himself swirling in a mixture of surprise and anger the moment he saw Donghyuck. The bruise on his cheek and on his arms, as well as the tiny cuts on his face immediately caught his attention. He froze. He didn't know what to do. Wave of nausea filled him and his knees began to buckle. 

"Hyuckie…" was the only word he managed to say. His throat felt like their were closing up and his mind was running blank. All he wanted to do was run to Donghyuck, but his legs refused to move. 

Somehow, Donghyuck only managed to stare at him, before his eyes began to water. Only then did Mark's legs remember how to move. 

He ran to him and wasted no time wrapping his arms around him, his own weight falling on the bed, his own tears falling as Donghyuck's silent cries turned into sobs. 

"Hyung…"

"I'm here, Hyuck. I'm here. "

Donghyuck continued to sob and Mark just allowed him to cry. He never once dared to let him go, even as he began to wonder what could have happened to him. 

It took a long time, but gradually, Donghyuck's cries died down into whimpers, and Mark figured it was the right time for his questions. 

"Hyuck, baby." The pet name immediately falling from his lips. "I need you to tell me what happened, so I can help. "

Donghyuck sniffled before pulling away. Mark let him go reluctantly. 

"S-seungho… he hit me."

Mark balled up his fist, his anger slowly growing uncontrollable as Donghyuck mentioned the name. 

How could Seungho do that? He was supposed to love Donghyuck, for Pete's sake! 

"I'm going to kill him, "he announced, as he immediately got on his feet to look for Donghyuck's abusive boyfriend, only for Donghyuck to grasp his hands and stop him

"Hyung, wait! He's in jail now. I'm filing a case against him, so please, don't do anything drastic!"

Being in jail didn't feel like it was enough for what he did Donghyuck. He deserved more, especially since Mark wasn't sure how long he had been treating Donghyuck like that. 

"Has he been hurting you for so long? "

Donghyuck's silence was enough of an answer, and Mark found himself collapsing to the ground. 

"You told me you were happy, Hyuck. I thought…"

All those times that he thought Donghyuck was happy with his new relationship, he had no idea what was going on already. He couldn't help but blame himself for everything. He shouldn't have let Donghyuck go. He should have chased him! He should have prevented all of this from happening. 

None of it would have happened if he hadn't hurt Donghyuck in the first place. 

"Hyung, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for lying. I thought I was doing the right thing for all of us. I'm just so stupid! It's all my fault. "

Mark scrambled to get closer to Donghyuck until he was kneeling in front of the latter. 

"No, Hyuck, I am sorry. I am sorry for not being there. I am sorry that you had to go through all of this alone. I'm sorry for not giving you a reason to believe that you don't have to lie for my happiness. I'm sorry for not showing you how much I love because I really do. More that I initially thought. More than I made you feel. More than you know. "

Mark then began to internally berate himself for saying that. Now wasn't the time. It wasn't the time to confess his feelings, when it was the time for him to support Donghyuck without asking for anything in return. 

"Mark-hyung, do you really mean that? "

Mark fell silent. 

"Last night, Jaehyun gave me a recording of your voice. You were talking to him, but you he was me. You… you said you love me. Did you just say that because you're drunk? "

Maybe he had expected a recording, but he never expected for it to reach Donghyuck. Mark couldn't help but feel confused and betrayed by his friends, especially since such confession should be the least important thing at the moment. 

And yet, Donghyuck's eyes were begging for an answer, an answer that Mark found himself unable to deny. He took a deep breath. 

"Hyuck, I know this isn't the time for me to say this, but yes, I really do love you. More than just a friend. I'm pretty sure that it's hard for you to believe that, and I can understand why. But Donghyuck, I really regret not realizing it sooner and putting you into so much pain! "

"Hyung, you're not just telling me this because of pity, right? " Donghyuck asked "You dated me out of pity before, and I don't want that anymore. "

Mark shook his head at the memory. "Donghyuck, no. I admit, when I first began dating you, I did it because I know about your feelings and I thought I should give you a chance since you're important to me. But then, began to fall in love with you as well without even realizing it. I was stupid. You were constant. I didn't realize you were more than just a friend to me anymore. I didn't until you're gone, and by then, it was too late. 

"I want you back. I want you but I thought you were happier without me, I felt like I didn't deserve a second chance after taking you for granted. I hurt you. I cheated on you. I made you feel like you weren't important at all. And then Seungho came. I was jealous, I admit. I don't like seeing you with him. I don't like the idea of you being in a relationship with him, and I guess this is when I started realizing how I really feel about you. I didn't want you to leave but I thought you'll be happier. I thought that he'll treat you better that I ever did. I thought he wouldn't hurt you like I did. It hurts so much. I didn't want to let you go. I really didn't want to. It was the most painful decision I made for us, but still, at that moment, I thought it was least selfish decision I ever made. I wanted you to be happy. And I guess, I hurt you enough to give you the happiness you deserved. 

"But I guess, even then, I was stupid. How was I not able to realize that he wasn't going to treat you right? You don't deserve to be hurt, Donghyuck! You don't deserved anything that happened to you! "

"But you hurt me, too, right? " Donghyuck asked back. "You know that, right?"

Mark looked down in shame as the memories of how he treated Donghyuck dawned upon him. From how he cheated on him with Jaemin, to downplaying his feeling as something he could get over with in time, and worse, for making him feel unimportant and unloved. He had no words to describe what he did other than they're unforgivable. 

"I know, " He admitted shamefully. "I know that I hurt you, and that no amount of apology could translate how sorry I truly am. "

"That's why, I really don't know what to say, " Donghyuck replied. "When I listened to your confession, I was really confused. What should I do about it? Should I accept it? Should I come back to you? You love me. You told me you love me, differently from how I initially assumed. Sorry. Sorry but I really don't know. Seungho said the same thing to me, and well, you said I am important to you. But both of you ended up hurting me. I… I'm scared. I don't know anymore if I can be in a relationship with you. "

"I am not asking you to," Mark replied defensively, only to realize what his statement could imply. "It's not that I don't want to. I want to. I would do anything to have that one more chance with you. But I understand now. I can't just be selfish. I can't just think about what I want. I can't force you to be with me again, and I will not. Why are we even talking about this now? "

It shouldn't be his concern at the moment, Hyuck was hurting and probably traumatized by the events, and here he was talking about his feelings. 

"Hyuck, we don't have to date for me to care about you. I'm not about to pressure you into anything. I'm not even going to tell you that I'll treat you better because we both know that what I did wasn't really any better. But, Hyuck, please, let me be with you in this. Allow me to help you. Not as your boyfriend or your ex. At least, allow me to be here as your friend. "

He probably didn't have the right to ask anything, but at the very least, he refuse to see Donghyuck fight this battle alone, especially since Mark knew that he was far from the reason why all of it happened.

Donghyuck just stared at him for a moment, judging, contemplating. "A friend? "

Mark nodded. "A friend."

Donghyuck sighed. "Okay. I guess I really need one right now."

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" 

Donghyuck sighed. "From the beginning?"

"Only if you wanted to."

Donghyuck sighed. "I guess I thought he really love me, and that jealousy and anger as just proof that he loved me for real…"

●●●

"I guess, it was also my fault. I mean, I wasn't being honest with him. I guess I wasn't being fair to him when I decided to date him even… even if I still have feelings for you. It's my fault as well. "

By the end of the story, Mark was ready to burst in anger. The only thing that was holding him back was his fear of triggering a reaction from Donghyuck. 

"Hyuck, it's not your fault. There's so many ways to talk about it, but he resorted to being violent. Is was never a good reason to hurt you! I can't believe we didn't see through his act! "

"Yeah, " Donghyuck said dejectedly. "I guess, I was that desperate for love. "

And that was one of the reasons why, Mark didn't only hate Seungho but himself as well. It was because of how he treated Donghyuck that he began to feel that way about himself. He didn't need to suffer just to be loved. 

"And I'm sorry, too, " Donghyuck apologized afterwards, causing Mark to look at him in confusion. "For ignoring you. I… Seungho told me to cut you off. Sorry. I know how much you hate being abandoned. "

"No, Hyuck, no. Don't apologize. " He said. "I admit, I missed you. I really did, but if you decided to cut me off for good, then maybe I deserve it. I don't know how you could still think about me when you are suffering, I don't deserve it. "

How could Donghyuck be so kind that he would still think about Mark's feelings despite everything. Maybe, he really didn't deserve him. He was too kind and perfect for Mark. 

"I'm scared, " Donghyuck said after a while. "I'm scared to face him. He have this… I don't know. He have this ability to make me doubt myself. "

"You don't have to face him alone, " He replied. "I… I'll be there. If you want me to, I'll be there. I'm not doing it for anything, I just want to be there for you. After everything, this is the least I can do. "

"He'll hate to see you there. "

"And I hate him as well. "

Donghyuck sighed. "Is it really okay? I don't want to burden you. "

"You're never a burden to me, Hyuck. I am sorry if I ever made you feel that way. But you're not. Helping you is never a task for me. "

Donghyuck hesitated for a moment before answering. "Then I'll appreciate it if I'll have you there. "

A knock was made at the door which interrupted their conversation. It didn't take long before Jaemin's head popped between the door. 

"Hi, " he greeted them shyly and apologetically. "I'm really sorry to interrupt, but Renjun got a call from the station, and he was told Donghyuck should file the case already. We also know a good lawyer if you're interested. "

Mark thanked him in response for all the efforts he and Renjun were making for Donghyuck. While it made Mark felt completely useless, being insecure at the moment was of no use. Donghyuck should be his top priority.

Mark felt Donghyuck nudging him from the side, causing him to immediately turn to look at him. 

"Hyung, Jaemin, saved me last night. If he didn't came on time, then I don't know what could have happened to me. He really is an angel, Hyung. And… and you're lucky to have him. "

It was probably the first compliment that Donghyuck had ever given to Jaemin, and while Mark wanted to celebrate that, it wasn't entirely appropriate. Mark immediately shifted his attention to Jaemin, who was blushing after Donghyuck's speech. 

"It's nothing," Jaemin tried to brush it off. "I… I just remember a bit of him, and I was suspicious. I thought I would investigate, and…"

"And you turned out to be right, " Mark finished for him. 

He remembered the amount of times,Jaemin tried to warn him about Seungho, and all the times he tried to brush it off as his boyfriend just trying to cheer him up. God only knew what could have happened had Jaemin given up on his suspicions. 

"Angel, I couldn't thank you enough, " he started, as he began to walk towards Jaemin's direction. He grasped his hand, only to notice the bandage wrapped around his knuckles. 

"It's nothing, Hyung, " he said, pulling his hand away. "It was worth it. I would punch him again if given the chance. "

"You wouldn't, " Mark replied. "I would do it instead. "

"Of course you would, " Jaemin said with a chuckle. "You would do anything for Donghyuck."

"And you, " Mark added. "I will do anything for the both of you. "

"I know, " Jaemin replied back. 

Mark turned around to see Donghyuck watching them before smiling upon noticing him looking. Jaemin nudged him before whispering. 

"Take care of him, okay? He deserve the best. "

It was typical of Jaemin to say such thing. Mark nodded. "I will. I promise."

"Renjun and I grabbed take out for breakfast. Come out and eat when you're ready to, " he called out to Donghyuck before heading out. 

"He's nice, " Donghyuck commented once the door closed behind Jaemin. "I can see what you see in him now. "

"So are you, Hyuck, " Mark added. "So are you. You're both perfect and sometimes I feel like I don't deserve any of you."

Donghyuck frowned. "We all make mistakes sometimes. "

"Not as big as mine. " 

Mark disliked how Donghyuck was trying to downplay his actions. It was more than just a simple mistake. Mark knew it. Simple mistakes don't hurt people severely as much as he had hurt Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck sighed. "I never hated you. I was hurt, but I can never hate you. "

"You should, " Mark decided to argue. "I don't know why you don't but… thank you. I have no words other than I will never hurt you again. "

Donghyuck tried o smile. "Okay. We'll see."

He reached out his hand to Donghyuck. "Breakfast before we put your ex to hell? "

Donghyuck nodded before hesitantly grabbing on to Mark's outstretched hand. "You will be with me, right? Every step of the way? "

"Yes. I will never leave your side anymore. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might return to snip and edit this later. Also, I might add another chapter to the chapter count but its just really me dividing the last one. Thank you!!! See you at the end if you want to. No pressure!


	19. Luggage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing much to see in this chapter. Just more talking. Happy holidays!!!

Donghyuck let out a muffled groan as he buried his face on his pillow. The annoying knocks being made on the door of the apartment stirred him up from what seemed to be his only peaceful slumber in days. 

He was beyond tired from everything that had transpired within the week, that his body had already given up from staying awake all night and shut down finally. Undisturbed, he would probably stayed asleep until noon and miss a couple of his lessons. He was a little surprised that he was awoken by such noise when fatigue could have caused him to sleep like a log. But then again, experiences had already trained him to be awake, and be aware of his surroundings, even subconsciously. 

The knocks persisted, a sign that whoever was outside did not intend to leave. Blindly, he tried searching for his phone on the bedside table, squinting at the brightness before checking the time and date. It was 7 am, on a Saturday. A Saturday when he had no reason to be awake that early. 

He groaned again as yet another set of knocks were heard. He stretched his limbs while lazily getting up and getting out of the room. 

It was a little harder to move around when he's still a little sleepy, as he kept on mixing the two apartments up. It took his a while to finally find the door. 

It was too early, and he wasn't thinking enough, that he almost immediately reached for the knob in order to turn it and let whoever stranger was outside in the apartment. Almost. 

He mentally scolded himself for that almost mistake, when he of all people should realize how dangerous it could be. It was a good thing that their apartment, or rather Mark's apartment for he was just crashing in his place for the moment, had this peephole where he could check on the person first to see if he was worth opening the door for. 

Donghyuck wasted no time getting a glimpse on the person outside. He was definitely not a stranger as the pink hair that immediately caught his eyes were nothing but already familiar to him. 

Jaemin waited patiently for a moment before turning to whoever was behind him, Renjun probably, and proceeding to knock again. Before this, Jaemin hadn't needed to knock, but after Donghyuck decided to crash Mark's place upon the latter's invitation and persistent request, Jaemin immediately returned his keys back to Mark, as he didn't want to disturb anyone, nor invade privacy. Admittedly, Jaemin's presence then greatly bothered him in the past, but now, he couldn't help but feel guilty, especially since the circumstances then were different. First, he technically didn't live there anymore, at least not officially. Second, he's not dating Mark anymore. So yes, it was different. Still, he appreciated the gesture, which only made him feel guilty as he had been nothing but hostile to Jaemin before. 

He pulled himself out of his thoughts when he realized that Jaemin was knock once again while he was dumbly standing there and not letting the other in. He let out a yawn. He really wasn't awake enough for this. 

He wasted no time unlocking the door and pulling it wide open for the other. It was a mixture of surprise and embarrassment that Donghyuck saw on Jaemin's face as he realized that it was him and not Mark who opened the door for him. 

"Oh my, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up! "

Donghyuck's hand immediately flew to his bed hair to try and fix them, scolding himself once again for not trying to at least look presentable. He probably looked like shit. But then again this was Jaemin and Renjun amd They both had seen him in a much worse circumstances. 

"It's fine, " He replied before stepping back to allow the other to enter. "I was already awake anyway. "

A lie, obviously, and he was sure Jaemin wasn't buying it, especially when he decided to apologize again. 

"I'm really sorry, Donghyuck. I really wasn't planning to come here this early. I was hoping to stay at the cafe nearby to pass the time and to order take out before coming here later. But well, there's an emergency that cannot wait any longer. "

An emergency? 

Donghyuck tried to search Jaemin's face for any clue but failed to find any. 

"Are you okay? Should we wake Mark up? "

He didn't know much about Jaemin at all, so he had no idea what kind of emergency could he possibly have. But showing up at early in the morning was enough to show that whatever it was, it was really urgent. A part of him was also concerned about it, whatever it was. They weren't exactly friends, yet, but he knew how much he owe Jaemin for that night. Maybe it was his desire to return the favor that made his voice sound so concerned. 

"Oh, yes, I am fine, I mean, the emergency is not about me, " Jaemin immediately denied with an awkward laugh. "But yes, I believe, we have to wake Mark up. He's the only one who can solve this. "

A face popped up from behind Jaemin, which piqued Donghyuck's curiosity. Because no, the face that didn't belong to Renjun at all. Renjun wasn't one to greet people with a smile. Most of all, Renjun wouldn't be carrying luggages and boxes with him if ever he decided to drop by. 

An enthusiastic greetings was thrown at his direction in a cute foreign accent, as the he person behind Jaemin stepped forward to let himself be shown. 

~☆~

It was fair to say that it wasn't just Donghyuck who had a rough week. Mark, too, had one, as he suffered in solidarity with Donghyuck. It was fair to say that just like Donghyuck, he deserved his sleep. 

It took an effort for Donghyuck and Jaemin to wake him up, which involved shaking him awake and yanking his blanket away. At last, when all of the efforts failed, Donghyuck felt like there was no other choice, but to tell him the truth that very instant. 

"Mark-hyung, there's a kid outside named Osaki Shotaro who's telling me he's going to live here and stay in the very room I am staying into. What do I do? "

It did the trick, as Mark immediately went running towards the living room to be greeted by the sight of the very kid Donghyuck had mentioned to him about. 

Except, the kid wasn't really a kid, but another student their age, who happened to be Mark's new roommates. 

After watching Mark had a moment of denial of reality, with him cursing himself for forgetting about Shotaro, Jaemin took the initiative to have them all sat down for a conversation. 

"So you are Mark-hyung's roommate, " Donghyuck asked again to clarify. 

"Yes. " Shotaro nodded happily. He was probably lost in translation as he didn't seem to realize that there were some issues going on. 

"And you're moving in today? "

"Yes. "

"Oh, I see, " Donghyuck nodded to himself before turning towards Mark's direction. The older was looking at Shotaro with a blank face before rubbing his face with his heavily bandaged hand. 

"Is there a problem? " Shotaro asked before switching to look at the three of them. Donghyuck sighed. Poor him really didn't know what was going on. But it was fine. Donghyuck thought it wasn't supposed to be a problem anyway. 

"There's none, " Donghyuck decided to reply,despite the obvious protest on Mark's face. "Except, I have to clear out your room first, which might take all morning. Will that be okay for you? "

It was probably a good thing that his lease from his real apartment wasn't up yet, and it was even more of a blessing that he only took the necessary things with him when Mark offered his room back again. At least, it would be easier to move out. 

"Wait, what? No! " Mark answered. "You can't leave, and you can't go back to that place again! " He then proceeded to turn to Shotaro. "I'm sorry but there's a change of plans. You can't move here anymore. The room isn't available."

"Mark-hyung! " Jaemin and him scolded the older unison, especially when Shotaro reacted with a shock expression. 

"Isn't that a little too harsh? " Jaemin scolded his boyfriend. "What if he doesn't have any place to go? "

"That might as well be the case, considering he already brought all of his stuff here, " he seconded, before turning towards Shotaro. Poor guy seemed to be scared at the prospect of being thrown out. Donghyuck could only imagine what it was like to be in a foreign land and then suddenly, be confused about his supposed living situation. While he understood Mark's concern and shared them, it was also unfair to set Shotaro up in a situation he didn't deserve. Not to mention, it didn't seem very legal. 

"It's fine, " he reassured Shotaro before turning to Mark. "It's his room. I have my own apartment to live in, anyway. I'll be fine. "

"But you can't stay there, and I know you don't want to! " Mark argued back. 

What Mark said was true. When they came back to pick up his things, he couldn't help but shake and cry at the memory of everything that had happened in that apartment. But, still, it wasn't fair to let someone suffer just so he wouldn't. 

"He can stay with us! "

All of them immediately turned to Jaemin, surprised at his sudden offer. 

"Shotaro? " Mark immediately asked him. "Are you sure sure? Will Renjun be okay with that? "

Donghyuck quirked an eyebrow as Jaemin quickly became flustered, especially since he turned towards Donghyuck before averting his gaze and focusing them on Mark. 

"I uh," Jaemin stammered as he tried to make a quick reply. "Sorry. I actually thought of Donghyuck because, uh, you know Renjun knows him. But, uh, sure. I'll ask Renjun. "

Donghyuck was a little surprised at the suggestion and Jaemin's initiative to have him stay over at their place. Donghyuck wondered if it was a favor that Jaemin was doing for his boyfriend or just him not being able to deny help from a person in need. Maybe the latter was the right answer, considering the lengths he went through just to help Donghyuck. A debt he would never forget, and a debt that he didn't want to add anymore. What Jaemin did for him was already enough. 

"No, its really fine, " Donghyuck insisted. "I have a place of my own waiting for me. I'll be fine. It's unfair to send Shotaro away, and it's also unfair to bother you and Renjun again over this. "

"But—" Mark and Jaemin tried to argue but he held his hand up. 

"Hey, it's okay. I mean, he's gone now. He can't bother me. I know you're all worried but, I'll be fine. "

Mark let out a sigh. "You're not sure about that. Can't we just sit and talk about it more? Maybe we can all compromise. "

Donghyuck sighed back. "Hyung, there are only two rooms. " he reminded the older. "There's three of us. This apartment is going to be small for us."

"We can share! " Mark suggested immediately, clearly without giving it much thought. 

Donghyuck was flustered because sharing a room would also mean sharing a bed and it felt so inappropriate, especially since he's offering it right in front of his boyfriend. He wouldn't be surprised if Jaemin would feel offended. 

Donghyuck shifted a little to look at Jaemin, and was a little surprised to see the latter looking at him expectantly, as if hoping that he would entertain the suggestion. And Donghyuck could never understand how Jaemin could be okay with that or how Jaemin could even try to encourage him to give Mark another chance. 

"Right, I'm sorry, " Mark said as he finally realized what he said. "I really didn't mean to imply anything. I guess I was just desperate for a compromise. Sorry! "

Donghyuck could really see Mark being desperate, and the idea that Mark was being like that was because he was determined to take care of him was making him feel warm on the inside. But then again, all of Mark's actions in the past days made him feel that way. Donghyuck associated it with missing the older after cutting off contacts with him. He also associated it with the need for affection even though he told both himself and Mark that he wasn't really sure about what to do with Mark's confession. 

And Mark respected that. He didn't try to bring up the conversation again, although Donghyuck had a feeling that he was trying to translate that confession into action. 

"How about this, " Mark opened his mouth to speak yet another suggestion again. "We don't have to share the room, and neither you and Shotaro needs to leave and find another place to stay. "

"How would that be possible? "

Certainly, Shotaro wouldn't be willing to share a room with any of them, right? 

"It will be, if you'll have no problem with me taking over the common area. "

Donghyuck sighed as he realized what Mark was trying to suggest.  
"No, Mark-hyung, " he immediately tried to shot down the suggestion. "You can't stay in the living room. You're paying the rent. "

"Here me out, okay? " Mark argue back gently only for Donghyuck to roll his eyes. 

"This couch is uncomfortable! " Donghyuck described matter of factly, tapping the said furniture with his hand. "I fell asleep on it one time and my back ached. "

"Which is why it's not going to be you! "Mark replied to him immediately. 

Donghyuck groaned in protest. "You aren't sleeping on the couch in your own apartment, Mark Lee. I'll be embarrassed to let you! "

"And I am already embarrassed right now! " Mark countered before sighing. "Donghyuck, look. I was a mess. I guess I still am which was why I had completely forgotten about offering your room to Shotaro. I already promised to help you, to let you stay here so that you wouldn't be alone and so that you wouldn't have to stay at your place where you don't anymore feel comfortable. I honestly feel stupid right now. And desperate. Really desperate because I feel like I am about to break another promise again. "

Donghyuck couldn't believe their arguing about it. Most of all, he couldn't believe that they were arguing in front of Jaemin and a person they just met. 

"Just temporarily, " Mark begged. "Until we find better living arrangements. Until I fix this. "

Donghyuck pretended to roll his eyes. "But don't complain to me when you realize how uncomfortable this couch is. "

~☆~ 

"Are you sure you don't want me drive you home? It's already late, Angel. Will you be okay?" Mark asked worriedly as him and Donghyuck stood next to each other outside the apartment to send Jaemin off. The latter lingered longer that he initially planned as he too, extended help in moving Shotaro's things inside Mark's former room, and moving Mark's stuff in the living room. Well, at least those who could fit in there. Most were transferred into Donghyuck's room instead. 

"Don't worry, Renjun is coming to meet me at the shop across the street. It's not that far." Jaemin quickly reassured them. "I'll be fine. "

"If you insist, " Mark said reluctantly, although a little relieved at the idea of being able to rest after a tiring day. "Just message me if you're home already, okay?"

"Of course! " Jaemin replied before walking towards Mark to affectionately gave him a hug for his goodbye. Just when he was about to cup Mark's cheeks to probably kiss him, he instantly remember that Donghyuck was there. He immediately moved away and instead just waved at his boyfriend, leaving Mark confused until he, too, turned towards Donghyuck. Donghyuck felt out of place , as if he was as hindering something that's natural for the two of them. He couldn't help but feel that they were being so considerate when technically, they really didn't need to be. Especially Jaemin. They were the couple, not Mark and Donghyuck. Donghyuck couldn't help but think that it was a little unfair that Jaemin was trying to hold himself back for Donghyuck's sake. 

But then again, it was Jaemin, and Donghyuck still didn't know what's going inside his head other than he was trying his best not to hurt anybody. And again, maybe that's why Mark called him Angel. 

They headed back inside, only to be greeted back by the lump of blanket thrown on the couch and the large pillow that was supposed to be on Mark's bed. 

"I can take the couch, you know, " Donghyuck offered again, even though he could almost here Mark rejecting once again. "I mean, you're the one paying the rent and I am just crashing here. I don't think it is fair. "

"Nope! Not happening, "Mark said as he began settling down on the couch, trying to figure out the most comfortable position to sleep on it in order to end the conversation. "Besides, it's my fault anyway. I was so busy this week that I had forgotten about Shotaro. I mean, how could I ever forget about that? "

"You were busy, " he commented. "With school and with accompanying me around. "

"Yes. I guess I am just scared. I mean, I know that Seungho couldn't come to you, but, I guess I just want to make sure."

"You're babying me too much. " He said as he sat down on the chair next to the couch. He was trying to complain, although at the same time, he was just grateful for the efforts Mark had been giving him. It felt as if they were the Mark and Donghyuck from before. 

Mark chuckled. "Oh, you love that don't you? When I baby you? "

Donghyuck didn't reply as he revisited their memories. He loved it when Mark treated him that way. In the past. Maybe he loved it still. He just didn't know how to respond to Mark treating him that way. 

"How's your knuckles? " He decided to ask when his eyes landed on Mark's bandaged hand. 

Mark shrugged. "Hurts. But I finally know what Jaemin meant when he said it was worth it. "

Donghyuck lost himself in his memory once more. 

He remembered being afraid. He remembered shaking on their way to the precinct, as he tried to convince the others to just let it go. Deep inside, he knew what he had to do, but he was not as willing to face Seungho again. He was so scared, and despite knowing that he wouldn't be alone, he couldn't help but feel that he was going to fight on his own. 

It wasn't until they when finally made it there, and the officers presented them the very person he didn't want to see, and Mark reacted by surging forward to deliver a punch on Donghyuck's face, that Donghyuck suddenly felt the courage in numbers. He wasn't on his own after all. He didn't need to be. 

"Sorry about your hand, " he told him. "Your coach probably gave you a hard time. "

"He cursed at me, actually, " Mark replied, making Donghyuck feel a little guilty, before adding, "But then he praised me for putting that bastard in his place. I guess every athlete in the campus wasn't really a fan of him, including the coaches. So yeah. He was a notorious troublemaker. Still, his face was like steel. I can't believe I broke my knuckles. "

"Does it hurt that bad? "he asked worriedly. 

"A little. But it didn't hurt as much as the words he said after. "

Fucking Mark Lee trying to play the hero when he's no different than me. 

They all heard it. They watched him smirk triumphantly despite his busted lips while Jaemin clutched on Mark's hand. Donghyuck was too focused on his fears during that time that he had forgotten about it and how those words affected Mark. 

"Mark-hyung, you know how he is. If you let his words get to you, you're really going to—"

"No, it's fine, let me finish, " Mark interrupted him. "It wouldn't hurt as much if I don't think that it's true. Whenever I think about it, I guess it really was the truth. "

"Mark-hyung… " he tried to argue but Mark only smiled at his direction and raised his finger to stop him. 

"It's true. I never laid a hand on you and I would never think of doing it ever, but I wouldn't change the fact that I still did hurt you. 

"I dated you, and during those times, I thought I was doing the right thing even though putting a label in our relationship and doing couple things was just the bare minimum. I never made you feel loved. I never told you I love you. Then I cheated on you. Then I decided to date the person I cheated on you with, without considering your feelings. "

"I said yes, " he tried to counter, because he did remember saying yes to Mark, albeit reluctantly. 

"You said yes, " Mark affirmed. "But when did you ever say no to my happiness? I should have known better. No, I knew better. I knew, but I decided to brush off your feelings as something you can get over with, not realizing that I am already breaking you over and over again. So yes. He was kind of right. I don't get to play the hero. Honestly, I don't think I am. I am very much responsible as he is for hurting you. I'm sorry, Donghyuck. I said it before, and I'll continue to say it over and over again because I don't think any amount of apology would be enough. "

He could feel the sincerity from Mark's words. His regrets were real, and Donghyuck could see how sorry Mark had really been. It was probably something that he was accustomed to, something that he was so used to do, that he felt the urge to try and comfort Mark. To tell him that it was nothing. To tell him that it was okay. 

But maybe, Mark was right and Donghyuck shouldn't be unfair to himself this time. So no, he didn't say anything. Because really, what Mark did then wasn't okay. It was the time to acknowledge it.

So he stayed silent because he had no words to say. Because despite acknowledging what happened for what it was, he also didn't feel the need to rub it on Mark's face even more. 

"You're a lovely person, Donghyuck, " Mark confessed, and Donghyuck found himself unable to look at him. "And you don't know how much I regret not being able to make you feel that way. And right now, I don't want anything else than to be able to show you that. "

"I don't think I am ready, " He countered immediately, as he could almost hear where the conversation was heading. 

Because yes, he was still in love with Mark, and the idea that the latter was reciprocating his feelings was tempting. But he wasn't ready yet. He wasn't ready to jump in the waters and drown again. 

And Mark understood, because he nodded knowingly. "I know. I know and I am willing to wait. "

"But what if there's nothing even after you waited?"

Mark responded with a bitter smile in his face. "I'll be sad, but there's nothing I could do about it. But at least, I wouldn't regret not trying. "


	20. Color

Donghyuck could only wince as the strong scent of chemicals began making his eyes water. He had forgotten how it felt like, but he was quite sure that it felt worse than the first time, when actual professionals were doing the job. Sighing, Donghyuck craned his neck to look at the person behind him, but a hand immediately held his neck to stop him, accidentally smearing the offensive liquid on his skin. 

"No, don't! "

The person behind him let out a disappointed noise at the mess that Donghyuck accidentally made him create. 

"Now this is going to stain, " he continued to complain before grabbing a wash cloth to dab on his nape. Donghyuck grumbled at the sudden cold feeling. 

"Sorry, but it's kind of your fault you know? " the other person said with a chuckle. 

"But you're making me cry, Jaemin! I don't remember dying my hair to be this difficult, long and enduring. Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

Donghyuck was half teasing and half doubting Jaemin. He couldn't help but worry if he'd have hair left after they're done. 

Jaemin scoffed playfully. "Of course I do. I know what I'm doing and I am doing it for free."

"I have a feeling I would need hair transplant after this. that's going to be more expensive. "

Jaemin huffed. Donghyuck could feel the other rolling his eyes behind him. He let out a snicker. 

"Just a couple more minutes, Baby, then we'll wash your hair. Then you're going to thank me for using my skills on you." It was probably a blessing that Jaemin couldn't see his face at the moment, so that he would be spared of Donghyuck's flushed expression. It wasn't the first time that Jaemin had used such endearment for him, and Donghyuck was sure that just like the other times, it was accidental. A habit that Jaemin had subconsciously copied from Mark, as he had heard the latter accidentally call Donghyuck the same thing. Most of the time, Donghyuck tried to brush it off as nothing, especially since Jaemin was a naturally sweet person. 

Donghyuck had been wanting to dye his hair again for a long time. The roots had grown faster in a span of months, that the mismatched tone of his hair was already glaringly noticeable. 

He also wanted a change. The color reminded him so much of Seungho, especially since he was the one Donghyuck was with when he had it done at the salon. He didn't want anything that could remind him of that person, especially not one that he could see as he stare into a mirror. He wanted something new. Something that would scream that he was starting a new. 

While the salon had been his initial choice, Jaemin had been excited when he mentioned about it to him, to the point that he volunteered to do it himself. Donghyuck figured that it was a habit of Jaemin to volunteer to help other people, like him, with so much enthusiasm. Donghyuck didn't have the heart to say no and disappoint him. Besides, judging from Jaemin's blue and Renjun's blonde, Jaemin was pretty neat at doing the task. Donghyuck figured he could put his trust on him, and therefore save some cash while doing it. It probably also had something to do with him finding comforts at Jaemin's company, something that he never thought would be possible. 

But then a lot of things had changed. 

He felt Jaemin combing his hair gently but precisely. He tried to relax at the feeling of the combs teeth softly scratching his scalp, while he recalled everything that happened in the last months. 

It was honestly disappointing, and admittedly scary at first, when the judge had only given Seungho a probation, after the said person plead guilty and admitted to being drunk when the events happened. He said he didn't know what he was doing, which was obviously a lie, and Donghyuck knew it. Unfortunately, the system was much more flawed than they initially hope it would be. And while the court ordered that he couldn't be near Donghyuck, the fear still remained, especially since Donghyuck had learned from Xiaojun what else Seungho was capable of. He wasn't the only one scared and angry. There's Mark, Jaemin, Renjun, Xiaojun, Mark's teammates and Donghyuck's friends, those whom he thought he already lost forever. 

As it turned out, despite knowing how they would react to him, Mark still took on the job of approaching Hina, Ko Eun, Hyerin and Lami. He didn't say anything to them about what really happened, giving Donghyuck the option whether to tell them or not. He only mentioned about Donghyuck needing his friends at the moment, and that it was his fault why Donghyuck avoided them. In Donghyuck's opinion, it wasn't entirely the truth. He just didn't like anybody questioning his and Mark's relationship then, even if he partially knew that there was a lot of things wrong with it. 

Donghyuck ended up telling them everything. They made up. Donghyuck apologized for cutting them off completely, and his friends apologized for being too hard on him and not being there when he needed them the most. They still believed that Mark was an ass, and that Donghyuck deserved better. Although this time, they promised to be there for him regardless if they agree or not with his choices. 

And then there was Donghyuck's family, whom at first, he didn't want to involve. But news travelled faster than Donghyuck could ever make a choice. There were a lot of confusion on their part, and Donghyuck figured they had the right to be confused. 

What boyfriend? Wasn't Mark your boyfriend? 

You were saved by Mark's what? But aren't you his boyfriend? 

But all of those questions were over-ridden by concern for his safety and well-being. They almost made him drop out, just so he could stay far away from Seungho. But Seungho did it first, and from what Donghyuck knew, he was on the verge of expulsion anyway as Renjun took the initiative to inform the Dean and the University President. He didn't know about Seungho's whereabouts, but he was guessing and hoping he was far away from him. 

He ended up staying… with Mark. Because despite knowing about the break up, Donghyuck's family didn't know about the entire details. To them, Mark was a family, and would remain to be one, and there was no one they could entrust him with other than Mark. Mark felt guilty at their kind treatment. And while Donghyuck would later on tell Mark that the reason why he didn't tell them anything about what really happened between them was because he was tired and he didn't want anymore confrontation, he knew deep inside that there were more reasons to it. They were Mark's family, too. They had been for years. But that wouldn't stop them from making a choice between him and Mark.

Donghyuck tried to navigate his life from then on. Of course, he was scared of Seungho popping out in front of him out of nowhere, but he couldn't leave in fear forever. Between them, Seungho should be the one who should be scared more, as one wrong move would certainly lead him to jail time. Donghyuck had classes to attend, and a life to live. He shouldn't let Seungho continue to hinder his life. 

Days went on fast, and Donghyuck preoccupied himself with school works and entertained himself by spending time with his friends, Shotaro being one of them. Honestly, he felt a little sad when the time came for his Japanese friend to pack his things and move to a college dorm, which was far more convenient for him than the apartment. They still kept in touch and continued to meet up from time to time. At least, Mark got his room back and which stoped Donghyuck from pitying him every morning. Not once did Mark ever complained to him but it was obvious that he was having a hard time sleeping on the couch. Jaemin bought him an inflatable bed, and Donghyuck felt guilty that he hadn't thought about it first. But then again, it wasn't a competition. If Mark could sleep better, then it didn't matter who gave him what he needed. 

Besides, there was never a competition. 

Not anymore. Maybe it was because he had gotten close to Jaemin already, that he hadn't seen his actions towards Mark in a negative light. Or maybe it was because of Mark's confession and the way that he was treating Donghyuck better than he ever did before. 

Mark had been there for him like he promised. From inviting him to be in the apartment once again, to making sure that he felt safe and comfortable at all times. He was there, and Donghyuck never had to ask. He was there, to wake up at six in the morning to have breakfast with Donghyuck and to walk with him towards the university, even when he didn't have a class until noon, and even when he stayed up all night to finish some research works. He was there, to talk with Donghyuck, when anxiety was kicking in and sleep wasn't anywhere to be found. Even if the bags on his eyes were turning gray, and his eyelids were weighing heavy, he'd stay awake and engage Donghyuck in a random conversation, just so he could distract Donghyuck until he finally relax and calm down and let drowsiness take over him. 

For some, it was probably nothing. For Donghyuck, it was enough to make him feel warm. Or maybe he just really crave those attentions from Mark. Nothing much had changed about his feelings. Maybe nothing ever will. 

Mark confessed to him again. It was an accident. The two of them were watching a movie on Mark's laptop. He had forgotten what it was about but he remembered laughing about one witty line from the actor. It was probably the first time he had laughed freely again. And then Mark said it. He told Donghyuck that he was in love with him, again. He blurted it out of nowhere, surprising them both. Mark was flustered whe he realized. They didn't talk about it anymore. They didn't talk about it again. 

They weren't dating, and Mark never asked him about it. A part of him was wondering if perhaps, he's misreading the signs, and Mark wasn't really interested like he initially made Donghyuck believed. But Mark's actions were telling him otherwise, from his subtle touches to his longing gazes. 

And Donghyuck realized what exactly was going on. Mark was respecting boundaries, the boundaries that Donghyuck had created because he said that he wasn't ready. 

But after waiting so much, after considering everything, and asking himself if he really wanted to do this again, and if he really was ready to share Mark with someone else, he already made up his decision. 

Many wouldn't agree with him that it was the right decision. And maybe it wasn't. But it was what Donghyuck wanted to do. 

Jaemin knew about it as he was the first person Donghyuck had talked to. Although Jaemin had told him several times that he was okay with it, Donghyuck wanted to make sure. 

"I think this is enough, " Jaemin told him, while giving his head another massage. "Let's wash your hair. "

Donghyuck playfully sighed as he moved his neck from side to side. "Finally. I thought I would end up sleeping here."

Jaemin chuckled. "Don't worry. I'll make sure to bring you a blanket if that's the case. "

Donghyuck let Jaemin lead him to the sink where the latter nudged him to bend his head down. 

"Please don't stain the bathroom floor, " he requested, thinking about how hard it would be to remove dye stain on tiles. 

"So many orders, " Jaemin replied while feigning annoyance. 

Donghyuck hissed as he felt the cold water pouring on his head as Jaemin began to wash his hair, his gentle fingers combing on to his strands and rubbing against his scalp. Donghyuck began to relax. 

Everything about Jaemin was soft and gentle, especially his hands. He had a hard time remembering that those very hands also knew how to punch. Maybe it was a one time thing, or something that was reserved only for emergencies. Jaemin's hands were made for this, for feather like touches sweet gestures. 

"Did you fall asleep? " Jaemin asked with a chuckle when the water stopped pouring. 

He faked a yawn, which caused Jaemin to laugh amusedly, before checking his reflection on the mirror. "I don't see any changes, Jaemin. "

"Of course you can't," Jaemin replied as his his hands reaches out to gently ruffle his wet hair, droplets of water sticking to the mirror. "We still have to dry it. "

"If this turns out ugly, I swear, " he teased as Jaemin handed him his towel. 

"As if you are capable of being ugly. "

Donghyuck blushed. One thing he learned about Jaemin, was that he's not shy about giving compliments. Sometimes, it would just rain randomly, and Donghyuck found it so hard to get used to. These random comments never failed to make his heart rattle. 

"Do you have a hair dryer? " Jaemin asked. 

"I have one in my room. " 

Jaemin hummed. "We might need to use it."

Donghyuck just allowed Jaemin to pull him out of the bathroom, leaving the mess they made behind. His eyes trained on Jaemin's hand around his wrist and found himself smiling as they made their way to his room. 

Somehow, Mark's protectiveness of him must have rubbed off on his boyfriend, that a lot of times, he found Jaemin's hand around his wrist or around his shoulder. It was a little surprising at first, but Donghyuck learned to get used to it. 

If anything, Donghyuck was a little scared that he's starting to become too comfortable with it. He might miss the gesture when Jaemin finally decided to stop. 

Jaemin made him sit in front of his vanity, a random gift from Mark, although it was too upscale to be even be called random. Donghyuck sometimes wondered if Mark was draining his savings for him just to prove something. 

"Let me, "Jaemin snatched the hairdryer away from his hand when he tried to do it himself. 

"I can do it, though, " he argued. 

"Yeah, but I want to do it."

Donghyuck rolled his eyes, but nevertheless smiled as he let Jaemin take over. He wanted to feel Jaemin's hand on his hair once again. 

It all started out as a simple crush, Donghyuck would later on admit it to himself. After all, he viewed Jaemin as a hero, his saviour. His knight in shining armor. It was so easy to be infatuated with him. 

Donghyuck thought he could easily get over it, but he was wrong, especially since Jaemin was always around him and continuously being kind to him. Sometimes, Donghyuck couldn't help but feel that it wasn't just because of Mark that Jaemin continued to spend time with him. Sometimes, Donghyuck wondered if Jaemin genuinely enjoyed being with him, too. 

Of course, that could also be just his feelings speaking. 

For all he knew, maybe Jaemin was still feeling responsible for him after saving him once. Donghyuck was probably just reading too much into his actions, and giving meaning towards everything.. 

"Uh, Hyuck, I think there's a little bit of problem. "

Donghyuck wasn't sure how long he had been distracted that he closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Jaemin's hand caressing his hair. When he opened his eyes, he was greeted by the image of himself and his newly dyed hair. Only, the color wasn't the one he was expecting it would turn out to be. 

"Oh no! " he exclaimed as he touched his purple colored hair. His past decisions flashing into his eyes, as he began to think of a way to remove the dye immediately. 

Lemon? Bleach? Cover it with another dye? 

"I'm pretty sure that the box said it's ash brown, " Jaemin said while setting the dryer down. He eas biting his lips and furrowing his eyebrows i confusion."I wonder if I did something wrong or if there was a mistake in the label. "

The thing was, Donghyuck couldn't afford to make any mistake, especially with his hair. He didn't want to ruin his appearance, especially since he was planning on asking Mark out. It might be superficial, but he just wanted everything to be serious and perfect. Who would take someone with purple hair seriously? 

"It looks good on you though," Jaemin tried to console Donghyuck as the former run his fingers on the latter's hair. They didn't feel tangled, dry or brittle. But it was still the wrong color. 

"I look like that Tinky Winky, " He replied dryly as his mind began to panic. "The only reason I'll look good with this hair is if I am a mascot. "

"Don't be silly! " Jaemin argued back. "It looks good on you! I honestly think it suits you well, and not everybody can pull off this hair color! "

"You're just saying that! " Donghyuck whined. "If Mark sees this then he'll probably laugh. He wouldn't even take my confession seriously. "

He doubted it that was indeed the going to be the case, and he highly doubted that Mark would be that shallow. 

But still, he's panicking, and it felt like the right time to exaggerate. 

"Mark and I are going to have a fight if he laughs. You look pretty! "

Donghyuck turned around to face him. "I look funny! "

Jaemin leaned closer, they're faces mere inches away, that Donghyuck could feel his breath fanning on his skin. 

"Do I have to kiss you to convince you that you look good? "

Donghyuck froze. For a moment he let himself be lost in Jaemin's eyes. His breath hitched when he saw Jaemin's gaze move lower and focused on his lips. He closed his own eyes in anticipation. 

"Haha. Just kidding. I'll just be in Mark's room. Call me if you need anything! "

~☆~

He crossed the line. 

That was the first thing that Jaemin thought about once he retreated inside Mark's room, where he began to berate himself for crossing boundaries. He shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't have joked about that, especially when it wasn't even a really a joke in the first place. 

He sighed as he plopped down on Mark's bed, regretting how he had lead himself to be in this situation. 

Jaemin never planned to catch feelings for Donghyuck. He never did. Sure, he thought Donghyuck was cute the first time he saw him, and sure, he wanted to surround him with cute things and wrap him in a soft, fluffy blanket, but he never intended to fall for him at all. 

Initially, he only wanted to be on good terms with Donghyuck, especially in the earlier days of his and Mark's relationship. He wanted to be in an amiable relationship with him, to avoid causing problems. But then, things happened. Things happened and Jaemin found himself doing everything he could to help and save him. 

Those were the dark days, and they all finally overcame everything. Donghyuck and him were in a much better situation than they used to before. Donghyuck was safe, him and Mark were patching up their relationship. Donghyuck and him were friends. Sort of. Everything was turning out the way they all wanted it to be since the very beginning. 

But even so, Jaemin found himself caring about Donghyuck, more than he was expected to. He found himself growing attached to the other boy, but he mostly associated it with him wanting to establish a strong friendship with Mark's other beloved. As far as he was concerned, that was all there was to it. 

It didn't take him by surprise that Renjun was the first one to notice his actions, and put label into them. He was even more less surprised that Renjun had confronted him about it. 

"Are you catching feelings for Donghyuck? "

He tried to deny it at first. He was just trying to be friends, right? He just wanted them to be close, because like Jaemin, Donghyuck was important to Mark. 

There were some instances when he felt himself being jealous of Mark and Donghyuck's interaction, and for a while, he didn't know why. After all, despite Mark trying to win Donghyuck's affection back, he never put Jaemin on the side. He never neglected him, and Jaemin was so proud of him for learning how to work their relationship better. 

It was later on that he realized what he was really jealous of— he wanted to do things for Donghyuck, too. He wanted to take him out on a date. He wanted to shower him with gifts. He wanted to cuddle with him. 

He knew he shouldn't have, but he decided to indulge himself with little things involving Donghyuck. He began volunteering with to accompany him whenever Mark couldn't. 

He began cooking for Donghyuck. While he always cooked for Mark before, and the latter most likely shared it with Donghyuck, he decided to learn about Donghyuck's favorite and began including them in his food gifts. 

He began buying him small treats, which mostly consisted of bubble tea and pastries. 

He began holding his hand, excusing it as him not wanting to lose the other in public. He used the same excuse over and over again, until Donghyuck stopped asking and grew accustomed to it, that he never batted an eye even if Jaemin did it in private. 

He began calling him "baby", although it wasn't intentional. Most of the time, it was just a slip of tongue, and he was quite glad that Donghyuck never paid attention to it. (Maybe he was a little disappointed, but well, it was better for all of them that way.) 

But that was it. That was all there was to it. Donghyuck was planning to ask Mark out again and Jaemin was happy for them. They deserved another chance. He wouldn't, and shouldn't allow himself to be selfish about it and prioritize his own feelings. 

He never wanted to confess. It never crossed his mind. Besides, he didn't think Donghyuck would feel the same, and honestly he was scared. He was scared that Donghyuck would feel pressured into returning his feelings out of fear that rejecting him might affect their overall dynamics. The last thing that Jaemin ever wanted, was to cause Donghyuck to agree into something that he really didn't want in the first place. 

And then there was Mark. He had been trying so hard to prove Donghyuck how much he was in love with him, and it would be so wrong for Jaemin to try and butt in their relationship, and risk ruining what they both worked hard for. 

He had to stay silent. He was determined to. But then, he had to make that one mistake. 

Jaemin used Mark's pillow to cover his face as he groaned in frustration. Donghyuck probably thought he was a creep. How could he say that and invade his personal space. He wouldn't be surprised if Donghyuck would began avoiding him. Worse, Donghyuck would tell Mark about it. 

But then again, Mark already probably knew. Mark already caught him staring more than once, although unlike Renjun, Mark didn't confront him about it, so he still didn't know what the other think. 

Jaemin heard three knocks on the door. He prayed to God that it was Mark who wanted access to his own room. It was highly unlikely as Mark invited Renjun to hang out with him, an offer that Renjun reluctantly accepted. Maybe he should have gone with his boyfriends instead of dying Donghyuck's hair with the wrong color. He could have saved himself from the entire situation. 

When Jaemin didn't respond, the person outside didn't anymore wait for an answer. The door creaked open, Jaemin prepared for the worst, especially when the voice confirmed who the person on the other side of the door was. "Jaemin? "

Jaemin suppress a whine as he heard Donghyuck's footstep drawing closer to him. A confrontation was brewing, but he wasn't ready to confront his feelings. 

"Are you okay? " He heard Donghyuck asking worriedly as he stopped right at the foot of the bed. 

Hesitantly, Jaemin schooled his expression before finally removing the pillow away from his face. "Yes. " Jaemin winced as his voice cracked. He felt his cheeks heating up. 

Donghyuck stared at him, clearly unconvinced, although he decided to not comment about it. 

"So I looked in the mirror for about thirty minutes, " Donghyuck said, while combing his fingers on his newly dyed hair. Jaemin tried not to swoon. It really looked good on him. Pretty. Really, really pretty. "I think it's not as bad as I initially thought. "

"I told you so, " he simply replied, before he could go on and give the other a parade of compliments about how he was one of the most perfect person Jaemin had ever met. 

Donghyuck continued to look at Jaemin, which in turn made him feel self-conscious about himself. 

"You look a little red," Donghyuck pointed out. "Are you sure you're okay? "

"Yes, " Jaemin managed to croak, before coughing to clear his throat. He forced himself to smile. 

Donghyuck's eyes remained on him, while shifting his weight from one leg to another. He was hesitating if he wanted to speak or not. 

"Can we talk, Jaemin? "

Jaemin wanted to bolt out of the door and to run away from the situation he created. But at the same time, he wanted to salvage the friendship they had, even if it meant he had to go through with the struggle of apologizing just so Donghyuck wouldn't think that he was taking advantage of their closeness. 

He scrambled to get into a sitting position, before giving out the apology that he first came up with. 

"I'm sorry, please kiss me! "

I'm sorry for trying to kiss you, please forgive me, was what he really intended to say, but alas, it was probably Jaemin's unlucky day. Even his own tongue was betraying him. 

Jaemin's mind ran in circle as he tried to say something, or rather, to take back wha he said. But he couldn't trust himself not to embarrass himself in front of Donghyuck again. 

"Do you really want to? " Donghyuck asked him, and it sounded so much like a dare. A dare that didn't feel real at all to Jaemin. 

"What? " Jaemin subtly pinch his hip, just so he could check if he was dreaming, only to yelp in pain. So did Donghyuck really said what Jaemin heard him say? 

Donghyuck only sighed in response before sitting down at the end of the bed. He made sure there was enough space between the two of them before deciding to speak again. "Jaemin, I think I like you. "

Jaemin froze in place. 

"Sorry," Donghyuck nervously chuckled. "That was wrong. I like you, Jaemin. And I'm wondering if ever… if ever you like me, too?"

Jaemin stiffened as he stared at Donghyuck in surprise, unable to say anything out of pure shock. 

Donghyuck tried to laugh to make the situation feel lighter, but the air in the room remained thick. "I mean, I like you, and I know it started only as a crush. You… you saved me. I guess the crush started out during that day. But then, you continued to treat me well. You're so nice and sweet, and I couldn't help but be attracted to you. And then sometimes… sometimes I feel like I am not the only one feeling this way. Am I right to think that way? "

Donghyuck looked at him with a shy but hopeful expression. But Jaemin was too surprised by the confession that he had forgotten how to speak and move. 

When Jaemin still took too long to respond, Donghyuck took it as rejection. He began to stand up while covering his face in embarassment. "Oh my God, Jaemin, I'm sorry. I didn't know what got into me. Let's just forget I ever said that please! "

Jaemin finally gained back his ability to move. He immediately reached out and grasped Donghyuck's hand to prevent the latter from leaving. 

"Hyuck, I like you, too! "

Donghyuck smiled bitterly before nodding. "Okay. Sorry, I misread th signs. Wait… what did you say? "

"I said, I like you, too! "

The look of surprise lingered on Donghyuck's face before it broke into a smile. "You do? "

Jaemin nodded before patting the space next to him and pulling Donghyuck gently to sit back down next to him. "I do. I really like you Donghyuck. I honestly don't know when it started. At first, I'm just trying to be close to you because of Mark. I… I never expected that I'll grow attach, and I never expected that I'll be attracted to you, but I guess I always thought you're cute from the very beginning. I like spending time with you. I like being around you, and I really want more. But I didn't know you'll like me, too. You… you used to hate me, and it's understandable for you to feel that way. I hurt you. Donghyuck, are you sure? Are you sure about liking me? Why would you like me?"

"What do you mean why? Why not? " Donghyuck asked back. "You're probably the sweetest person I ever met, Jaemin. You're so good to me, so sweet, kind and caring. I'm not even your boyfriend! What more if… if… I really like you. You and your pretty hair. I like the way you hold my hand when we walk out in public, or the way you pull me by the shoulder when the crowd was too much for me to handle. I like your foods. And I know you already gave me your recipes, but it didn't taste the same if it's not from you. I like sitting next to you, and I like it when you subconsciously play with my hair. I wanted to do the same, but I am always too shy to do anything. I don't like it whenever I see you and Mark kissing each other, but it's not only for the reason you may think. I want one from him, and I want one from you, too. I… I just really like you so much, Jaemin. "

"But you used to hate me, " Jaemin bitterly reminded him. "And you were right for hating me. Are you sure that you're not just confused? "

"I know. And I never thought I would feel this way towards you. It just happened. You did hurt me in the past. You and Mark. But I chose to forgive both of you. "

"Do you really like me? For real? "

"Oh my God, Jaemin, I already told you! " Donghyuck exclaimed. His cheeks were dusted red from both the embarrassment and frustrations. "You're not hard to like. Not that I really planned to feel that way. It just happened. It's your fault so deal with it! "

At that, Jaemin couldn't help but chuckle, especially when Donghyuck covered his face in embarassment. 

"You're cute. "

"I hate you. "

"I thought you like me? "

"You're just trying to make me say it again! "

"Fine, fine, " Jaemin said before prying Donghyuck's hand away from his face. "I like you, too. "

Donghyuck sighed before playfully slapping Jaemin's hand away. "So what now? " Jaemin hummed in response. "You like me and I like you. What now? "

"We'll try to do it right this time. Wr have to talk to Renjun and Mark. "

"Do you can think they'll be okay with it? " 

"Hopefully. "

"Can we hug? "

"I wanted to for a long time. "


	21. Gifts

Renjun groaned internally as Mark rushed towards the toy section, the latter picking out two identical looking bears. Renjun dragged his feet to get to where the other was. 

"How about this? " Mark asked giving Renjun a hopeful look. Renjun didn't respond, but his facial expression was enough for Mark to understand his disapproval. 

"Come on, Renjun, they will like it! They both love cuddles. Maybe I can name one Mark and one Minhyung, or maybe they can both be Marks or Minhyungs. You don't think they'll love it? "

Renjun just rolled his eyes before crossing his arms. Honestly, Renjun was starting to think about leaving him in his own, had he not been worried about Jaemin being disappointed at Mark's not well thought of gift. "At this rate, their rooms will most likely look similar with all this identical gifts you're giving them. And what's with naming them after you? That's so narcissistic."

Mark pouted, but nevertheless returned the bear in their shelves. "But if I give them different gifts, one might feel jealous because they'll think the other gift is prettier. I don't want any of them to feel like I'm favoring one over the other. I love them both. I just don't want any complications in this relationship anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone."

Renjun huffed. "Are you blind that you couldn't see how much the two of them are getting along well? " 

Mark could really be stupid at times, especially in noticing changes, changes that were so obvious, especially for Renjun's observant eyes. 

Donghyuck and Jaemin's relationship was far from how they were before. Donghyuck wasn't anymore cautious around Jaemin, and Renjun would dare say that the former loved being around the latter. The same was true for Jaemin as well. 

There was something blooming between the two of them, and Renjun wouldn't label it as friendship. He knew Jaemin so well, and Donghyuck was so easy to read. It was easy to notice the attraction and affection they're harboring for each order. He was quite surprised that Mark was still oblivious to all of this. But the again, Renjun shouldn't be. Mark was a stupid human after all. 

"We're already running out of time. It's a week before Christmas, " Mark said in a panicked voice. "We still don't have gifts to give them. "

"You don't, " Renjun corrected him. "I already got Jaemin a gift. "

Renjun wasn't one to enjoy mundane holidays that the human race invented. He didn't get what was so special with giving gifts during Christmas, when they could give each other gifts on any other day. But whatever. Jaemin loved Christmas, and Renjun wasn't selfish to ruin something because he couldn't get it. 

Besides, they all needed a day to uplift their spirits, especially with the things they experienced and overcame during the year. 

Mark and Donghyuck already made up, obviously, although they still weren't putting a stupid label to their relationship. Renjun and Jaemin both took steps to protect themselves from their family, a topic that Mark and Donghyuck learned a bit too late, and thus felt sorry about for not being of any help. Seungho was still in probation even if Renjun still wanted to write his name in the deathnote. Things seemed to be getting better for all of them, hence they deserved a day to be happy and not worry about anything. 

Anything. 

Including Mark overthinking once again. 

"Hey, Renjun, can I ask you something? "

"The bear is still a bad choice, Mark."

Mark chuckled, only for him to receive a glare from Renjun. He cleared his throat. 

"It's not that. " he clarified. "I just want to know your opinion. "

"Hence why I'm here, right?" He replied again as they made it to the clothing section of the mall, where Renjun began to search for two items he was looking for. "Your gift ideas still sucks. "

Mark turned to him and pouted, only to get zero sympathy from Renjun. Mark sighed. 

"Actually, I wanted your opinion on something else. " 

Renjun turned to him and tilted his head, encouraging the other to speak. 

"How do you think I am doing? "

Renjun raised his eyebrow. "Elaborate. "

"With my relationship with Jaemin and Donghyuck. Am I doing good? Am i doing things right? Do you think I am hurting one or both of them without me noticing? Do you think they know how much I love them? Do you—?

Renjun raised a hand to stop Mark from rambling. Renjun shook his head to stop as he felt headache coming. 

Argh, Mark. 

A part of him wanted to say that he was doing everything wrong, just to be mean, and maybe to get back at the other for all the troubles his stupidity had caused them all. But then, he was kind of afraid that Mark would try to do something stupid again out of panic. 

Besides, Renjun had to admit. Mark was acting less stupid recently, excluding the time when he attacked Seungho at the station and almost got charges of his own. Mark hadn't made Jaemin worry or cry recently, so Renjun figured he could be nice. 

"They're both obviously happy, if that's what you want to know, " he replied. "So I think, you're doing okay. Just don't do anything stupid again that can cause disturbance in our already peaceful group. "

Renjun grimaced after realizing what he had said. Mark seemed to have realized to, so he started to smile like an idiot, a smile that Renjun wanted to punch away from his face. 

Fine. So what if Renjun said they were a group? It was technically true. While he was only dating Jaemin, and he had no plan on dating Donghyuck or Mark, he was still stuck with all of them. It didn't mean that he cared about the two, though. Maybe only a little, but they didn't need to know that. 

"So about the gift, " Mark scratched the back of his neck. "I think I know what I want to get them. Do you think you'll be fine if I'm going to go ahead and get them? "

Renjun glared at him. Trust Mark to take him shopping, only to ditch him when he didn't need him anymore. 

"Whatever, " he replied, waving him off. "As long as Jaemin wouldn't spend a week wallowing in disappointment. "

"I surely hope he wouldn't, " Mark murmured before running of to the exit. 

Renjun watched him leave until he was sure that the latter was out of sight. He let out a relieved sigh. 

Now, where was he? 

Renjun went from shelf to shelf until he found the two items he was looking for. He scanned them for any damage before making his way to the cashier, all while telling himself that he didn't care. He just had spare money to spend. 

It wasn't like he found two new people to care about. 

~☆~

With all the things that happened, Mark didn't expect that he would be able to spend Christmas like this, surrounded by his newly found family, which didn't change but only grew in numbers.

Normally, Christmas was celebrated with Donghyuck family, as Mark's own parents never tried to make time for him during he holidays. That was supposed to be their plan that year as well, because Mark was still welcome despite the break up. Granted, they didn't know the entire truth about it. If they did, then Mark was sure that that wouldn't be the case anymore. Worse, they wouldn't want him anywhere near Donghyuck. 

It wasn't long since they found out more about Jaemin and Renjun's relationship with their respective families from them. Both of them felt guilty of the prospect of leaving them on their own. It was then decided that they would celebrate Christmas together. 

He didn't expect it was possible for him to be this happy at all. 

It was hard not to. Not when he's with the two people he love and with a new friend he knew he could confide on. There was nothing more that Mark could ever asked for. 

Or maybe there was. 

Of course, the only wish he had was to be Donghyuck's boyfriend again, but he also understood that Donghyuck needed time to process whether he was still willing to have Mark that way again. For the moment, Mark was contented with seeing him happy and seeing him everyday. With everything that had happened, he knew, he was lucky to still have Donghyuck near. 

"So, gifts, " Jaemin said with a sparkling eyes, as the four of them settled on the apartment of Mark and Donghyuck's living room, having just filled themselves with their Christmas dinner, consisting of take outs and a coffee cake from Jaemin. "Isn't it time to unwrap them already? "

Donghyuck laughed before crossing his arms on his chest, pretending to scold Jaemin. "My, my. You couldn't even wait, don't you? " He teased, only for Jaemin to retaliate by pinching his cheeks. 

"As if you're any different. Like I haven't caught you sneaking into Mark-hyung's room to search for your gift. "

"You caught me because your were looking WITH me. "

Mark couldn't help but be amused at the two's interaction. He never expected for the two of them to be this close, and he was glad to see them act friendly towards each other. Nothing makes Mark feel happier than to see both of them getting along. 

"So gifts, " Jaemin repeated, much to all of their amusement. "I'm not sure about the rest of you but I am dying to see your reaction with mine. Can I go first? "

"Fine, fine, go ahead, and be done with it, " Renjun replied while trying to feign disinterest. 

Jaemin immediately pulled out a paper bag behind him and took out three small boxes, before giving them to the three of them one by one. "Open it, please? "

"Hmm, what could it be? " Mark asked as he picked up the box and tried to shake it.

It was easy to guess base on the box that it was jewelry, the brand pretty much gave it away. Nevertheless, Mark didn't feel less surprised when he opened the box and saw a silver ring, inside of it. He immediately pulled it out and scan it for a better look. He noticed his and Jaemin's initials were engraved inside. His cheeks immediately rose up as he wore it on his ring finger, eyes automatically searching for Jaemin's to thank him. 

"You like it? " Jaemin asked, suddenly feeling unsure of his choice. 

"It's beautiful, Jaemin! Thank you. "

"Please wear it always. I also have my own, " Jaemin said before pulling out his own ring from his pocket. "I also have all of our initials engraved on it, so that I can take all of you wherever I go. "

All? 

Mark wasn't anymore surprised to see Renjun sporting the same ring on his finger, but he was quite surprised to see Donghyuck wearing one. Donghyuck looked a little surprised too, and was shooting Jaemin a confused look. Mark decided to just brush it off as Jaemin not wanting Donghyuck to feel left out. 

"Thank's love, " Renjun murmured as he leaned closer to Jaemin to kiss his cheeks, causing the latter to blush. "I love it. I hope you will like my gift, too. "

Renjun picked up the rectangular gift that was sitting beside him and gave it to Jaemin. "Be careful. You wouldn't want to ruin your gift. "

Jaemin carefully peeled off the wrapper as Renjun instructed, until it finally revealed a portrait of Jaemin, with the pink hair he had before. 

They all stared in awe as they looked at the realistic looking artwork that no doubt took a lot of Renjun's time and effort. 

"Renjun it's … " Jaemin stopped, feeling lost for words. "When—"

"This is why you're not allowed in my room for a while, " Renjun said with a chuckle. "But since I'm guessing you love it, I guess it was worth it. "

"I love it, Renjun! Thank you! "Jaemin exclaimed, hugging the portrait to his chest. "And I love you. "

"I love you, too, " Renjun replied with a fond smile on hs lips. "Please always smile like the version of you in the portrait. "

Renjun then turned to him and Donghyuck. "As for the two of you, " He said before throwing a paper bag at their direction for them to catch. "I had some spare cash, I thought I'll get you something. "

"Oh, these are ours? " Donghyuck decided to tease. "I thought all of them are for Jaemin. "

Mark would have loved to join Donghyuck in his teasing, but he figured he'll cut Renjun some slacks. He opened the paper bag and took out the new cap that Renjun got for him. 

"A cap for you, and A hoodie for Donghyuck. Generic gifts because I don't really care. "

Donghyuck giggled. "Am I just supposed to pretend that you didn't see me check this hoodie out when you accompanied me to the mall, or that I didn't mention to you how much Mark loves to collect caps? "

Renjun blushed but he remained silent. Mark decided not to make fun of him anymore and just thank him for it. Donghyuck did so as well, although in a teasing manner. 

"Thank you even if you don't care! "

"Whatever, " Renjun waved him off. 

"Okay, so who's next? "Jaemin asked, switching from looking between Mark and Donghyuck. 

"Can I go last? " Donghyuck asked him, and Mark figured he had no reason to object to that. 

"I honestly think Jaemin and I have the same brain cells, " he commented as he presented three identical boxes, bearing the same brand as the ring Jaemin got for all of them. Unlike Jaemin, he decided to give it to them one by one, starting with Renjun, who looked genuinely surprised that Mark got him something. 

"Renjun, thank you for being a good friend, even if you don't consider me as such. Your advices really helped me a lot, so I hope you wouldn't get tired of helping me. "

Renjun avoided his eyes. "I'm already tired of you, so don't expect anything more from me. "

Mark chuckled. 

Renjun tried so hard to look disinterested with the simple bracelet that Mark got for him, but the way that his eyes widened was enough for Mark to sigh in relief. 

Renjun stared with the bracelet on his hands, until Jaemin elbowed him and broke him from his trance. 

Only then did Renjun turned to Mark and stuttered. "T-thank you."

Mark moved on to the next gift. "Jaemin, this one is for you, " Mark said, opening the box up himself and presenting the content to Jaemin. "It's an angel necklace. "

Jaemin stared in awe. 

"From the very first time I saw you, I thought you were an angel. And honestly, I don't think I am wrong. Each day, you only give me more reason's to believe that you are one. Thank you for being a good person that you are, and I hope that the world will be as kind to you, because you deserve it. "

Jaemin teared up a bit, as he slowly rose up from the floor and walk around the room to get to Mark and hug him. 

"Thank you, hyung! I love it. Can you please put it on me? "

"Sure, angel. "

Mark picked the silver jewelry and put it around Jaemin's neck. The latter immediately grasped the pendant with his fingers. "I love you, hyung. "

"I love you, too, angel. "

Mark waited for Jaemin to return to his place beside Renjun, before turning his attention to Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck was looking at him with anticipation, that Mark decided not to prolong his wait anymore. 

"Baby, " he started, only for Donghyuck to interrupt him. 

"Please tell me it's not a baby pendant, or else…"

Mark chuckled. "My gift ideas aren't that bad. "

Renjun snorted. 

Mark decided to ignore their teasing by opening up the box and showing it to Donghyuck. "See? It's not a baby. "

"It's not, " Donghyuck acknowledge as he took out the necklace from the box. "A jigsaw puzzle piece? "

Mark nodded. 

"You've always been a part of me, Donghyuck, and I was stupid to not realize how big of a part you are. I will never be complete without you, and no other person could ever fit in your place. There will only be one Donghyuck in my life, and I do know that now. I promise to take care of you and give you all of the love you deserve. "

Donghyuck was biting his lips as he stayed silent. Mark could see the tears peeking on the corners of his eyes. 

"Want me to wear it on you? "

Donghyuck nodded. "Please. "

Donghyuck turned so his back was facing Mark, as as the latter put the necklace around his neck. "I will always love you, baby, " he murmured, for only the two of them to hear. 

Donghyuck hummed in response before managing to say a strangled thank you. 

"Now I feel ashamed to give you all my gifts, " Donghyuck commented, while clutching his own paper bag to his chest. "Mine will look like a trash beside yours. "

"Don't be silly, "Jaemin coaxed him. "We will all love it for sure. Now give me my gift."

Donghyuck huffed. "Okay, but don't laugh or else, I'll cry. "

Donghyuck shyly pulled out three crafted bracelet. "I wasn't trying to be stingy, I swear, " he defended. "I just thought I should give you all something that I made, to show my gratitude to all of you. "

Donghyuck began tearing up again. "This year had been tough, and I just want to thank all of you for looking out for me. Renjun, Thank you being supportive during the days when I was feeling confused. Jaemin already told me how you took care of me that night that I got so drunk. I swear. I didn't know what could have happened to me, had you decided to not put up with my dumb self. "

Renjun said something about it being the worst day of his life, but Donghyuck just decided to brush off the comment. He turned to Jaemin. 

"Jaemin, thank you for being patient with me, even if I wasn't nice to you in the beginning. Thank you for not giving up, and for doing everything to protect me. If it wasn't for you, I'm probably still stuck in that toxic relationship, instead of here. "

Jaemin reached out to squeeze the others shoulder gently. 

"Mark-hyung, " Donghyuck finally turned to him with a smile. "Thank you for not giving up. For continuously trying to show me that you love me,even if I find it hard to believe you. I really appreciate it. And this past few days, I'd never felt so loved and important than before."

Mark smiled back. "You don't have to thank me for that. You deserve all of the love you're getting. And I'm sorry for realizing it too late. If I could go back in time, I'll try my best to treat you better."

They stared at each other and had a moment of their own, with Mark just admiring Donghyuck and congratulating himself for realizing how much Donghyuck worth to him. 

"So are the gifts the bracelets or the speeches? " Jaemin teased as he wore his around his wrist. Donghyuck, pushed him playfully as Renjun let out a stifled laugh. 

"You're both mean, hence why only Mark-hyung is getting a second gift. "

"A second one? " Mark asked in surprised. 

Donghyuck and Jaemin shared a meaningful look, before the former nodded. "Yes. But I want to give it to you privately. Can you come to my room with me? "

~☆~

It's time. 

Donghyuck smiled to himself as he held Mark's hand and took him to his room. He could feel Mark's hand getting cold from his sweat. 

"Donghyuck, you don't really have to give me anything more, I swear, " Mark said nervously. "I'm honestly not expecting anything. "

Donghyuck smiled at him. "No Mark, " he said, motioning for the other to sit on his bed. Mark complied a bit hesitantly. "I really want to do this right now. "

He already waited long. Maybe not that long, but it was long enough for Donghyuck to decide whether this was worth another chance or not. And to him, it was. He had always loved Mark, and everything they went through didn't really change his feelings. He had been hurt and he chosen to forgive. Mark had tried and was still trying hard to prove himself to Donghyuck. Donghyuck wanted this chance, not just for Mark but for himself as well. He wanted another shot at being happy with the person he loved. 

"Mark-hyung, " he called the latte as he sat next to him. 

"Donghyuck…" Mark shuffled away. 

Donghyuck frowned. "Are you trying to run away from me? "

Only then did he notice the paleness of Mark's face, and the beads of sweat on his forehead. 

Mark took a deep breath. He placed both of his hands on Donghyuck's shoulder before pushing him away. "I don't think it's the right time for us to sleep with each other. "

What? 

"Hyuck, " Mark sighed. "I love you, and believe me when I say I want to be intimate with you. But right now, I don't know. I'm not sure if you already trust me for real, of if you're just feeling pressured, so… I can wait. I can wait for the right time, and when that comes, I know that it will be worth it. "

Donghyuck just stared at him with his mouth wide open. He was torn between running away or kicking Mark out. 

He didn't know if he should feel annoyed that Mark ruined the mood, or feel embarrassed that he was giving off the horny vibe. What he did know was that he was disappointed that his plan didn't go as he planned. 

"Hyuck, baby, are you crying? " Mark asked worriedly. "I'm so sorry, baby. It's not your fault, it's just that— "

"I'm not trying to get you to sleep with me! "

Mark froze. His pale face immediately turned red. "You're not? "

"I'm trying to ask you to be my boyfriend again, but you ruined it! " He screamed before covering his face. 

Donghyuck couldn't believe this happened. He had longed planned to do this and chose Christmas eve as the date. He even dyed his hair for it and practiced his speech in front of Jaemin. (Jaemin had cried and said it was beautiful and sweet, but that didn't matter anymore. Mark's confusion made him forget about the right words.) 

"You want me to be your boyfriend again? Really? "

Mark pried Donghyuck's hand away from his face. He cupped his cheeks to kiss to make Donghyuck look at him. "Did I hear you right? "

The previous embarassment was gone from Mark's face, and was replaced by surprised and excitement. 

"Hyuck, do you really want me to be your boyfriend again? "

Something about Mark's stare made him want to melt. It was too much, but Donghyuck found it too hard to look away. 

"Yes, " he replied, and Mark's expression turned into a huge smile. "I want to be your boyfriend again. Do you want to? "

"Oh, Hyuck! " 

Donghyuck could only squeal as Mark enveloped him in a bone crushing hug. "Of course I want you to be my boyfriend again! I've been meaning to ask you for so long, but I always thought that it would be too soon. 

"I broke your heart, " Mark said and Donghyuck found himself feeling sad at the memory. "I broke your heart, and I regret that. I always thought you would need more time and I'm willing to wait for you regardless if you would take long to forgive me and trust me again. 

"But now that you're asking me, the answer is yes of course! I love you, baby, I'll be your boyfriend again. I promise you, I will never break your heart again!"

Donghyuck pulled away slightly, just so he could look at Mark. "You better not, Mark. I don't think I can handle another heartbreak again. "

"I promise you, baby, I will not. I will never make you feel unloved again. Can I kiss you? "

Donghyuck smiled. He couldn't count the amount of times he noticed Mark staring at his lips longingly only to back away as he gave Donghyuck his space. They both waited for a long time already, and it was time to break it. 

"Yes, please. "

Mark didn't need to be told twice. Within seconds, he was cupping Donghyuck's cheeks and pulling him closely, as his lips slowly descended on him. 

And it was worth the wait. 

Donghyuck had forgotten how Mark's kisses were like. It had been too long. Honestly, Donghyuck didn't think it would be the same. It was different, for sure. It tasted sweeter and felt more sincere. It felt so good, he never wanted to stop. 

But they had to. Mark rested his forehead on Donghyuck when their lips parted. 

"This is the best Christmas I've ever had. "

Donghyuck couldn't help but agree with him. 

Then came the harder part. 

"Uh, Mark-hyung? "

"Yes, baby? "

"There's something more that I want to tell you. "

Mark looked confused. "There's more?"

Donghyuck momentarily pushed him away and went to the door. He peeked outside to give Jaemin the signal. Jaemin immediately understood. He stood up and asked Renjun to come with him as they both entered the room and joined Mark and Donghyuck. 

For a while, Renjun looked confused as well, but his expression changed quickly. It was as if he knew what was going on even without him and Jaemin saying anything. 

Jaemin instructed Renjun to sit next to Mark as Jaemin and Donghyuck stood in front of them. Jaemin reached out to hold his hand. Donghyuck squeezed back. 

"We like each other," they both said at the same time, and Mark's mouth fell open. 

"Wait what? You like each other? "

They both nodded. "We like each other, " Donghyuck repeated. "More than just a friend. "

"And we want to be more than friends, " Jaemin added. "But since this doesn't only involve us, we would like to ask for your blessings. Will that be okay with you? "

Donghyuck didn't know why, but he felt so nervous, especially with the way Mark was furrowing his eyebrow as if he was going to reject the idea. 

Then Mark smiled. "I can't believe I didn't realize that this was going to happen. "

He chuckled, and Donghyuck and Jaemin shared a look. 

"I should have know that you were already falling for each other, especially with how close the two of you have become. "

"You're not mad? " Donghyuck decided to ask and Mark shook his head. 

"I, of all people should know that I shouldn't be selfish with love. I love you both and I want nothing else but for both of you to be happy. "

"Does that mean you're fine with us? " Jaemin asked excitedly. 

"Of course! "

Donghyuck and Jaemin hugged immediately. They then remember to turn to Renjun who was only smiling knowingly at them. 

"Just as long as you're happy, Jaemin. "

Donghyuck felt a heavy weight being lifted off of his chest. He was dating Mark and Jaemin. What more could he ask for? 

"This is the best Christmas ever. "

Jaemin and him shared a look before tackling Mark and Renjun and crushing them with their hug. 

~☆~

"What if we sleep sideways? "

"Then the bed will not be long enough. My legs are going to dangle. "

"But you're not even that tall! "

Jaemin could only laugh as Renjun and Donghyuck argued about how the four of them would share one bed together. It was a spontaneous decision that he and Donghyuck came up with and managed to convince the other two to agree with.

"Look, " Renjun said in a frustrating manner. "The bed could fit three at most. I'll just go to sleep in the other room. "

"But I don't want you to feel left out! " Donghyuck argued. "Just because all three of us are dating, doesn't mean we are going to exclude you. "

Renjun sighed. "Then how do you plan on making this work? "

Jaemin was wondering about it, too. While he certainly wanted to sleep next to all of his boyfriend, he doubted if the bed would fit all three of them. He didn't want to, but maybe it would be best to separate in pairs. 

"How about this, " Mark suggested. "Renjun and I will sleep on either sides, while Jaemin will sleep in the middle. "

"What about me? " Donghyuck asked as while looking betrayed. 

"You can use me as your bed and pillow. " Mark replied. 

Donghyuck gasped. "But you will feel uncomfortable. "

"I wouldn't be. And I honestly just want to hug you in my sleep. It's been so long since we last did that. "

Donghyuck blushed. "Fine, but don't call me heavy, okay? "

"Let's just all lie down and go to sleep, " Renjun said while pulling Jaemin with him. "You all better not snore or I will kick you in your sleep. "

Jaemin was the first one to lie down and Renjun followed him. They scooted closer together to give space for Mark and Donghyuck. 

The bed was cramped. There weren't much space for any of them to move. Anyone who would see them in this position would have thought that they were uncomfortable. But honestly, that was the last adjective Jaemin wanted to use at the moment. 

It was warm. 

Intimate. 

Comforting. 

Jaemin was feeling a sudden surge of emotion as Renjun and Donghyuck moved to find a comfortable position. 

There was a tingling feeling in his chest that was climbing up his throat, making his eyes burn and threatening to leak tears. 

It wasn't until he subconsciously let out a sob that the people around him noticed. 

"Jaemin? " Renjun was the first to ask. "Is there something wrong? "

"Why are you crying, Jaemin? " Donghyuck asked as well. "Are you not comfortable like this? "

"Angel, what's wrong? "

But Jaemin could only cry in response. Renjun and Donghyuck proceeded to hug him as Mark brushed his hair. 

"I'm sorry, " He told them. "I just suddenly feel so emotional. I've never been in this position before. "

"In a bed with three other people? " Donghyuck asked. 

"In a place surrounded with people who loves me. "

For a long time, Jaemin was on his own, trying to convince himself that he was loved despite the treatment he was receiving telling otherwise. And then came Renjun and it was the two of them for a long while. But now, he had Donghyuck and Mark. He never realized he could be this lucky. 

"We are your family now, Jaemin, " Donghyuck told him. "Renjun's, too. With us, you will never run out of love. "

"That's right, angel, " Mark decided to add. "You have us now. You will always have us. "

"Hey, " Renjun whispered before pressing his lips on Jaemin's cheeks. "You know I'm always here for you, right? I will always be. I promise. And with Mark, Donghyuck and I, you will never feel alone again. We'll be your family. "

Jaemin nodded. "I know, " he said, wiping his own tears away. "Thank you for giving me the family I dreamed of. "

Together, like this, Jaemin couldn't anymore be happier. With his boyfriends— his family, he was more than contented. 

He was complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you 💝

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comment and kudos for moral support.


End file.
